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Holy buckets!! That is a lot to deal with. I don't have a whole lot of faith in the positive thinking will help your cancer thing, but stress is unlikely to help. And not being able to grieve is stressful.
I think that it might be a good idea to do some counseling for a while. Then at least for an hour a week or so you can actually state what you are feeling and thinking without having to be superwoman. My situation on my previous round of BC was not as bad yours, but it wasn't great and a few months of meetings with a psychologist helped a great deal.
Take care, vent as much and as often as you like.
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