Leslie my love,
What you're experiencing sounds totally normal. We have all been through it. And the tightness, phantom itching do last for up to a year. I still get tightness from time to time in my arm, which is painful. I take a Flexerol (muscle relaxant) and it goes away. I elevate my arm on several pillows, which also seems to relieve the pain. I am so sorry you are feeling all that you are (physically and emotionally). The latter is easily fixable, or at least is for me, w/anti-depressants. I need a little chemical alteration and I'm ME again!
The exercising is essential. The fingers walking up the wall hurts like hell. I was fortunate to have a surgeon who was INSISTENT on elevation when in bed and EXERCISE. And, he had suggested I have a private nurse. No, I said. Not necessary. You'll see. Do it. So Paul told me to make the arrangements. What was good (I had mastec and tram flap reconstr on the same table, so my recovery was more complicated, including the abdominal rearranging of my innards) is that the nurse MADE me do the exercises every few hrs. She MADE me walk. I walked to the door of the large room and wanted to get back to my chair. NO, she made me walk down the hall. I got to the room next door and wanted to go back. NO. And so on. I would never have pushed myself as hard, but in the end I was really moving, bending and such within a wk. At my post op visit, the nurse crinkled her eyebrows and said, Wait a minute. Didn't you just have a tram flap? Look at you. You're not walking the way most people walk after that. All doubled over. I said, The doc told me he sewed me up really good and I wouldn't split my stitches. So I felt free to let 'er rip, no pun intended.
The doc showed me how to take my bad arm and reach over my head and grab my opposite ear with my hand. He looked so funny, but he was demonstrating what I needed to do. That was extremely painful. I did do it though, under Nurse Hatchett's strident commands. And once I got home, I made believe the nurse was still pushing me and I followed up. In the hospital, as I lay in bed, I'd do the over the head thing, which helped ease the pain but allowed me to STRETCH, which is sooo important, along with strengthening my muscles.
I'd swing my arm forward and backward like a pendulum when I felt like someone had tied a tourniquet around my arm too tight and forgot to remove it! That pain was excruciating. The swinging movement kept the oxygen flowing, which is what you want to do, to avoid frozen shoulder or lymphodema. KEEP THE OXYGEN FLOWING, Leslie, whatever you do. And PUSH yourself, to speed the process of healing up. That was my surgeon's theory, and I adopted it, as I had such good results faster than anyone expected.
The doc did say DO NOT SLEEP ON YOUR LEFT SIDE. Okay. For how long? Forever. Forever? YES. Okay. He says that because of the numbness, you can cut off circulation and not realize it. So I do not sleep on my left side. The doc said DO NOT CARRY YOUR POCKETBOOK ON YOUR LEFT SIDE. DO NOT LIFT ANYTHING OVER 20 POUNDS WITH YOUR LEFT ARM. DO NOT HAVE BLOOD PRESSURE TAKEN ON LEFT SIDE. EVER. DO NOT HAVE A NEEDLE STICK ON HE LEFT SIDE. EVER. Elevate on several pillows as often as you can. Get this particular really, really soft bra and get a *bra extender* (which I found in a fabric store). That helped tremendously as *I* had to wear it 24 hrs a day, w/my tram flap boob!
Hope these suggestions are helpful. You are in my thoughts, Leslie. You've been through so much, be good to yourself, please. And when you hoist things, favor your right hand every time, painting pretty murals and such. Still love you and your PHOENIX RISING OUT OF THE ASHES. What an inspiration you are! How beautiful that painting is; seared in my memory. Ladies take a look and check out Leslie's profile pic. We are each like a phoenix -- beings of great beauty rising up above our adversities, becoming reborn and full of wonder. MUCH LOVE always...
Andi 
AndiBB@aol.com