[Caroline UK]

Patb,

I became neutropaenic when I had my first lot of Taxotere, and I've never felt so ill and wiped out in my life. It was very frightening. But they sorted me out and I made a full recovery, with a whole new respect for the human body.
I can understand your fear now of your port, but I'm wondering if it might have become something concrete for you to focus all your other unspoken fears on?
It seems to me that there is always a risk of infection, and that if anything, there's more of a risk if you don't have a port, with having to have veins freshly accessed every time.
I can also understand wanting to know where the source of infection might have been. (It sounded too far away, time-wise, from the Herceptin infusion for it to have been anything to do with it). But my thinking is that you probably don't have a lot of time and energy to spare, and that maybe there isn't much point now that you're recovering. Isn't it more useful to your health and happiness to spend that precious time and energy enjoying feeling better, and having laughs and nice times with family and friends? I hope that doesn't sound flippant or as if I'm dismissing your concerns, I really don't mean it that way.
By the way, I think Portacaths are made from silicone, as the body doesn't reject it as a foreign body or try to encapsulate it with fibrous tissue.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery