[madubois63]

Your not obsessed, but I do think your depressed and angry. I don't know if your taking any anti-hormonal medication (Tamoxifen, Femora...); but after fighting for my life and beating the bc, I found myself crying and desperately wanting to kill myself. I told my oncologist, and he put me on zoloft. It takes a little while to kick in, but I remember the exact moment of clarity. It was like a pop in my head, and I realized "wow, I'm me again."

It is good to keep updated and informed about your passed diagnosis, but it is also time to let go of the anger. Are you taking pain medication or trying to be a hero? Your complaints are real and should not ignored. I didn't want to take anything, but that is why these medications were made...you won't become addicted. You have a valid reason to take these medications. If your doctor doesn't agree, get another doctor. YOU hired him/her and YOU are the boss!

Call CancerCare or the American Cancer Society. You need to get in to a support group. For some, this board is enough, but you need to get up and out. I made the most amazing friends through a local support group. we started with bagels after the meeting, then progressed to walking around the mall. Now, we find free seminars, art sessions and exercise programs for cancer patients. Everyday you will heal and think less and less about cancer. You posted a plea for help, so it makes me think you are ready to move on. I do think that everyone gets a little obsessed with the boards when finding them. The information, support and realization that your not alone is amazing and refreshing. You can be yourself here and not worry about scaring anyone with your deepest feelings. we understand and we are here any time of the day (you also don't have to get out of your pj's).

Please read some of the "joy" thread. These are women that have been through everything you have too...and they are living! Get inspired and live the life you have always wanted to...even if it is just one change at a time. You deserve it!!!