HER2 Support Group Forums - View Single Post - What to say when someone is losing their battle?

mts · 08-27-2007, 10:36 AM

I guess a lot depends on how religious she is...
My mother in law was not religious at all.
Before she passed away, I would bring her the most unique looking flowers, and sometimes, a new variety of Hibiscus (her favorite bloom). This way, she would still enjoy the latest looking hybrid and would give her something to look at and talk about. I would ask her where in her garden she wanted it...

She lived in a small town, so even the latest gossip on the local government was interesting to her.

I would also make frosting in her kitchen (from scratch, of course) and ask her opinion on the taste and consistency.

I went through her mother's recipe boxes and she would nix or approve some of them...

These may sound corney- but it gave her the power of providing her opinions on something new and old stuff -right at the very end.

I treated her as I always did... For me, I would not want anymore since anymore would be fake.

These "little things" gave me something to do without forcing any religious "framework" to her situation. We talked quite a bit- not superficial stuff, just normal stuff. Right towards the end, she wanted to be treated normally. The word dignity never came up, but was certainly expressed inmany ways.

I do recall the idiot across the street that never learned to turn off his sprinklers was talked about too!

Maria (MTS)

08-27-2007, 10:36 AM	#3
mts Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Florida Posts: 503	I guess a lot depends on how religious she is... My mother in law was not religious at all. Before she passed away, I would bring her the most unique looking flowers, and sometimes, a new variety of Hibiscus (her favorite bloom). This way, she would still enjoy the latest looking hybrid and would give her something to look at and talk about. I would ask her where in her garden she wanted it... She lived in a small town, so even the latest gossip on the local government was interesting to her. I would also make frosting in her kitchen (from scratch, of course) and ask her opinion on the taste and consistency. I went through her mother's recipe boxes and she would nix or approve some of them... These may sound corney- but it gave her the power of providing her opinions on something new and old stuff -right at the very end. I treated her as I always did... For me, I would not want anymore since anymore would be fake. These "little things" gave me something to do without forcing any religious "framework" to her situation. We talked quite a bit- not superficial stuff, just normal stuff. Right towards the end, she wanted to be treated normally. The word dignity never came up, but was certainly expressed inmany ways. I do recall the idiot across the street that never learned to turn off his sprinklers was talked about too! Maria (MTS)