[Mary Jo]

Hi Louise,
I totally understand your feelings as I was you once. I, too, remember when herceptin ended and although I was happy it was over, I was scared to death. What now? Where is my protection going to come from? What about this pain? What about this ache?............and on and on it goes. Oh, do I hear ya..................

I have good news to share though..............IT DOES GET EASIER. It does. However, it takes time. It takes time to start trusting these bodies of ours. These bodies we once trusted and betrayed us royally. I mean GEEZ, I was infallible - LOL - you ask, why did I think that?"........well, it's easy....because I said so. I said I didn't want cancer......I tried to do all I could to avoid it in my life (I lost my mother to pancreatic cancer when she was 47 years old, so cancer wasnt' something new to me) - I even went as far as to tell God - "anything God but not cancer for this girl." Well, the rest is history...........................

Here I am 2 years and 7 months since surgery. Still NED.....happier than ever before.....totally at Peace with what and where I am......and trusting that God knows what's best for me and my "course" is already determined anyway....so I will just go forward and live the life He's laid out before me.

By saying "I am at Peace with what and where I am" is NOT saying I am never afraid of a recurrence - because I am. Plain and simple. Of course it's "always there" - the wondering and what if's - BUT - it does get easier each year you move away from that diagnosis. It does.

So dear "sister" TRY to enjoy this moment. It is finished. You made it through. You are feeling better than when it started and life will move on for you. Just go out and make the most of it. When you feel afraid - feel those feelings - deal with them and move on. It's all you can do.

Sending out HUGE congratulations and blessings of Peace your way.

Mary Jo