Some People... (Poem for my funeral) Want input :-)
 

Some People… by Julie B

(spoken with a pause after each phrase)

“Some People…
Never learn how to play an instrument
Some People…
Have never planted a garden
Some People…
Don’t participate in worth-wild activities
Some People...
Get mad over the smallest issues
Some People...
Don't treat others as they would like to be treated themselves
Some People…
Aren’t passionate about life
Some People…
Never get to see the ocean
Some People…
Aren't blessed with loving parents
Some People…
Have a hard time making friends
Some People…
Don’t graduate high school
Some People…
Can’t overcome their families mistakes
Some People…
Never get a higher education
Some People…
Never have children
Some People…
Can’t stay married
Some People…
Have never felt the love of a child
Some People…
Can’t find a soul mate
Some People…
Never find a real love for life
Some People…
Never find the meaning of happiness

Some People…

Are blessed with it all, in less than 30 years.”

Sweetie,
this is beautiful.

Here's my input: As an attendee, I would get a bit ansy because of the length of the repetition, but as I looked it over there are a number of these you could hook together. From my perspective, they would be just as meaningful.

big hug,
pattyz

I think it's very truthful, and I wanted to share a memory of a friend's funeral.

With the help of family and friends, she had put together a slide show of pictures from her life, from babyhood all the way to her final days. It was really neat, and was accompanied by music she chose. One could also have a poem such as yours be read during the presentation. I thought it was such a beautiful thing to do, very uplifting, and she also had pictures set out on a table as you entered the chapel.

<3 Lolly

A hard one to respond to given the subject matter, and facing death being one of the big ones.

Please forgive my honesty.

It is an impressive list, including many fundamental human values and needs. You are right it is an accomplishment. It is a lovely list, and an aspirational one, but and I am finding difficulty in how to put this -Are all of these things within the gift of "accomplishment" for all individuals. Are they not a mixture of blessings, and accomplishment.

Is the poem, celebration, validation, or admonishement/encouragement, or all three.

It is certainly thought very provoking, and a reminder of many of the things that are truly important, even if not always within our own gift.

It is a very brave post, and leaves me reflective with the feeling must try harder.

As for the rest words are simply too frail.

RB

If those are the words
 

that best express your feelings about what is important in life than that is the way it should be presented. To me most people would think that all those things would add meaning to their life. I am sure you do not mean it to fit everyone or to be an all-inclusive list.

I have not written anything for my funeral - only went so far as to pick out some music that is meaningful to me that I would want the words printed out so everyone could understand them. I got better so did not go further. Had other things needing my attention, such as getting my body stronger so I can fight longer!

I see the ones I can combine, I think... I missed that, thanks!

I think it's hard to read a poem like this without knowing the individual.

I probably should have mentioned, these are all of MY personal blessings and accomplishments.

For the one who said these were accomplishments, they are also blessings. Having children, being musically talented, making wonderful friends, meeting my soul mate and husband of 10 years, etc etc etc, all MY blessings.

Maybe I could figure out a way to tie a little bit of religious connotation in there. I certaintly wouldn't have been able to do all of it without His help.

I thought about l stopping the part about "Some People" after about 4 verses.

This was also something that was to be read during a slide show, where all of these things had pictures that went to them. I need to add stuff for the beginning of my life with my parents, family, etc.
LOVE the feedback! :-)

"Some People...Lack parents who love them
Can’t overcome their families mistakes
Never learn how to play an instrument
Haven't planted a garden
Get mad over the smallest issues
Don't treat others as they would like to be treated
Never get involved in anything
Aren’t passionate about life
Never get to see the ocean
Have a hard time making friends
Don’t graduate high school
Never get a higher education
Can’t stay married
Never have children
Have never felt the love of a child
Never find the meaning of happiness

Some People...
Are blessed with all of these, in less than 30 years"

This better? If I put all these pictures up during the slide show, along with some great music, I think they might figure out the punch line. But I think it would be ok still. As long as they don't think I am talking negatively about them. Like when I say I lack parents who love them, and have a picture of my parents, what will they think? Would it create a little too much frustration and shock? Maybe an introduction as to what it is?

