[Joy]

Boy how things have changed in such a short time. I hadn't had a PET/CT in a long time. The last I did was in one of those trailers that was dank with a really ugly easy chair and heinous bad paneling and no bathroom. AND you had to have your arms 'tied' above your head for 45 minutes til your shoulders cramped. I remember the last 5 minutes seemed like years. I always kinda wondered if it wasn't tech humor behind the torture.

So now we have our own PET center in Ft. Fun. It is swanky. Comfy chair, rooms with big windows and I got to watch a DVD of "Everybody Loves Raymond" on HD TV. This is a treat to someone who has not had television for 11 years. My TV is tiny and we just watch the occasional dvd. Oh, and really good looking, funny techs who are quite smart-bonus. Then the PET/CT part was only 25 minutes, 2 warm blankies and my arms at my sides, I even dozed off-woo hoo.

The most hilarious part was my 'parting gift'. I got a gift bag (purple tissue and everything). The guy said, "Here is a drink and a snack". I got in my car and cracked up! There was a bottle of water-great and the snack was Keebler frosted animal cookies! I felt like recess would be next. There was, though, a beautiful book of quotes in there too.


Anyway, I have a regular CT with IV contrast scheduled for next Monday. I don't meet with my doc until a week from Thursday and I realized I don't even want the results. I mean, I know I have to get them, but I'm not chomping at the bit to get them the way I used to. It feels a little weird, but good, I think. The last couple of years I have lived results to results and I vowed I would not this year. Gina's story in her post kind of shored that up for me. My only anxiety now is when the phone rings, which happens A LOT. I just hate it when a doc calls and my hope is that there is no call and that results are good enough that it can all wait until the 8th.

So, of course, I'm asking you guys to think the happy thoughts that I know you do and for which I am always so grateful.


I would love to stay on navelbine. I really want to get my new hair highlighted and cut before my New Orleans trip March 28th. But I'm waiting until results. I wish I were gutsy enough to just do it and say even if the results stink I will approach this w/out chemo i.e. SIR or tykerb/herceptin (approval of tykerb would HELP) or adding avastin.

I want to stay excited about New Orleans.

My ex-husband and I still go on family vacations with our kids and we are thinking about a houseboat trip this summer -our 10 year old's request. I'd like to stay excited about that too.


My best friend of over 20 years has been in South America and when she returns she is thinking of hanging out here with us for awhile and working in Ft. Collins and I want that to be great too.


I would also like to get 'well' and work again. My family 'forbade' me after I started Taxol/Carbo last year as they wanted me to focus on health and kids. But I'm motivated to earn some money myself and I pledged money to our little private school that desperately needs it in order for me to stay focused and be positive. I have to make good on that.

And, most importantly, as so many know for yourselves, my kids need a mom. I'm not the best mom ever, but I sure try hard and I love doing it.


Oh and again, a date would be nice in the future too.


Okay, I have shared an awful lot-sorry. All I really wanted was some extra good thoughts from you, who understand all of this better than anyone. Love to you all.