[Believe51]

I read your post early this morning and decided to ponder a bit before replying. You sure have had your unfair share of 'bumps' this year. I can totally relate to the feelings of loss with breast cancer, we have sold a motorcycle and car, both which we loved. Back to that 'Pride in your Ride' thing, we spent so much time washing, waxing, buffing these great loves in the past, now they are gone. It is a constant reminder of how cancer robbed us. Material things I can live without, just sad needing a motorcycle ride and it is a closed chapter in our lives. The lives that once was.

We have lost some family and friends during our journey with cancer, another painful reminder of that robbery. I have mourned in my own way for these giant losses in our lives. Some people just cannot understand or they cannot relate. These issues bother me because I cannot live without my 'peeps'. Again, another closed chapter. Some of these Loves in my life just do not or cannot join this journey, for their own reasons and for our protection with some. There is still a gap in our hearts.

For you My Sweet, I do not think this is the case. Your husband has been on this journey in his own right and I know that you have recognized this. I cannot speak for your dear husband from what I know of him, but I do know he loves you. Cancer is such a thief, it steals from you when you are looking the other way or if you are sleeping. Seems that some days I wake up and realize that something else is gone. As for your dear hubby, could it be that he is tired of seeing this thievery? Could it be his way of dealing with the fact that after all this time, cancer is still robbing you both? Is it getting harder to see this journey take place, to steal from his Sheila? I know the vacation days getting eatin' up may just be a physical reminder to him, maybe just an added aggrevation. I just cannot see him getting frustrated with you and your illness, even though I do know it does happen. Tell your darling man what you need, Sheila, continue to let him know. I feel helpless; sometimes more than others and with my husband telling me what he needs allows me to not only provide it to him, I am able use my 'magic caregiving abilities' to my best advantage ('cause 'ya know I pick and choose my fights!! LOL).

Being a 'professional seasoned caregiver' (LOL) per previous conversations telling me so...I have endured 'The Other Side Of Cancer' and it too is unpretty. I think the things that helped me on this journey most was being here. Perhaps he needs a little guidance because I know it is hard standing here watching My Love fight for his petition for time. Your husband lives with his own tough feelings of watching and living through his wife's breast cancer. Do him a favor....give him a big hug and kiss. Do something special together when you are feeling up to par.

It comes to my great relief that there are services I could utilize in case I needed him to get somewhere without me. I am blessed enough to have a boss who allows me to work around things so I can go to all appointments with him. Things are getting rough here, all the more reason to be with him but I am happy to see all of the resources for rides. I have these lines up just in case something happens to me, I always have a back-up plan. Just check into it as an option to lighten his load and to save vacation days for better adventures.

Remember this Sheila: You are a beautiful Angel who has inspired us through our battle with breast cancer. My husband and I have found peace and love from you through our fight. You have a wonderful sense of humor and have brought so much laughter to our lives, laughter that has saved our lives. You are always close to heart and in our daily prayers. We are enriched by loving you and very blessed to have you in our lives. Anyone who knows you has to feel how special you are too. I cannot believe for one minute that there is anyone that could not feel the same way as my husband and I do. We love you so. Hang in there Lovey. And remember this too, I cannot wait to meet you, I yearn for a hug. When you are up to it...chocolate martini's, scream rides, and pool or bowling!! LOL

Believe51