Marie honey, I am not in a contest to out distance you in posting longgggg messages, but here's *my* rant. You know how much I love you. And, your words are never considered a rant. They are full of wisdom, truth and love.
My arms are around you. I know you know this. And I can feel your frustration. It is only natural. But I want you to know that surely I too live with my moments. I am not even close to perfect, and never claim to be. 8 1/2 yrs of being STABLE, dancing w/NED, has left me living with humble grateful for that reality. But I also live w/moments when I FEAR I will stumble. Recurrence is always a possibility. Though my SPIRIT is standing guard!
I experience the hard Truth of metastasis and then consciously choose to push such mental meandering off a cliff! I can look down and see it crashing to its demise! I somehow remind myself that IF ONE PERSON HAS SURVIVED YOUR KIND OF CANCER -- YOU TOO (I TOO) CAN SURVIVE! And I reason out -- just WHO ARE LIFE'S VICTORS. I have this Knowing deep inside me that the winners in Life are the ones who clearly envision their triumph, who immerse themselves in thoughts of triumph (vs faltering) ALL DAY LONG, EVERY DAY -- sending out an intense signal to the Universe full of positive energy. I happen to believe that as our thoughts are energy, they are emitted from us from and go out from us on varying frequency waves. Positive energy travels at a higher vibration (you know those *vibes* you sense from others?). Such energy goes out on higher and faster waves -- and is sensed -- and responded to -- by the Universe.
The Universe responds to our signals IN KIND. So, I Know that positive energy draws more of the same right back to you. And therefore, it EMPOWERS us to command our desired destiny to us. So I am passionate about what I allow the occupy space in my brain. I don't deny. I don't hide. I don't suppress. That is not healthy. But I move beyond my fears, which exist to be sure.
I BELIEVE that what we dwell on all day becomes our reality! That is why I have that 20 pound rock that has BELIEVE etched in to it, in case I forget. That is why I have that big 2 1/2 foot long sign that says BELIEVE that I am going to put in my office -- in my face, but for now travels around the house with me. (YOU ALL SAW PICTURES OF THESE WITH TIPTOE THAT PINKIE POSTED FOR ME WHEN TIPSY VISITED BOCA...)
The intensity of your belief, of your INTENTION and your EXPECTATION are full of might! Just think what all that passionate energy calls to you!! We all have our weak, human moments, when we are full of uncertainty, the sense of defeat, statistics that taunt and torture us, anxiety and fears of the worst case scenarios and possibilities. But I'm here to tell you that we each can surmount those negative hauntings and stomp on them -- just as the chemo, and the power of our thoughts, will snuff out those *!#% malfunctioning, out of control cells!! We have a degree of control in determining our fate! Don't negate your power! Don't forfeit it to being a *realist*! We have the power to HEAL our bodies. We must constantly remind our bodies WE are in charge, and give it its orders precisely! Stirred by our SPIRITS and discharged by our minds!!
+ WHAT WE THINK ALL DAY DETERMINES HOW WE WILL FEEL! So our WELL-BEING (emotional and physical) depend on what we consciously choose to fill our heads each day! We must consistently troll our mental chatter and reprogram what needs to be corrected, authoring and re-scripting our psyches and our attitudes. *WE* rule! Never forget that.
My money is on you Marie, and Ed, for overcoming all the towering obstacles and prevailing! And you two have been handed far too much, in my opinion! But so much love and so many prayers are being sent to you and out in to the vapors in your name
-- that will be sensed, and responded to! Don't forget that either...
As for my hopeless addiction to this site, I have decided not to entertain the idea of REHAB for this! I must give in to my need to stay in touch with all the extraordinary people who populate this board! I love their energy, their support, their fighting SPIRITS and their intelligent, informed advice. It is priceless. I admire you all more than I can express.
It fascinates me that each of us feels the other has been through so much more than we have! And we've all been through hell. We don't give ourselves credit for being the Warriors we are. Superheroes all! HEROES AND SHEROES!!
And, I also know, that being a SURVIVOR is not a forever thing that is simply bestowed on us. It is a daily battle! Regardless of what stage we are at, no matter if we have reached remission or not. This is a fight we must wage with as much grace and courage as we can. And being at war while never losing sight of the joy within each day. There is the need to be vigilant (knowing the sooner you arrest cancer, the greater your chances of being victorious) -- that somehow must be balanced with the need not to become so obsessive that we lose the beauty and awe of Life itself. We here they found a cyst, we feel pain in our spine, joints, ribs, we feel fuzzy-headed -- and we begin by panicking. Then, we settle down and think it through. Or we post, asking for input. And we receive such wonderful support, acknowledgement, validation and fabulous medical advice, we almost don't need to seek an actual doctor. We have access 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. AND THAT'S ALL THANK TO CHRISTINE AND JOE (may God bless them with long, long lives for their gift to us all!).
It is a neat trick to walk that tightrope, performing that balancing act, but it is the way each cancer Survivor must learn to live. It is the way each of us must come to accept as a new normal and stop struggling against. Why? Because resisting this reality creates suffering. Plain and simple. So we march forward and upward. We plant ourselves in The Now, because if we look too far ahead we scare ourselves to death and we feel totally overwhelmed. And because The Now is where HAPPINESS is!
Mostly, I have from Day 1 -- lived AS IF what I wanted was already here. This mindset allowed me to live with a special bliss and serenity that befuddled those who met me. They told me they could see something ethereal in my face. They'd tilt their heads from side to side studying me and wondering aloud what they were looking at. They'd sincerely and seriously ask me, How can I get what you've got? And I'm talking about people who never had cancer!
I LIVE IN THE LAND OF YES. Where all worlds exist and all possibilities and miracles are available to us! I invite all who wish to bless their lives to please join me...
Sent with much love, as always,
Andi 