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I read all of this thread for the first time tonight, and it has been so very touching. Sheila, I have found all your posts to be outstanding---your wonderful personality really comes through. Truly you are an Amazon warrior! You have gotten such wonderful, empathetic responses from everyone. I hope you know how loved and appreciated you are by all of us on this website. I have just one thing to add: One of the biggest differences between men and women is that men have an innate need to "fix it". They especially feel that they should be able to solve all the needs and problems of the one they love most and feel most responsible for, their wives or their significant other. When these problems are as difficult and demanding as fighting cancer is, a man feels totally helpless and frustrated, as if he is failing as a man. A frustrated, helpless man is often an angry man. One of the best ways to deal with this is to empathize with him by using feeling words, such as "Are you feeling frustrated and helpless because you can't fix this or solve this problem for me?" And let him know you don't expect or need him to fix it or solve it---just to listen and be there and empathise. My husband is a psychologist, and he has expressed this feeling of helplessness about not being able to "fix" my health problems. Even though we both understand his frustration, it is still there and he needs reassurance from me that it's okay, that I appreciate his wanting to solve my problems, but I don't need fixing as much as I need his love and support. I don't know if this is helpful to you, but it does sound as if you two have finally been able to share some feelings. True communication is on a feeling level, heart to heart and spiriit to spirit. This kind of communication comes more naturally to a woman, because men are often more left brained and logical. But they can learn to share on a feeling level, and a wise woman can gently teach him how to do this by being patient, loving and appreciative. Not always easy when you are fighting cancer! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself on this website--I know everyone who has read this post and others you've shared has felt of your strong spirit and is praying for you! Hugs, Tricia
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