[Andrea Barnett Budin]

YES, CHRISY! FEAR AND FAITH CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE. So you are staying close to God with your vow to stay clear of fear!

And every one of you who find my words inspiring and emboldening, you fill my heart with the most profound joy! It thrills me that I might touch your Soul. How wondrously courageous each of you are for posting your deepest feelings and getting naked with us! Wow, do I admire each and every one of you, for so very many reasons. I am honored to know the ladies on this board. Your Spirits shine so brightly, my peaceful warriors, my Sisters and Brothers. Every one of us, w/cancer or supporting those whom they love who have cancer, are heroes and sheroes in anybody's book! Proud to know y'all!! Everyone is fighting some battle. Never forget that. Wherever you go...

Please let me share my heartfelt thoughts and the lessons I have learned from my diagnosis of breast cancer. These are the things that have come to bless my life, midst what I thought was only full of curses:


...I have come to believe we each have been granted the power to heal ourselves. When our minds command our bodies to act in a specific way, our bodies comply. When we BELIEVE we are not helpless victims of circumstance we become strong and brave. This has been my experience. I visualize myself far into the future, in vivid detail. This is a technique I have often heard winning athletes attest to using! I have watched myself for years as my once tiny granddaughter stood in a bridal gown beside her groom on a dance floor. I am aglow! I look fabulous! I am surrounded by my loved ones. We are all turned toward the bride and groom, clapping our hands to the music. It is joyful. It is my dream. A goal among many.

...I KNOW that longing for yesterday, and struggling with What Is -- weakens us and defeats us. And -- it condemns us to live in daily psychic hell! Often followed by more physical malfunction and pain. OUR *PSYCHOLOGY* REFLECTS OUR *PHYSIOLOGY*... So I am now armed with this Knowing!

...I have consciously chosen *not* to die from fear and grief. As strange as that sounds. There is a mob mentality in our culture regarding cancer. The very word is often whispered because it scares us to death, and makes us begin to immediately mourn for our loss to this world. So, instead, I focus every ounce of my energy on living with the serenity of *knowing* (down to my boots) that I have a degree of control in my fate. I am armed with Knowings! I seek to attract WHAT I FOCUS ON ALL DAY to come into my life, in accordance with Cosmic Law. It may not be codified yet, but I would swear that it is a reality nonetheless!

...I've learned that what is unresolved need not be bleak, hollow or sad. DELAY IS NOT DENIAL. I am often an impatient person. It took nine long months, watching each and every of my metastatic liver tumors *slowly* shrink -- until they were declared *cyst-like, filled w/fluid*. Necratic tissue, not tumors any more!! (Yes, I was pretty close to collapsing from the side effects of my chemo, but I KNEW I would rally! I was determined.) I found that key to remaining positive midst the painful side effects of treatments. I spent my time BELIEVING in my ability to call what I most deeply desire to myself (to magnetically pull it to me from the Universe
-- with the power of my carefully scripted thoughts!). Talk about miraculous! I felt more enlivened than ever before! Therefore, I have consciously chosen *not* to relinquish my power for a single day, or for a single hour. I seek to embrace each moment as a joyful gift! I am not always successful, I admit, but I keep on trying anyway. I do my best to live in The Now. When I fail, I try again. Every day, I do my best. And my best changes from day to day!

...When gloomy possibilities occur (like when my light-headed, woozy feeling persists for weeks and I wonder -- IS THIS IT? IS IT CANCER?! IN MY BRAIN NOW?!) -- I immediately stop putting dooming energy out there! I stop! And yes Pinkie, I say OUT LOUD -- NO! NO MORE CANCER. HEALTHY AND WELL. For my body to be clear on this. And for the Universe to hear my declaration as well. I want to draw healing, positive energy to me. I speak with passion and I include all that fills my open heart -- pure, unconditional and infinite Universal Love, and my humble gratitude for my many blessings!! As I do this, I am refusing to give my power away to any fear-riddled thoughts. Not to the anger of another person, or even my own. Not to give my power away to the hardship within unwanted circumstance (that we all face from time to time).

...When I feel the anger and mean-spiritedness of others, it comes at me as a force. It saddens and disheartens me gravely. I discover how vulnerable I am and I temporarily feel emotionally on the verge of disintegration. This is the most difficult thing to withstand. I have to consistently reach for peace and pray for others' ability to open their hearts -- filling my heart and my mind with FAITH. Negative energy cannot occupy the same space as Belief, Love and the reaching for Tranquility! I KNOW this, and it empowers me. I alter my thought patterns with decided fervor.

... I have discovered that we are each intended to evolve and grow. With all due respect to our beloved ancestors, we are meant to continue creating our world. Honoring their memory, cherishing tradition, clinging to timeless values, but becoming aware of when it is time to progress and venture into uncharted waters. (As we did with slavery, with women's rights, forgoing animal sacrifice...) We are intended to love, to share, to learn and become more. To advance and progress. With each day I try to fulfill that promise. We *never* know it all. We keep expanding, as we should. We keep trying to elevate our consciousness...

...In meditation, I conscientiously silence all mental chatter, I make every effort to open my heart to receive pure, unconditional Universal Love. As I do that, I *connect* with my Soul, or Spirit! I merge and become One. I become emboldened with the wisdom of ages. It is a life-altering experience! I align myself with my Spirit. I can float up and see from above. I can become The Witness, morph into pure consciousness that knows no pain. My perspective is totally altered. I begin to see through the eyes of my Soul. I see each person as a Soul. I am filled with compassion. An out-of-body experience is elevating in far more than the obvious ways. Thrilling. Awesome. Spectacular.

...I KNOW that I am never alone. Never. In times of Awakening, I can hear my Spirit speak to me through my Inner Voice. It tells me -- I AM ALWAYS WITH YOU. It speaks with a profound power, saying, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. And I feel truly loved!, even (and especially) as I am facing my worst fears. My Spirit tells me that it wants what I want. It guides, protects and nurtures me. It speaks with an authority that assures me unequivocally of its presence. Some would say -- THAT IS GOD. However you see this sacred entity -- it bolsters you in the hardest and harshest of times. My Spirit stands against my egoic thoughts that are fighting to control me and my emotions, and that often bring me down. I let my Spirit rules. I KNOW it is the True Me. The most precious part of who I am. It makes me feel One With The Universe. It brings Radiance and Light, Joy and Tranquility, Balance and Groundedness. My Spirit is sacred and dwells within me.

...I have learned that the bravest are those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, and yet, go out to meet it anyway. You can do the thing you think you cannot do.

...I would say to you what I often say to myself, what I have read and devoured whole. KNOW that you cannot fail. When you KNOW a thing (for god or bad) it will find its way to you! Own that Knowing.

With many prayers for my Sisters and Brothers... I just love the thoughts and feelings that are being shared here. Each of us contributes mightily to one another in unimagined ways. I once read -- You may be the only ray of sunshine in another person's day. We are each so special. We are each that important. Bless you all...
Andi