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SusanV · 11-07-2006, 11:32 AM

Kristin,

Thank God for friends..My advice to you as to what to do for your friend, is the amazing LIFE LESSON that I have learned from several people in my life since my diagnosis in August.

Don't EVER ask your friend what can I do for you ? She won't have an answer to give you.. she is dealing with shock, denial and so much more. There are several stages that you go through one more emotianally painful than the next.

So instead of asking...Just do Something...

Some examples, 4 of my neighbors got together and every three weeks when I get my chemo on Monday they each take a night Monday through Thursday and bring dinner for my family...unbelievable acts of kindness

Every Saturday after my chemo, my sister in law takes my kids ( 6 & 9) for the entire weekend for bowling or other fun activities which allows me time at home to not feel well, and not have to worry about the kids. A wonderful gift.

Possibly think of a fun Saturday activity and, tell her that you really would like to take her kids for the day...It will give her a day to cry and not have the kids to worry about.

I have learned from these and others, that although in my life I really meant well when I asked others the question "Can I do something for you?" People don't know what they need. From now on I am a do-er not an asker. Hope this helps.

11-07-2006, 11:32 AM	#9
SusanV Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: PA Posts: 188	Kristin, Thank God for friends..My advice to you as to what to do for your friend, is the amazing LIFE LESSON that I have learned from several people in my life since my diagnosis in August. Don't EVER ask your friend what can I do for you ? She won't have an answer to give you.. she is dealing with shock, denial and so much more. There are several stages that you go through one more emotianally painful than the next. So instead of asking...Just do Something... Some examples, 4 of my neighbors got together and every three weeks when I get my chemo on Monday they each take a night Monday through Thursday and bring dinner for my family...unbelievable acts of kindness Every Saturday after my chemo, my sister in law takes my kids ( 6 & 9) for the entire weekend for bowling or other fun activities which allows me time at home to not feel well, and not have to worry about the kids. A wonderful gift. Possibly think of a fun Saturday activity and, tell her that you really would like to take her kids for the day...It will give her a day to cry and not have the kids to worry about. I have learned from these and others, that although in my life I really meant well when I asked others the question "Can I do something for you?" People don't know what they need. From now on I am a do-er not an asker. Hope this helps. __________________ Susan V - Pittsburgh PA DX Age 37 on August 3, 2006 Stage 1 Grade 3 ER/PR + (Highly Positive) Her 2 +++ 1.3 & 1.2 tumors right breast node negative lumpectomy 8-15-06 A/C Began 9-5-06 Finished A/C 11/6/06 Port Placement 9-15-06 Negative Test for BRAC1 & BRAC2 10-25-06 Began Tamoxofin November 21, 2006 First Herceptin November 27, 2006 Continues every 3 Weeks First Radiation Treatment December 11, 2006 35 Rads Completed Final Herceptin Treatment November 12, 2007 Port Removal November 19, 2007 Living Life to the Fullest !!