[chrisy]

4 years ago last weekend was when completely out of left field, I went from Stage 0 to Stage IV!!!

I remember it as if it was yesterday - looking at the Lotto sign and thinking, Who gives a sh*t about the Lotto.

Then telling my husband that he was going to "have to let me go" when the time comes. Sitting at the last Boardwalk concert of the year and wondering if it was the last one, ever, for me. Deciding to go for the odds of making it 36 months instead of only 18 and thinking at the time that that seemed SO long and SO impossible. (Of course John never thought that sounded like very long)

Running away to the mountains where we hugged and cried and talked about our memories since there was going to be no future...and went to our favorite place in the Sierra where trees grow out of solid rock in the middle of the river.

Well, I no longer think 36 months is long at all . Maybe 36 years? This summer I climbed a mountain and saw more trees growing out of solid rock and reaching for the heavens...

I'm very grateful to still be here, and for all the love that has rained down on me the past 4 years, and for all I have learned, and the people I met only because of this canser.

but of course, i still hope for a cure!