[MJo]

I don't blame you for feelings scared and if you want to curl up into a little ball and give yourself tight hugs, i hope you will do it. I'm sending you a cyber hug and if you have people around make sure they hug you too.
I don't blame you for wanting your life back. That said, it sounds like all your doctors expect you to respond to treatment. Nobody is recommending hospice. One of your doctors seems to expect remission. I bet there's a good chance you could go NED again. I know Gemzar is very powerful because two people I know are taking it. I also know that chemo sucks. Navelbene, tykerb, herceptin -- I don't know. I do know that sooner or later I have to accept what my doctor says if I trust him.
It sounds like you have years ahead of you. God bless.