I have a suggestion - I hope it's ok. :)

I see what you're trying to do and the idea is lovely. BUT - maybe to some the implication might be that you are lacking if you do not accomplish these things? Or maybe that's my bias, I don't know. A suggestion would be to maybe phrase it like this:

There is such joy in...
-seeing the ocean
-feeling the love of a child
-planting a garden
-completing one's education
...and so forth, ending with "...and I accomplished these things in X number of years and have felt so blessed" or something along those lines.
That way you are still validating (and sharing) your truly wonderful life accomplishments. :)

i think it sounds great. maybe don't start with your parents but build up to them by putting the music, garden, ocean etc first. then you can leave the most important ones till last so people have got the hang of it by then. i actually like it when you repeat 'some people'. there is no pleasing everyone!
Good luck
Christine

I wouldn't begin to edit someone's funeral poem. The messages, the emotions are all yours. This is your life and it will be your soul's passing. No one at your service will be critizing your writing. Rather, they'll all be missing their friend and family member.

Love and light,

Lisa

I too liked the some people between each line - it was more powerful and gave time for thought.

They are undoubtably accomplishments, just not everybody gets the chance, and all the inbetweens of human frailties.

It is a very very fine list, and one to be proud of.

Go with your instincts, and whatever feels right to you.

RB

Its a beautiful poem one that I am sure took you many hours if not days as well as many tears.

That it is your poem from your heart is all that matters.

Maryanne

Oh Lisa, you are absolutely right and I hope my response wasn't offensive. :( I wouldn't have replied the way I did if the original post had not asked for input. The sentiments expressed in the poem are beautiful, and it was clearly written with much pain and pride. Of course it is beautiful as it stands.


Julie

I've revised it back and fourth. I definetly wanted a varied input because I want the right effect on people. I was hoping to get some kind of "Yeah, some people never get that chance, Julie's right" and then the kicker to be that "I" did. I will probably tinker with it quite a bit more till I am finished and happy with it.

I also thought I might add the slide show at the end to be the list of things.

I love all the input. Thank you all!!!

Julirene,

I think it's great that some people get to "write" their own obituraries and write wonderful poems like you have. Write the poem, write the obituary,pick your clothes, THEN LIVE the rest of your life!! Don't forget to do that. We need to live every moment until we do leave this life for the next.

I pray that you will have alot more time then you think

Julierene,
a thought: I also have cards made up with a special selection of 'poems'. Perhaps you could do something like that with your "success list"? In addition to your current plans, ofcourse. In my mind, it gives people something to take away in rememberance.

I've reworked my own obituary a number of times, mainly the dates and my age!! over the course of the past three yrs...... hope you will have years to work on your plans as well!

hugs,
pattyz

Your poem is beautiful and sounds like it was written from your heart. I've been planning a video which includes a slide show with pictures of loved ones to tear jerking songs such as "Time in a Bottle" and "The Dance". I'd also like to add some Christian Music to get my friends and family to reflect on the future of their own souls. At the end of my video I would add humor with polkas and banjo music as to not leave everyone in a morbid mood. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me after I die as I know I will be in a better place. I wouldn't mind going there now, but I know I'm needed here by some people and I don't want to leave them yet. Like one of the others said, "Write your poem and plan your funeral and most of all Live your Life today, it is all you have." Many Blessings to you. Lu Ann

Your opinion is the only one that really matters. After all, this is YOUR poem, your life and your funeral. For the record, I think its great just as your presented it in the beginning of this thread. BERTA

I agree somewhat with Lisa BUT you did ask for feed-back.

Mine is simple:
1. in terms of content, is that what you really mean to say?
2. in terms of structure, are you communicating what you mean to say clearly enough
3. in terms of style, who is your audience and does the style communicate the message clearly enough, (ie, if the main audience was your young children, would they understand this?),
4. is the structure and style representative of you?

I think this is a very beautiful poem which is clearly autobiographical and I love the style. For most, these questions will be rhetorical, but not for all. Younger kids may need reinforcment that this is autobiographical.

What if you add 'I have" or "I have been" or "I have seen", or "I tried" or ...............every 1st, 2nd or 3rd verse???

I feel very uncomfortable reading a funeral poem as I can help but wonder if you have given-up or are you just one of these people (like my wife) who is already buying next year's christmas gifts. I pray it is the latter.

Take care,
Al

I have to agree with Lisa -
 

These are your words and you must write them the way that you feel them.
Everyone that knows and loves you will understand there meaning.

God bless you -