[Andrea Barnett Budin]

Forgive my need to tell ALL. My father used to scream -- GET TO THE PINT ALREADY! I want to give you the full pic, however. Back in the day, when I was 1st dx, I would get dexamethazone (?sp) steroids the day before and the day of the ward off side effects. These are great, but you can't sleep w/them. You can clean out all yr closets. Then 2 days after, I'd crash.

Chemos are long, w/pre meds. I went prepared w/2 bks, in case one got boring. Couldn't focus and never read. Didn't bring headset and music. Talked to other patients. A VERITABLE FUND OF INFORMATION, comparing notes, what are you in for -- bonding -- side effects they had and what they found to fix it. Zofran was a Godsend for the major nausea. They gave me all my prescrip at the first chemo -- I wished they'd given them before, so I didn't have to deal w/filling them and HAVING them at the ready after 5 hrs of chemo. I left, I felt fine. My dghtr Pami tk to LIRR out and held my hand for the first hr. I felt her loving energy, along w/Paul's who sat beside me, as he does ev single time I go to a doc, have a test, get chemo, Vit H or whatever.
We are a team. I felt surrounded by love. Paul said with pained words, I wish I could take the chemo for you. He meant it. Pami tried to take all she could holding my hand. The needle inserted in my arm, the drugs to annihilate any malig cells going in, her energy racing through me on the left. I was well armed.

After 1 chemo I decided having lousy veins is so not fair. Turned myself in for an outpatient clinic PORT to be inserted. BEST THING I EVER DID. I love my port! Just didn't want any more surgery, but it was nothing. And no more poking and poking and prodding and failing to get IN to my skinny veins. My luck -- the one skinny thing about me -- my veins. Again, so unfair.

Taxotere was tough for me, but it did what it had to and so I would submit to it's grueling side effects to rid mys of all ca cells. Tk me 8 mnts but it shrunk ev 1 of my multiple tumors. I had 4 or 5 oncs. All brilliant. All added something to the mix that was a vital ingredient. I continued to see them after the met bc, during treatment. 1 fnd my shingles prob that wouldn't have bn fnd until my next chemo, so I got on the med to kill that nasty painful raging virus days before I wld have. I got rid of the damn thing in 10 days (having bn denied chemo w/shingles raging). I knew I wld die w/o the chemo so I MADE UP MY MIND to get rid of it fast. Had the edge w/the early dx and added supplements from my bible PRESCRIPTION FOR NUTRITIONAL HEALING (James Balch, MD and Phyllis Balch) re shingles. Got back on track in 10 days.

Had a really rough time accepting the 2nd dx, believing I was doing ev thing right. Didn't know that w/Her2+ you must attend to that partic and most aggressive gene or you'll recur. I thought I'd failed to keep myself well. I was full of fear beyond the 1st dx. My dear friend Sue had tried to explain that to me. I thought if you recur it's easier becz you've bn through it already, so you know what's coming. No, it's way harder, she would tell me, with this enormous love we had for each other holding us together (even whn in separate states). I felt trapped and doomed and as the side effects worsened and they kept tweaking my protocol -- ev 3 wks, 1 wk off, except for the Vit H, YOU ALW GET THE HERCEPTIN, NO MATTER WHAT then ev 4 wks w2 wks off, I can't even rem now, but nothing helped, bottom line. I was shuffling, not walking, tripping on my own ft. Paul asked what's wrong w/you. I leaned on him on ev imag way. When I could barely talk, my tongue weighing 50 lbs, I was ready to give up. Then I read ONE DAY MY SOUL JUST OPENED UP, it provoked me to write my PRAYER FOR SURVIVAL which is powerful medicine! Major turning point! 4 mnths into treatment. I tk the next 5 mnths well. Dec '98 changed my life!

Now let me quickly add -- others got the same Taxotere and got up and went to work. So ev body is diff, ev bc is diff, ev drg acts diff in ea of us so don't set yrslf up for a hard time. 1st chemo they gave me scrips for meds. Told me to take Zofran next morning. They'd given me anti-naus med in my IV w/chemo. What if I don't need it>, I asked the nurse. She thought for a second and said -- TAKE IT ANYWAY! First thing in the AM. Felt good. Went to dinner w/dgthr and husb. Felt a bit queasy tow the end. Want to go home. Got washed up. Paul feel asleep. I began tossing and turning, heard mys moaning and groaning. Finally wke P up in desperation, rdy to jump out the window. TAKE THE ZOFRAN he said. But they said to take it tmrrw. What time is it? he asked. Midnight. It's tmrrw. TAKE IT NOW. In 1/2 hr I was fine! So after that I tk the Zofran 4 hrs after chemo, regardless of what they put in my IV. For general queasiness, not big time NAUSEA, I would take Phenergan. That worked for me. Compazeen (?sp) did NOT work for ME (usually given). To be continued... ANDI