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hutchibk · 08-27-2007, 12:45 PM

Wow - this is a powerful thread. Thanks for sharing, Sheila. And thanks to everyone for sharing, too. I worry daily about my better half. I know this takes it's toll on him. I cannot imagine being in his shoes. It breaks my heart knowing that this disease is breaking his heart and scaring him. I am not nearly as afraid of what I am facing as he is of what it might mean he has to face. I know that men, fundamentally, are fixers - and they can become tremendously frustrated with a problem they can't fix. They tend to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" if they can't come up with a solution. Well, this is one case where they can't fix the problem. I know that it just devastates Mark that he can't make this better. Reverse it. Fix it. I suppose Michael must feel the same, and perhaps that is why he is becoming remote at times. I know he is not truly indifferent to you. He loves you with all his heart. He probably just has to go emotionally dormant at times, numb. Mark does it a bit, too. It is a coping mechanism. Not a comforting one, mind you, but it is one way that they cope. I have mentioned to him that there are "well-partner" support groups that he can attend, and from time to time he seems interested. But I think when he is on the cusp of going to one, it makes it all seem too real, and he prefers to live with a certain level of denial. I suppose that's only natural for all of us. I am so glad that you two had some quality time... just crying it out together from time to time can be extremely theraputic and healing.

08-27-2007, 12:45 PM	#37
hutchibk Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 3,519	Wow - this is a powerful thread. Thanks for sharing, Sheila. And thanks to everyone for sharing, too. I worry daily about my better half. I know this takes it's toll on him. I cannot imagine being in his shoes. It breaks my heart knowing that this disease is breaking his heart and scaring him. I am not nearly as afraid of what I am facing as he is of what it might mean he has to face. I know that men, fundamentally, are fixers - and they can become tremendously frustrated with a problem they can't fix. They tend to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" if they can't come up with a solution. Well, this is one case where they can't fix the problem. I know that it just devastates Mark that he can't make this better. Reverse it. Fix it. I suppose Michael must feel the same, and perhaps that is why he is becoming remote at times. I know he is not truly indifferent to you. He loves you with all his heart. He probably just has to go emotionally dormant at times, numb. Mark does it a bit, too. It is a coping mechanism. Not a comforting one, mind you, but it is one way that they cope. I have mentioned to him that there are "well-partner" support groups that he can attend, and from time to time he seems interested. But I think when he is on the cusp of going to one, it makes it all seem too real, and he prefers to live with a certain level of denial. I suppose that's only natural for all of us. I am so glad that you two had some quality time... just crying it out together from time to time can be extremely theraputic and healing. __________________ Brenda NOV 2012 - 9 yr anniversary JULY 2012 - 7 yr anniversary stage IV (of 50...) Nov'03~ dX stage 2B Dec'03~ Rt side mastectomy, Her2+, ER/PR+, 10 nodes out, one node positive Jan'04~ Taxotere/Adria/Cytoxan x 6, NED, no Rads, Tamox. 1 year, Arimadex 3 mo., NED 14 mo. Sept'05~ micro mets lungs/chest nodes/underarm node, Switched to Aromasin, T/C/H x 7, NED 6 months - Herceptin only Aug'06~ micro mets chest nodes, & bone spot @ C3 neck, Added Taxol to Herceptin Feb'07~ Genetic testing, BRCA 1&2 neg Apr'07~ MRI - two 9mm brain mets & 5 punctates, new left chest met, & small increase of bone spot C3 neck, Stopped Aromasin May'07~ Started Tykerb/Xeloda, no WBR for now June'07~ MRI - stable brain mets, no new mets, 9mm spots less enhanced, CA15.3 down 45.5 to 9.3 in 10 wks, Ty/Xel working magic! Aug'07~ MRI - brain mets shrunk half, NO NEW BRAIN METS!!, TMs stable @ 9.2 Oct'07~ PET/CT & MRI show NED Apr'08~ scans still show NED in the head, small bone spot on right iliac crest (rear pelvic bone) Sept'08~ MRI shows activity in brain mets, completed 5 fractions/5 consecutive days of IMRT to zap the pesky buggers Oct'08~ dropped Xeloda, switched to tri-weekly Herceptin in combo with Tykerb, extend to tri-monthly Zometa infusion Dec'08~ Brain MRI- 4 spots reduced to punctate size, large spot shrunk by 3mm, CT of torso clear/pelvis spot stable June'09~ new 3-4mm left cerrebellar spot zapped with IMRT targeted rads Sept'09~ new 6mm & 1 cm spots in pituitary/optic chiasm area. Rx= 25 days of 3D conformal fractionated targeted IMRT to the tumors. Oct'09~ 25 days of low dose 3D conformal fractionated targeted IMRT to the bone mets spot on rt. iliac crest that have been watching for 2 years. Added daily Aromasin back into treatment regimen. Apr'10~ Brain MRI clear! But, see new small spot on adrenal gland. Change from Aromasin back to Tamoxifen. June'10~ Tumor markers (CA15.3) dropped from 37 to 23 after one month on Tamoxifen. Continue to monitor adrenal gland spot. Remain on Tykerb/Herceptin/Tamoxifen. Nov'10~ Radiate positive mediastinal node that was pressing on recurrent laryngeal nerve, causing paralyzed larynx and a funny voice. Jan'11~ MRI shows possible activity or perhaps just scar tissue/necrotic increase on 3 previously treated brain spots and a pituitary spot. 5 days of IMRT on 4 spots. Feb'11~ Enrolled in T-DM1 EAP in Denver, first treatment March 25, 2011. Mar'11~ Finally started T-DM1 EAP in Denver at Rocky Mountain Cancer Center/Rose on Mar. 25... hallelujah. "I would rather be anecdotally alive than statistically dead."