[dee1969]

Hi! I have not reached that beautiful spot of NED but right now I am happy to celebrate being classed as stable. This is a very important thread, esp for all those newly diagnosed as Stage IV . I was having a 'whats the point..?' kind of day til I came here and read this thread at this site.
I am stage iv for 16 mths now and to read stories about people who are still here after many years of stage iv lifts my heart and soul so much. Some days I get very apathetic but most days I believe that I am very lucky to be here at this time, to avail of new drugs that stall this disease. I will be happy if I can remain stable; to be NED is a state i know may never happen ( but also, may!). However I have never been happier, ironically. To be stage iv is a strange gift - I value life, friends and being able to move without pain more than i ever imagined possible. Sometimes I am walking down a street and I know in my heart, and by looking around that I am most likely the happiest person there. Nothing worries or frightens me like it used to. I believe I could have never reached this happiness without being stage iv. And I also believe I would never have truly believed so strongly in God, because He truly has been there to help me stop the tears flowing, and let me be able to say 'Thy will be done' and mean it. I can control only so much; I have been very happy once I realised this and left what will be the rest up to Him. Some people leave their home to go work and never return home, after say, being hit by a car etc. They never got to say Goodbye. Little children accidentally fall off bicycles and die, too young, never having a true chance at life. I have had that chance, and know I will have a chance to say Goodbye to my loved ones, and they me, when my time comes. Afterall we all must go. Stage iv cancer dangles death before us, but death is before us every day , it's just without cancer we are mostly all happily oblivious to it. I have stopped seeing what cancer has taken from me- my chance to carry a child, my mother when I was 9, and many others. Instead, now I see it is a different plan that has been handed to me; what i had assumed in my 30's- perhaps complacently- will not happen. I am now reading and planning from a different map. My husband and I have cried a lot, but we look up from our new map every now and then and smile at each other because we know we value our life together now more than ever and also know that ours is never a dull or complacent life and that we are stronger and always ready to take an unknown path. Fear, in the end has given way to exhilaration.
To all reading from this site, be strong. Read and research. Never give up, not until the last breath leaves you body. xx d