You know your good wishes and support are so very much appreciated, right? Thank you all, from my heart.

My onc and I have discussed every possible brain mets tx out there. I do not want to participate in any trial where I would not be assured of recieving the trial drug. Nor do I feel up to dealing with going anywhere to do so. And finally, I don't know how much help I would get through my Medicare, anyway.

Since these chemos (Temodar/Xeloda) I am on have already shown SOME response when done as a mono therapy and as a combination, I feel safe in trying them together. I am not interested in any of the choices which would be harder to handle physically.

I have been successful at avoiding WBR for these 3 yrs and tho' I used to think I would keep it aside as a last ditch effort, at this point I have decided never to do it, if offered.

With the five focalized rad sessions I've had treating 16 tumors through the yrs of brain mets, this is what I understand: with each session radiation does pass through good parts of the brain on the way to the tumor, even though in a small dose. Those small doses are cumulitive and can not be 'gone through' again and again with subsequent rad sessions without doing damage to good brain matter.

So, no, today I do not know for SURE if this prohibits the possibility for me to have another CyberKnife done. It is just a fear I have based on what was told to me the last time. Hopefully, after Thursday I will know one way or another...or very soon thereafter.

I did not mean to be so cyrptic as to imply I would just not post anymore... what I should have said was: If you don't see posts for a while, then I've died. Unless I say in advance I will be gone for some months over winter or something like that.

Over the years I have learned this: Each one of us, when faced with our choices for dealing with our disease (or LIFE), do exactly what we NEED to do at the time. So, bravery, inspiration, herosim or whatnot don't really come into play. Only when we DON'T HAVE TO do something, but choose to act, do those terms have any real meaning.

Thank you each and everyone for your warm wishes, love and support. I'm like a bad penny that keeps turning up, you know?? :o)
love and hugs,
xoxoxpattyz

Patty,

I understood what you meant about the possible lack of posts. And I just didn't want you to think that way. But it sounds like, as usual, your head is on straight.

I know you've always been opposed to WBR, but since I had no choice with so many mets, I of course had it last summer. The only lasting side effects (that I'm aware of) are hair loss and a major chemo (rad) brain. Lose words in mid thought.

We'll look forward to hearing from you at the end of the week.

Love and light,

Lisa

Big hug, RIGHT NOW!!! :O)

Lisa, I've had so much radiation now, plus age and chemos, that my memory is truely shot. I no longer remember what happened in the a.m by mid afternoon, not to mention the verbal/mental probs.... this without the indignity of hair sprouts, tho'.

xoxoxpatty

Pattyz, You are an inspiration, and I will be looking for a post from you after Thursday. I am going to print and save on my bulletin board what you said in "over the years I have learned this". I'm sure there are many others who will be praying for you. Remember the positive mantra I did with my PET scan (NO! MORE! EVIDENCE! of DISEASE!) and say it to yourself as often as you can. I know positive imaging makes a difference. You sound like such a strong, level-headed person, and maybe the positive imaging sounds trite, but give it a try. Hugs and a prayer for God's blessings for you, Tricia