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mts · 04-23-2007, 01:40 PM

I, or my husband have a pillow talk every night with my son. He either comes to my bed, or I to his and we just lay there for 5 minutes (sometimes less) and we chat about anything HE wants. Sometimes we talk about cancer, sometimes we talk about Sponge Bob. Last night we talked about cheap luggage ! Either way, we communicate, and whatever is a concern to him.
I had not realized how "deep" kids can be...
When he was 5 yrs old -I took him to chemo infusions with me. He became accustomed to seeing other people with cancer and realizing they were all people... just like me with an illness that required drugs that made one fell and look pretty bad. I tried to keep every aspect of his life as scheduled as possible, just like when you are not going through cancer treatment. He was more concerned about my appearance than my actual illness. Some kids would ask what was wrong with me. He was embarassed to answer. I allowed him to have a few kids over to spend the night, etc and those kids saw my normalcy... one little boy would wear my wig and we would all laugh. It certainly made my son more comfortable to see other kids accept me. Kids will be kids, and there always will be those that will say stuff.
I became the cupcake queen (still am) in his class. I am now the most popular mom in his class... I helped buy his friends with food, and darn proud of it.
Now he is 8 ( I also have a 5 yr old daughter) and until last September, I was still taking Herceptin. Cancer is a part of life in our household. They both know there are people that can't walk, people that can't see, people that are shy, people that have bad habits and people like me. The more they saw and learned, the better they are able to deal with my illness. Knowledge is powerful, even for an 8 yr old! I know that being so matter-of-fact with an 8 yr old takes away from their innocence- I hate that my son worries too. But the important thing is to give him the knowledge to cope. I sometimes ask him to help ME feel better by rubbing my feet for 5 seconds, or getting me a kleenex... he especially likes to answer the phone now. He has become a stronger kid emotionally and better at "moving on". Try to empower your child by allowing him to take an active role in your treatment. Of course he cannot make clinical decisions for you, but there are ways to make him feel included in the process. People are generally very willing to help. I think kids are especially gifted in this area if they are given the "limited" responsiblity to do what they can to feel included and helpful. They want to feel like they matter. They are also incredibly resilient. I know its painful- and that it is difficult to hide your fears too.

I wanted my son to "grow-up" and understand what was happening to me so that I would not feel bad for him.

In the end, it was my opening-up to him that really made the difference in his approach to cancer. He will worry no matter what- that is normal. If your cancer makes him grow-up a little sooner than most kids, look at it as an advantage for him.

Warmly,

maria (MTS)

04-23-2007, 01:40 PM	#2
mts Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central Florida Posts: 503	I, or my husband have a pillow talk every night with my son. He either comes to my bed, or I to his and we just lay there for 5 minutes (sometimes less) and we chat about anything HE wants. Sometimes we talk about cancer, sometimes we talk about Sponge Bob. Last night we talked about cheap luggage ! Either way, we communicate, and whatever is a concern to him. I had not realized how "deep" kids can be... When he was 5 yrs old -I took him to chemo infusions with me. He became accustomed to seeing other people with cancer and realizing they were all people... just like me with an illness that required drugs that made one fell and look pretty bad. I tried to keep every aspect of his life as scheduled as possible, just like when you are not going through cancer treatment. He was more concerned about my appearance than my actual illness. Some kids would ask what was wrong with me. He was embarassed to answer. I allowed him to have a few kids over to spend the night, etc and those kids saw my normalcy... one little boy would wear my wig and we would all laugh. It certainly made my son more comfortable to see other kids accept me. Kids will be kids, and there always will be those that will say stuff. I became the cupcake queen (still am) in his class. I am now the most popular mom in his class... I helped buy his friends with food, and darn proud of it. Now he is 8 ( I also have a 5 yr old daughter) and until last September, I was still taking Herceptin. Cancer is a part of life in our household. They both know there are people that can't walk, people that can't see, people that are shy, people that have bad habits and people like me. The more they saw and learned, the better they are able to deal with my illness. Knowledge is powerful, even for an 8 yr old! I know that being so matter-of-fact with an 8 yr old takes away from their innocence- I hate that my son worries too. But the important thing is to give him the knowledge to cope. I sometimes ask him to help ME feel better by rubbing my feet for 5 seconds, or getting me a kleenex... he especially likes to answer the phone now. He has become a stronger kid emotionally and better at "moving on". Try to empower your child by allowing him to take an active role in your treatment. Of course he cannot make clinical decisions for you, but there are ways to make him feel included in the process. People are generally very willing to help. I think kids are especially gifted in this area if they are given the "limited" responsiblity to do what they can to feel included and helpful. They want to feel like they matter. They are also incredibly resilient. I know its painful- and that it is difficult to hide your fears too. I wanted my son to "grow-up" and understand what was happening to me so that I would not feel bad for him. In the end, it was my opening-up to him that really made the difference in his approach to cancer. He will worry no matter what- that is normal. If your cancer makes him grow-up a little sooner than most kids, look at it as an advantage for him. Warmly, maria (MTS)