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Ruth,
It is so hard to believe, but I was in the very similar situation you are in several years ago. My grandmother and best friend died in april.My dad died 3 days after Christmas the same year. 2 weeks after burying my father, my husband and I split. I also have 3 children who were distraught. My kids and I moved in with my mother and stepdad, which was a trial, but grateful to have them there. I was working upwards of 60 hours a week. That entire 2 year span was sheer hell. I found myself unable to focus on anything, having crying jags that lasted for hours and came from nowhere. I remember sitting in the doctors office and bawling, telling him I thought I was losing my mind. I had never taken meds for anything ever before and was so resistant to it at first. That beautiful man prescribed me Prozac and a low dose ativan to get me through the first little bit until the prozac was working. Without those meds, I may very well would have lost my mind. There was too much weighing on me, as it sounds like is the same case with you. It did not hinder my functioning and I was finally able to focus on the things I needed to focus on in my life and deal with my dads death in a constructive way, instead of deconstructing myself the way I was. I took the prozac for about eight months and it made my emotions somewhat blunted, but at that time, I feel that was exactly what I needed to function. It was all about survival at the time. Girl! Go get something to aid you through this!! Prozac may not be right for you, but there are so many out there to choose from. There is no reason for you to suffer needlessly. You have alot on your plate and you are still expected to handle it and pretend everything is fine and dandy. It's not fair, but that is what people expect of you. Get some help with that, especially because of your cancer diagnosis. I don't care what the research says, stress does kill, not just with MI's and hypertension.
Losing your dad never gets easier. It's been 7 years since I lost mine. He was only 51 and it was slow and painful for him. It makes me sad daily, but thankfully, it is to a much lesser degree most days. I will keep you in my thoughts!
Stephanie C
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