[fauxgypsy]

I am self employed and my work is very physical. I had to slow down and have more help during treatment. When I was first diagnosed I was told I was stage 4 and should file for disability. Then they decided (long story) that I may not have been stage 4. So I worked as much as I could through treatment. After several months of treatment I had a mastectomy. I kept asking the doctors when I would be able to get back to work after my mastectomy and the surgeon kept telling me that I would be back to it in a few weeks. That was August. Now I am developing lymphedema in my hand and it is very obvious that they don't have a clue. If I am not supposed to lift more than 5 lbs with my right arm, how exactly am I going to climb scaffolds and carry ladders and materials. I even showed him pictures of what I do. I am very frustrated and my income has really dropped. There is no way that I will ever be able to do what I could before the surgery. My last oncologist did not even want to sign a paper to get my student loan deferred until my treatments are over ( he only signed it long enough for me to have a month or so recovery from surgery), I haven't even asked this one. I feel that my doctor is being ( have been) obtuse.
I am also having trouble wearing a prosthesis. It hurts. So I really don't want to go out in public any more than I have to. I have Medicaid through the Breast and Cervical cancer screening program and that will end next spring. I live about an hour away from where I receive my treatment. I am trying to learn to live with uncertainty. But is sucks. I am only having herceptin every three weeks but I have had one problem after the other. Two weeks ago I had an infection in my throat, thrush, and phlebitis in my arm, apparently from the tamoxifen. And I am rarely without pain from the surgery. I have cramps in my feet and legs often even when my potassium and magnesium levels are normal.
A friend told me recently that I should feel lucky. And I know that I am but I just wanted to slap her. Y'all know that I am usually very positive but occassionally that wears very thin. No work, no sleep, and no understanding from health professional who should know better wear me down sometimes. I told my daughter the other day that I feel like I am no longer self employed but that I am unemployed. I know that it could be so, so much worse and that I will get through this. Sometimes I feel like the only one who is angry, totally ticked off. I read recently that you should "repot" yourself every so often. Well, I feel like someone has come along and kicked my pot over and stomped it.

Leslie