Rant, rant, rant
Thank you all.
Going for a consult Monday at University Hospital in Denver to get a second opinion about Cyberknifing the area, too, mentioned by the Neurosugeon who took out the tumor. Hopefully NOT.
Saw my Oncologist today. Reamed me out for not just taking the good news and just enjoying my boys "in this time period while I'll be in the best shape (before I crash)". Dislikes that I research the disease so much. Says it is my way of denying that I have a bad cancer. Says I'm depressed. Yo, get that. No hair, dilantin reaction that can be fatal. All care described as palliative. Depressed? Who, me? Days in and out of ICU. Bald as Bozo again. Sweating in wigs and compression sleeves. I should be happy as a pig in slop, right????
Tried to explain to her my research is what I have done all my life as a biologist. Researched melanoma, researched bean fungus, researched calcium in spit, researched catecholamine receptors, researched pee in gallon jugs (record 12 gal from one patient that had to be combined to test one teaspoon ((5 ml to you science types)), researched my Doctor best friend's genetic link to abnormal clotting, even researched my husband's clone for a gene he studies in frogs. It is WHAT I DO. Figure I'm entitled to research my own disease.
Told her my research made it quite clear even to stupid me that there was no point in doing any chemo, etc. right now. To save the arsenal when (not if, I get it) I crash again.
Basically said I was a pain in the butt and took too much of everyone's time and energy. Yeesh, she makes me crazy. My husband was livid afterwards. We ranted all the way home. He said he could not believe the things she said. Couldn't understand why I did not ream her back. She kept my favorite chemo nurse in the room the whole time as "witness". Made my cry once again as I assured her of all the things I AM doing with DH and kids.
Gee, just need a little PEACE.
Gonna make a Strawberry rhubarb pie for a friend who fed us all through the WBRT.
Then wait for shade to plant some more this evening. Purple Wave petunias, lime green Marguerite vines, and a new experiment, Croton, in Colorado no less. Forget the pink.
Thanks for listening. Please don't respond. I just needed to vent.
(By the way, she talked about all their other Her2 patients and how she knew all about trials, drugs etc., but never heard of this site.)
Carla
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