[Margerie]

Hi Emelie,

I am a little ahead of you on a similar path. I am a year out of chemo. I was also surprised how hard the post-chemo days were. My onc had warned me it was perfectly normal to fall apart a little once chemo was finished. He was right. I was in battle mode and put off a lot of the emotional aspect, just dealing with getting thru chemo. It hits you that there is so much more to go thru (in my case oophorectomy, menopause, thyroidectomy, reconstruction) and you just plain get tired of it. And then you realize it can be much worse. And the cycle continues...

But now I have many more good days than bad. Actually I don't have many bad days at all- knock on wood. Have hope that all your hard work will pay off!

About the arm pain- I had that also after my MRM. The "burning arm" syndrome (as I named it) is very common- part of the healing process. I think it lasted a few months. I have complete range of motion and no pain now. I started with a very tight armpit, but worked it out. You can consult with a PT if you feel you aren't making progress.

I admit I was kind of obscessed with my crazy hair. I had those weird coarse eyelashes also. I actually lost most of my brows and lashes 2 months after my last taxol. Thankfully they grew back in normal after that. My first hair back reminded me of tennis ball fuzz. I don't remember it falling out, but normal hair did start growing in around it. I felt like a newborn baby. It at first was half gray, and I colored it with some natural (no ammonia) hair color- my avatar pic. I am happy to report it is back to my old brunette color now.

Communicating on these boards is also a godsend.

Aww- being a crybaby, I joined that club too. What really helped me was expressing myself in the form of drawing cartoons about this crazy experience. Some of them are funny, some heartbreaking, you get the picture. But putting them down and sharing has helped "validate" these aspects for me. I am sure you have many wonderful days ahead and soon you can think- "Hey, this time last year I was bald!"