I was never a pill taker, but bc changed that. My oncs said -- You know you don't get a medal for suffering. There is no reason for you to be in pain. They do not give out awards for such things. Take the pain pill. BEFORE it gets bad, before it gets out of hand. Be good to yourself.
Before a brain MRI, I confess, I take an Ativan. In fact, my onc told me to take 1 the night before as well, to get a good night's sleep and not worry. He's the one, in '98, who pushed me to do Taxotere, the most highly aggressive weapon at the time, to fight my highly aggressive ca. Tailor-made. A mean nasty drug that did the job, so I love it.
In the MRI machine, I doze. I bring my Andreas Bocelli Romanza CD and they give me headphones and I drift into reverie. I have my husband drive! This last time, I woke and it wasn't quite done. I decided to be brave (super serene from my one little Ativan) and take a peak. It was WAY BIGGER in there than I imagined. I thought the machine would be inches from my nose. It was roomy. Or so it felt at the time. So, now, I don't think I'll need the Ativan next time. I am a bit claustrophobic, but this is not what I'd envisioned. THE REALITY IS RARELY AS BAD AS WE CONJURE UP FOR DAYS, EVEN WEEKS BEFORE. Have you noticed that?
As for INSCANITY -- I still get it. I request a same day report, scheduling myself for the first appointment of the day, to allow TIME, for the report to be emailed to my doc who calls me. I call the doc the moment I get home and remind his nurse that I will be sitting by the phone, with my husband, awaiting their call. After all these years, we sit on pins and needles waiting to hear -- STABLE. We bought some more time! Yeah! Celebration. In '98/'99 we'd get exact measurements of each and every multiple tumor in my liver and compare sizes from the last report. Paul would take the square root which clarified and seemed to magnify what didn't at first appear to be much progress. We (the Taxotere, Herceptin, me and Paul and my oncs) knocked every damn cell out. I DID get in the way some, but I am glad I took the most difficult path. It was just what I needed. Facing lousy odds, I just did what I had to and prayed and focused my ENERGY and thoughts, meditated, used guided imagery and took (and take) heaps of supplements to keep my immune system in fighting spirit and all systems cooperating in HEALING.
This is what I wish for all my Sisters. Don't just ask for a miracle -- insist on it -- call it to you, with the power of your consciously chosen mental dialogue that plays out in your head all day! Signal the Universe with the purest most passionate ENERGY you can muster, and it will sense your vibrations going out and match them IN KIND!
Sending you loving, healing energy and prayers all...
ANDI 