Hello C.H.,
Thanks for taking the time to express so well what is important about a loving, caring relationship. My spouse says it in so many ways, and has "been there" for me throughout all of our ups and downs, not just bc and treatment. We all need to have that kind of acceptance and reassurance, and I am deeply thankful for it.
Breast cancer diagnosis as I understand it, primarily affects those who are older and part of the generation where sexuality was not as openly discussed, and I am sure that too is some part of why there is a lack of discussion about it between the medical providers and the patients.
But there is a principle involved here, and it is called "informed consent". For those who are making choices about therapy, and especially those who are in a situation where it is far less likely to be of benefit, there is no genuine excuse for medical providers to cop out from spending the time to include that in discussion with the patient as a likely effect of treatment so that any decision that is made, is an informed decision. There has been a tendency that is more the rule than the exception for the provider (who isn't going to experience the actual effects) to treat the loss as if "menopause would have happened eventually anyway" and as if chemopause and menopause are synonymous.
As individuals in a relationship we are part of a commitment. As a person who wants my spouse to continue to enjoy his sexuality as much as possible, but for whom sexuality has disappeared entirely due to treatment, what is my role now?
I could have made a much different choice for both of us had there been honesty from my providers instead of the continuing excuses I see.
Respectfully,
AlaskaAngel
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