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chrisy · 08-26-2007, 11:46 AM

Oh Sheila,
This disease is so devastating and it seems that "losing" your breast is just the beginning sometimes. As my 11 yo niece says,"it sucks the biggest thumb in the world"

Our loved ones also suffer, and grieve, various losses. If you hubby talks about missing your prior income, your prior physical attributes, whatever, he may be grieving losses, or feared losses far more unspeakable...his beloved, his dreams of the future...than hair and body shape. Not to mention loss of the "illusion" of control. And I"ll bet YOU miss all those things, too. I know I do.

Seeing you go back to a "heavy" chemo again maybe is a stark reminder. For me and my hubby, it was much easier to not think about these darker fears when I was in remission on Herceptin and having the recurrence brought it all back. Not to mention, for you, being on a meaner chemo can deplete your spirit along with the WBC (and, of course, the disease!)

Yes, this dumb disease does bring a lot of loss. I think, tho, that you are a stronger spirit which will not be defeated by it.

Only you know the strength of your marriage, but if you have always felt loved and respected, maybe you still are - YOU aren't the burden, CANCER is.

I know I'm rambling here, but your post brought up a lot of issues that I deal with (or don't deal with!). I also feel like a burden, and like the cause of everybody's pain. But that doesn't mean that my family feels that way. At least, I hope not. I try to stay focused on the real enemy but it is sometimes hard.

Much much love and hope things look up for your very soon!

Sucks the biggest thumb in the world.

Love
Chris

08-26-2007, 11:46 AM	#28
chrisy Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Coast, CA Posts: 3,207	Oh Sheila, This disease is so devastating and it seems that "losing" your breast is just the beginning sometimes. As my 11 yo niece says,"it sucks the biggest thumb in the world" Our loved ones also suffer, and grieve, various losses. If you hubby talks about missing your prior income, your prior physical attributes, whatever, he may be grieving losses, or feared losses far more unspeakable...his beloved, his dreams of the future...than hair and body shape. Not to mention loss of the "illusion" of control. And I"ll bet YOU miss all those things, too. I know I do. Seeing you go back to a "heavy" chemo again maybe is a stark reminder. For me and my hubby, it was much easier to not think about these darker fears when I was in remission on Herceptin and having the recurrence brought it all back. Not to mention, for you, being on a meaner chemo can deplete your spirit along with the WBC (and, of course, the disease!) Yes, this dumb disease does bring a lot of loss. I think, tho, that you are a stronger spirit which will not be defeated by it. Only you know the strength of your marriage, but if you have always felt loved and respected, maybe you still are - YOU aren't the burden, CANCER is. I know I'm rambling here, but your post brought up a lot of issues that I deal with (or don't deal with!). I also feel like a burden, and like the cause of everybody's pain. But that doesn't mean that my family feels that way. At least, I hope not. I try to stay focused on the real enemy but it is sometimes hard. Much much love and hope things look up for your very soon! Sucks the biggest thumb in the world. Love Chris __________________ Chris in Scotts Valley June 2002 extensive hi grade DCIS (pre-cancer-stage 0, clean sentinal node) Mastectomy/implant - no chemo, rads. "cured?" 9/2004 Diag: Stage IV extensive liver mets (!) ER/PR- Her2+++ 10/04-3/05 Weekly Taxol/Carboplatin/Herceptin , complete response! 04/05 - 4/07 Herception every 3 wks, Continue NED 04/07 - recurrence to liver - 2 spots, starting tykerb/avastin trial 06/07 8/07 10/07 Scans show stable, continue on Tykerb/Avastin 01/08 Progression in liver 02/08 Begin (TDM1) trial 08/08 NED! It's Working! Continue on TDM1 02/09 Continue NED 02/10 Continue NED. 5/10 9/10 Scans NED 10/10 Scans NED 12/10 Scans not clear....4/11 Scans suggest progression 6/11 progression confirmed in liver 07/11 - 11/11 Herceptin/Xeloda -not working:( 12/11 Begin MM302 Phase I trial - bust:( 03/12 3rd times the charm? AKT trial 5/12 Scan shows reduction! 7/12 More reduction!!!! 8/12 Whoops...progression...trying for Perjeta/Herceptin (plus some more nasty chemo!) 9/12 Start Perjeta/Herceptin, chemo on hold due to infection/wound in leg, added on cycle 2 &3 11/12 Poops! progression in liver, Stop Perjeta/Taxo/Herc 11/12 Navelbine/Herce[ptin - try for a 3 cycles, no go. 2/13 Gemzar/Carbo/Herceptin - no go. 3/13 TACE procedure Last edited by chrisy; 08-26-2007 at 04:42 PM.. Reason: rambled on some more!