The TV show is on WED Chrisy and all -- TLC 9:. I saw her on the Today Show this A.M. The book is CRAZY SEXY CANCER *TIPS*. She's a Warrior, 4 yr Survivor and a ?vascular cancer. Told incurable. WE KNOW. Inoperable. SUCKS. No known treatment. She took the challenge and traveled everywhere for potential therapies, thinking out of the box. I'm going to check out the site Chrisy, but right off I loved her Spirit. She looked serene. Ann Curry mentioned how cancer patients often say it is the best thing that ever happened to them. Which I concur with, odd as it sounds. It was a major turning point in my life, A CATALYST for propelling me forward and upward, Spiritually and philosophically. My relationships became heightened with a crazy sexy LOVE. Paul and I held hands every where. We looked into each other's eyes more. We reached for each other across the pillows in the middle of the night because we were so scared and because this made us feel stronger and more protected. We cherished each day and one another more than ever.
My daughter's stopped hassling me over silly little things they'd ordinarily pull, proclaiming hurt feelings over the most absurd comments I'd make (distorted their intention entirely). With bc dx came I admire you, you're amazing, you're so strong and courageous, I'm so proud of you, I'm so lucky to have you in my life as my Mother, I love you, along with small kindesses and hovering, cards full of beautiful expressions of their deepest feelings.
Priorities rearranged themselves immediately. The annoying chipped paint on my front door (in the middle of the winter in NY when you had to wait to have it repainted) didn't really matter anymore. Even though it was the first thing I saw each and every day I got out of the car and walked in to my house. Piddly dumb stuff. Look at that sky. That tree! I'd go in the house and feed my dogs and water my plants and see how lucky I was. I knew from the getgo, despite my stage fourness, that it could be so very much worse. I see people in parking lots who can barely walk, and I'm not talking about elderly people, people with deformed faces and obviously mentally challenged. My Mother was in a Nursing Home unable to remember her name or who I was, she couldn't walk, talk, ask for a drink of water when she was thirsty, or a sweater when she was cold. She couldn't seem to follow conversation, she couldn't read or feed herself or go to the bathroom herself or bathe herself.
I felt that all the horrid side effects would eventually pass, or at least lessen considerably, and in the end the canSer (thanks Chrisy, I just LOVE pissing off canSer!) would be snuffed out and brought in to control. Incurable. Yeah, I know. So. It's a chronic disease under containment. That's the first goal. Then, staying there! Like acne, you may have a flare up, but you work really really hard and you master the canSer.
When Paul and I were first married, a really nice, slightly older attorney in his office, Joe, who thought I was beautiful but liked to irritate me, would say OH HI SANDY! every time he saw me. My name isn't Sandy. Oh, no? Oh, that's right. ANDY. Actually, Andi, I'd laugh, but cringe inside. After years of this, I finally wised up. As I'd meet Joe I'd say, Oh hi MOE. You should have seen his face! It's JOE. My name is Joe. Oh, yeah, right. Joe. And he never called me anything but Andi ever again.
So canSer, take your incurable self and get away from you. There's no room in my life for the likes of you. You stink. And so does the chemo, but at least it serves a useful purpose. Annihilating you, canSer.
Sending loving, healing energy to all those on this canSer adventure. I don't even want to call it a fight anymore. I work toward *medalling* in this race. I'm done struggling and battling. No one wants to be on the canSer journey, but once you find yourself there, kick it's butt and get on w/Life. It does make you realize how fortunate we are to have all we have despite the necessary losses. Life has never been sweeter. Wishing you WOW Now moments all day, every day.... MUCH LOVE TO ALL MY SISTER AND BROTHERS,
Andi 