[fauxgypsy]

Thank you all. It does help so much to hear from others who have gone through the same thing. I feel a little better today. It seems like I am dancing the two step (two steps forward, one step back). I hope to spend some time in my studio painting today. I own my own business, Love Designs, we do faux finishes and murals. Up until last fall, I primarily worked alone. My youngest daughter started working with me and she has been a huge help through all of this. But there are still some things that she cannot do. We didn't schedule any work through the summer because her children were out of school and I was feeling yucky from chemo. Summer is usually slow anyway for me so it worked out well. But things are picking up and I have two faux commissions scheduled for Sept. already and a mural coming up. I can supervise the faux but I need to be able to use that arm for the mural. We can manage finacially without my income but it is not easy so I am looking forward to getting back to work. I have been selling some artwork at a local gallery so that has helped.

I discussed all of this with the surgeon before the surgery, even going so far as to show him my portfolio so that he could give me a realsitic idea as to when I could get back to work. I stressed the fact that I use ladders and scaffolds and that I don't just paint pretty pictures. I don't think he got the idea, I seem to remember him saying two to three weeks. The good news is that I was able to do small art works later in the week after I came home.

Reading the literature on a mastectomy is so little help when it actually happens. I read "some numbness is to be expected", and I feel that I can't feel part of my back and I have itches that I can't scratch and "Some tenderness" appears to be the feeling that the entire area at the back of my underarm feels as if it has been sanded and the slightest touch hurts. Nobody mentioned the extreme tighteness as far as I remember. Of course at this point, I've had so many drugs that I might have forgotten. It is getting better, but a couple of my friends appear to have had different experiences or else it is like childbirth and you tend to forget the actual pain and annoyances. I feel like a hermit because I am not comfortable going out without a bra, and even the softest bra feels painful if I have it on very long at all. I had to bid on a job Thursday and as soon as I got back in the van I was taking it off before my daughter had the van cranked. I know that it will improve I just want it better NOW.

Leslie