[Andrea Barnett Budin]

WHEN SANDY FIRST FOUND OUT, she did not tell me -- her friend since 1969. We moved in next door to each other. Me pregant w/my baby daughter Pami, w/ 18 mnth old Ali. We are like family. Sandy and Marvin are Uncle and Aunt to my kids.

I found out accidentally, having called another friend to see how she was (after 3 surgeries for fibromyalgia and complications). She said, You know about Sandy... No. The longest pause ever heard. I was clutching at my bedspread. What's going on? I didn't want to be the one to tell you. It seems no one wanted to tell me. She has breast cancer.

I called Sandy and when I asked why she hadn't called me, one of her best friends who loves her beyond words, she said she didn't want to upset me. (I think I was going through my husband's Shingles, dehydration, passing out, breaking his foot, passing out again, calling an ambulance....). But that doesn't matter. That's what friends do. We support one another in good times and bad. She had wanted to wait till after the surgery to tell me the end result which she was certain would be good.

Well, then they saw more stuff that was questionable and did more surgery. And she has been keeping me posted as I can't keep my mouth shut. Have you seen an onc? No. They don't want to see me until I heal from the surgery. It sounded odd. One agreed to see her. All top docs in NY, I'm in the best of hands. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. Sandy is 10 yrs older than me. I worry. (She had been on hormone replacement therapy for16 yrs. Tried going off when it became a hullaballoo then couldn't take the hot flashes so went back on.) Eats like a bird, fish dry, vegetables dry, fruit, bread, some pasta (mostly dry). Drinks wine. Runs 5 miles a day. Goes to the gym. Health nut. Takes some vitamins. I worry.

I ask questions about the nodes, about HER2. She says she is writing the things I say down and will ask the doc. So the above post is the latest, and it felt inadequate. But maybe I am not up on this as a 4th stage metastatic ILC+2nodes,w/multiple tumors in the liver.

It just makes sense to me to do nodes (from tissue taken already) which I think is something new Jean posted today. To test for HER2 and the GRADE, which Grace and Penelope have mentioned. So, I think now she is telling me everything. But maybe not asking questions. Her husband is a wonderful man, but generally does as his beloved wife says. He isn't asking questions. I seem to be the only one with questions.

Thanks Alice for giving this some thought. It is very kind of you. I feel mistakes are being made. Maybe there are different schools of thought re DCIS. Maybe some are more aggressive than others in checking all possibilities, to be better prepared, to maybe even alter tx. I don't know. I'm asking on this site, because I have so much respect for your accumulated knowledge, your good hearts and your experience. I can think of no better forum to address. I love you all. And wish only good reports, easy tx and NED to every one of you. ANDI