[KellyA]

Hi Kriss,

I do know what an awful feeling it was to lose the hair. It was the first time also, for me, that it really sunk in that I had cancer. I had managed to look "normal" with reconstruction after my double mast., and the first chemo didn't really make me sick, but there was no denying it when the hair started falling. It didn't help that a few of my loved ones burst into tears the first time they saw me without it. My father, whom I have never seen cry, cried. Horrible feeling.

My husband and boys were wonderful. We had a little party and I got a nice mohawk. I figured that if that didn't put me in the "Cool Mom Book" forever, nothing would! My hubby also carved the NY Yankees logo into the back of my head (I told him that I thought he was enjoying the trim just a little too much and he said it was a once in a lifetime opportunity!!!! :-) ). My hair has always been very long so it was a bit of an adjustment, but I tried to be positive and develope a new "style" with clothes and accessories.

The worst part for me was the staring. I couldn't go anywhere without creating a big "hush" and getting everything frome pity looks to completely horrified stares. I hated to be treated like a "sick person" or like "walking death". Sometimes it would really piss me off. My friends, co-workers and family were wonderful- and many people complimented me on how my eyes look larger, and my smile was so pretty. That always made me feel good.

Now, with chemo 3 months behind me, and a full head of hair, everything is different. I feel "reborn" (corny, I know) and that period of my life is already becoming a distant memory. Sometimes I miss that time though, as sick as it seems, because it was a time when I felt so overwhelmed with love from others,a new way of looking at the world, and at myself. Take lots of pictures- I didn't want to at first, but it is a time that I never want to forget and a time when I really learned to love myself. Being "bald" was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Love, Kelly