[Mary Anne in TX]

HavahJ, I don't have a clue what having MS is like, but I do know that shingles along with BC is the pitts. I found myself having those same "I can't take it" feelings. I just had to get some pain relief for a while and then get my clear thinking back in gear. I had had a "dolphin moment" about a year ago on a very difficult chemo day and I put myself back in that place in my mind and found my positive me again. I had been looking out the window (we live on a canal on the Texas coast) and saw 5 dophins swimming down the canal. I raced outside (who cares how I looked) and soaked up those incredible breathing noises and the sight of those wonderful beautiful bodies swimming behind my house! I marveled that God had created such remarkable creatures and then celebrated that He let me spend some time with them as they "fished" in my canal. I have a little condo on a beautiful spot in God's kingdom of creatures. It truly took my breath away! I rely on those memories and the wonder they return in me each time I sink into overwhelm. I spent about 6 months or so relying far too much on the CA27-29 tumor marker scores. If they were up, I was down. And vice versa.... But my onc stood firm that they were just another guide to watch for trouble, not hard evidence of trouble. He has never given into my overwhelm or dispair. When I am weak, he stands firm with me. I haven't been in that place too often, but my wonderful onc and my "dolphin moment" sustain me in the worst of times. I can't take any of it away for you, but I do know that within you is a place of peace and wonderment. Find a way back to that place. Ask someone to help you talk yourself there. I admire your obvious courage of fighting one disease and then to take on one more burden with BC. Wishing you a "dolphin moment" of your own. Luv and hugs, ma