[Sherryg683]

I have been going in for treatment every week now for 13 months and I still see a lot of the same faces. I don't know what's happened to me lately but I feel sort of like a shell shocked veteran or something. For a long time, it wouldn't bother me that much. I would laugh and chat and talk to whoever was interested. Over the last month I have found it much harder for me to handle. I sit in my chair, pull the blanket over my head and when it's over I rush out. This week on my way to rushing out, I saw this young girl that I have seen so many times over the year, her elderly mother is always with her. She's in a wheelchair, has this big red curly wig plopped on her head and looks like she's in a coma, she is just blank. Then I saw this other lady that I have seen before, she has also become wheelchair bound, she was sitting there with this awful painful look on her face and a rag thrown over her forehead. I just had to rush out of there and cry. I don't know what type of cancer everyone has, but I have just about had my fill of seeing it on a weekly basis..the pain it causes. I just keep thinking "but for the grace of God go I". I just hate this disease so much and hate seeing what it does to people, the dignity and life it robs. Sorry, my post is a downer, it just has gotten to where it all affects me so much lately. Since I am presently NED and feeling fine, I was going to volunteer to work in the cancer center where I go..to give something back. I just don't know if I am strong enough mentally to do this..does that make sense. You are right though, there are so many brave strong men and women in there fighting their butts off, laughing and going on with their lives, but you can always tell the ones that have been fighting for a long time, they're not quite as chipper...sherryg683