[Jackie07]

I just remembered that I did not "came out of it" simply by getting a job. Because after working 'normally' for two years, I went to Texas Rehabilitation Commission per my old Sunday School Teacher's advice. (I had been missing sunday school for several years by then.) When the case worker - a middle aged man - looked at me and asked me "what is your disability?" I just bursted out crying like never before.

After I managed to tell him my ordeal, he told me that I had to go to the psychiatrist at the local MHMR (Mental Health Mental Retardation) because I evidently had 'unresolved' issues. It was a big blow to me and my husband and his family all thought it wasn't necessary. But the volunteer experience I had at the Youth Counseling Center in Taipei - Teacher Chang - convinced myself that I needed professional help.

They must have informed each other (had to be on my chart because each time I met a new staff, he/she would ask me "how did you lose your job?", that would automatically bring tears in my eyes and I would not be able to talk without sobbing. But it did get better each time after I had repeated my 'traumatic experience'.

Because I 'recognized' my problem and knew the cause of my depression (which no longer existed because I had a job at the time - just not the ideal job, not the job in my trained profession), the doctor did not give me any anti-depressant which I did take for less than a week when I was very depressed two months after I had been kicked out of the local public library where I had worked 5 years as a reference librarian. They all thought I was brain-damaged...

Watching the PBS 'Brain' program which talks about the 'plasticity of the brain', I realized how fortunately I have been by doing the right thing (going back to school) and maintaining a good support system. But all these will pass, only 'love never fails'. If not earthly love (which is never perfect), we are sure to have the love from God, which will never cease.