[fauxgypsy]

My mother left almost everything to my stepfather and my half brother. There was very little involved but it still bothers me. I told her at the time that it wasn't fair. She said that I had a husband to take care of me. He really took care of me. I still resent it. My brother died before my stepfather and it is a real mess right now. But it does make you feel bad, of somehow feeling less important.

I feel like honesty is important. I do not understand why, if he has the money, you and your husband are having to pay expenses to take him to the doctor. My husband, the one I have now, not the one my mother referred, to has a saying. He says we have to pull our little red wagon together. It is okay to take care of others but not when it affects our ability to take care of our selves. Several years ago, I was hospitalized for depression. I did not know how to take care of me. During this time I learned about boundary issues. I think it would help you if you would read about boundaries. It seems to me that your family has similar issues. I learned that "No." is a complete sentence. Courtesy of Anne Lamott. I learned that it is okay for me to take care of me. I did not have to do everything that was asked of me, I did not have to loan money to my sibling and I did not have to pay my daughter's light bill. And that is okay not to take care of people who don't appreciate me. I have found that if I step back the world goes on without me. I am not saying that you should not help your brother, but that you should give others a chance to step up. He can afford to get someone to take him. Ultimately we are responsible for ourselves and I don't think we should reward people for screwing up. Sometimes people assume that you are strong and don't need them. It is very difficult to let that go and let people know that you can't do everything. I know you don't want him to feel that he has to buy your love, but is a very human need to be appreciated for what we do. It is very stressful being a saint. Or a martyr. Speak up, and don't get left with anger and resentment. He probably won't change anything. But it is okay for you to tell him how you feel. Do what you can for him without hurting you and your husband, financially or emotionally. If he needs you or your husband to take him somewhere, it is acceptable to tell him that you would love to but that you need him to pay expenses. Or that your husband cannot afford to take off work, because you have expenses because of your illness. These are reasons, not excuses.
I know this sounds very stream of conciousness writing but I have a craft sale coming up and don't have the time I would like to have to clean it up and write it right. I just hope it makes sense. If you get nothing else from this I hope that you will read up on boundaries. Please.

Leslie