Husband's Petscan Friday
 

Hello Ladies!! It is only Marie G calling upon you all for some encouragement and wisdom because I am Soooo scared. My honey is off his Taxotere, he is still taking his Herceptin, Tamoxifen and monthly Zometa for his stage IV HER2+/Inflammatory BC and Friday is his Petscan. We are both besides ourselves right now, do not get us wrong, we are excited about finding out what has been done during his 8 month fight, but terrified to look. He has fractured ribs and pelvis bones that were damaged by the cancer and they will be scanned in a few weeks, but the scan Friday has me in despair. If it is good, then what...?? If it is bad, then what..? We were not given much time at diagnosis, but he seems to have the upper hand with this and has tolerated chemo well. Help me girls, I am so depressed this week I feel like I am falling apart at the seams, and we have just begun our fight. I think the outside has given me more stress than his illness has and I have found myself short of tolerence lately. Here I am asking for support from you women who are actually the sick ones, but who better to beg for help?? You girls know what it is to have the disease and what you need and expect from your caregivers. I am so petrified and excited for Friday, yet I do not want it to come. I sometimes feel like I am whining to you girls, but what you need to know is how much "I" depend on you all, how I pray for you, and how my daily thoughts comprise many of your names and words of wisdom. Lots of Hugs & Kisses!! >>Waiting For A Miracle(or atleast some good news)>>Marie G

I don't know why but the beginning of things - at diagnosis, when you don't know what you're up against is the worst. Then, if you've done any prework, waiting for pathology is bad too - how big, how many nodes, ER?, PR?, Her2?. After that and for a long time to come - it is the scans. All I can say is that it will be what it will be.


Your husband sounds like he tolerated chemo and everything else quite well and seems to be feeling ok. This is good news. The scans are what they are - sometimes good or mixed reviews. I will be thinking of you because scan times are bad times. We will all be here for you and waiting for the news with you. Try to smile. Rent a funny movie (What about Bob?, My Cousin Vinny) and relax. You deserve it. Caregiving is exhausting and not something you think you will need to do even though most of us figure we will have to do it at some point to someone.

I will be thinking about you. Big hugs from me.

Marie, we've all been on the roller coaster ride of scan time...I think someone here has nicknamed it "scanity"! It's a scary time, and most of that comes from being in limbo. It'll be ok once you know what the results are, because good or bad you will go on with your lives, doing what you have to do to survive and LIVE.
Another good movie idea, one that we just saw and LOVED, is the new Will Farrel movie "Stranger Than Fiction". It's not his usual slapstick comedy but a really sweet love story.
Hang in there, give your hubby a hug from us!

<3 Lolly

Marie,

I'm 14 months post-diagnosis, so I'm at a stage where I've just had my first annual mammogram (fine), and other tests because of various odd aches and pains. I can really sympathise, as we all can here, with what you're going through. The waiting is agony, if I allow myself to think about it. I like what Becky says, the bottom line being "It is what it is". I picture the results already there, sitting on someone's desk....let me see!! NOW!!!

You say you're depressed, and it sounds like you're really struggling to keep it all together at the moment. That's hard, I do feel for you. Sometimes I think it might even be a bit easier for the ones with the disease than the carers - we get most of the attention and concern, but you are suffering too and carrying a huge load. It must be lonely sometimes.
I think for me, tests are a time when everything can resurface, all the fears about now, and feelings about the traumatic time I've been through, because of the state of limbo I'm in just waiting to hear what the future might hold. It's like a vacuum which gets filled with all the stuff that's been put on hold while I get on with the treatments. Hard as they are sometimes, at least you feel like you're busy working at getting through them.

Distraction is the best thing in the world! If I can, when I get those fears going around and around in my head, I try to say "Stop!", put them in a little box, put the box down in the corner of my mind and tell it I'll be looking at it later. That way, I'm not denying them or running away from them, just saying I know you're there and I can't do anything right now to make you better. Hope that doesn't sound patronising; my situation is different to yours and your husband's, but I suppose fears are common to all of us, and it can help hearing how others deal with theirs.

I think for me, the main thing is to pass the time in the best way you can, watching funny movies being a great way to take a break from the grind of worrying.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and be there in spirit with you.

Last thoughts: you sound worn out. Can you do something nice for yourself, if you haven't done so recently, and maybe also ask people for a bit of extra help? Those casseroles have their uses!
The other thing is, and I really don't want to sound glib, about feeling like you're falling apart, maybe try to get back to getting through one day or one moment at a time? It sounds as if you're feeling overwhelmed with everything right now, and it might help to try not to look at the big picture but just how to get through today in a good way.

Take care

I, too, hate the waiting part...my mind manages to think of every bad scenario possible while I try to interject the positive because I know how important it is to stay focused on the positive. Just coming here and reading (and meeting for real) everyone's experiences gives me some respite from my fears...if only for the time I am on line! Hang in there...and love each other!