[sadie]

I am so glad I found this thread today. My onc does not believe in scans etc unless there are symptoms. I think I prefer it that way (not sure). I went for my annual physical 3 weeks ago and at that point is when I have become (off and on) an emotional basket case. (She is the same dr who found my initial bc). She said I had blood in my urine, so she sent me for a cat scan of my abdomen and pelvic area last week. The drs office has not called me with results yet. I found out they got the results 4 days ago. I called them late in the day today (Friday at 4:15pm) and left a voicemail asking for the results. They did not respond. I don't know what time the office closed. My imagination is working overtime now. I'm afraid that maybe they found something and maybe she (my primary dr) spoke with the onc about the results and since I have an appt with the onc next week Tuesday, the onc probably told her that she would give me the bad news. I know this is all my imagination at work, but I'm really scared now.
I have been terrible this past month. Could it be because Oct 3rd is my 1 yr anniversary? Could it be because my primary dr is the one that found the bc? Could it be effects of Arimidex? I don't know. All I know is I need a shoulder and some encouragement. I hate the waiting for the results. I have been so strong and positive-thinking up until a month ago. I'm afraid these emotional times will become more and more frequent. I'm afraid to feel confident; because then the let-down would be harder to take. Afraid to let myself be happy? Gee, do I need to see a psychiatrist or something? Are these normal feelings at this time? Will they go away after I get an all-clear on the tests? (I hope).
Is this how it's going to feel for the rest of my life (like I'm waiting everyday for it to come back?)
Thanks for letting me vent all of my fears. I just wish these feelings would pass so I could get on with my normal(?) life.