[dlaxague]

Yeah, there are some doozy (doozie?) comments made. And there is silence, or turning away and avoiding eye contact. A rare few happen to hit it right, at the right time - and sometimes that's just luck, catching us in the right mood.

There is such fear around cancer. And there's such fear about saying THE WRONG THING. None of that is about us, or really, about them. It's about fear, and we should try not to take these comments personally.

I admire the person who tries to say something, no matter how it comes out. I give everyone credit for trying, and my take-away message from whatever awkward comment is made is that they cared enough about me to make the effort, despite their fear and awkwardness. Like in the song - "what they're really saying is ... I ... love ... you".

I think that one reason I was/am able to interpret interactions this way is that during most of treatment, I had an online community of breast cancer survivors and their loved ones who did understand, when I needed to vent.

Plus there was not a moment that I was unaware that people die from breast cancer, and that I could die. I cannot say that comments that re-state that fact bother me at all. Actually (thinking about it now), I probably appreciate that kind of comment more, because it acknowledges the seriousness of the situation. As opposed to dismissing it, as do the "rah, rah, you'll do fine, don't worry, positive attitude" kind of comments - which are far in the majority. But that's just me. And again, I quickly learned to focus not on exactly what they say but on the caring behind the comment.

I hope that venting has now helped you, too, Liz.

Debbie Laxague