[Believe51]

Hope you know that I sometimes feel funny writing here not being the one sick with BC, but I do have other health conditions; in the past I needed a hysterectomy at 30 years old (refused hormone replacement therapy...thank God for that today).

I just want to say that the unknowing was the worst for us, the stress it created was hard to push away at times, and still is (scanity). Not knowing, taking the test, waiting for the results..nightmare...nightmare...nightmare!!

Try to look at it like this, (and please do not get offended):

The worst day of our lives for my wonderful husband and I was not the day we first heard the word CANCER!!! Our worst day was the day before.....the day before we did not know what we were up against, we had no way to fight back not knowing. The day of diagnosis was the first day we were empowered...the first day of our battle.

Now I do not have the advice about what to do before the scans to avoid this stress, but we tend to have those same feelings too. Radiation to my husband's BRAIN & PELVIS was rather scary to us and still is, but we are almost through it. That test said he had many 'salted' areas of the brain and 5 mets that were 4-9mm each. We must have a night to ourselves to ponder (we do not ponder about the test, the waiting, the results..). Rather we talk about our 3 1/2 year old granddaughter and wanting to watch her grow. Do not get me wrong, we are all fighting for the same thing whether we are effected by BC or the caregiver. The reason for this fight is for the same reason as anyone else has (we all want to watch our children/grandchilren grow, stay near our spouses, to even go to work like he once did).

Pushing away those feelings that come with the whole 'scanity' thing has to be the hardest thing we have ever done. Try to tell yourself that once you find out, good or bad, then you have the ammo to fight whatever comes your way. Scary as it is you will have been empowered!! If the test comes out clear, then you have spent the last how many days worrying. If the test comes back not so good, then you have the power to plan your next course of attack.

You have always remained in our prayers and are there even more so today. I shall light a candle tonight as I do every night. One candle is always just for my husband, the other is just for my friends. Tonight I will be lighting two large Yankee Candles that are 'Wild Cherry'....hope you like fruit Sweetie!!

Sending out humungous hugs and prayers that you can find the peace to follow through with this all. And again, you are always close to heart and mind. Count me as a distant supportive friend. If we all pray from different parts of the world, we gotcha covered!!

Waiting For A Miracle....and commanding one soon>>Believe51