9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Today marks 8 YEARS since I had the gamma knife to a single brain met, 2/8/08 also my mom's birthday. CUCK FANCER. March will be 9 YEARS living with metastatic breast cancer, not in remission and on continual treatment. CUCK FANCER. April will be 20 YEARS since being diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. CUCK FANCER.

Today is also what would have been my mom's 78th birthday. She never had cancer, never lived to know I had cancer. She died suddenly at age 57. I'd like to dedicate this post to her:



When I think of my mom I am always gripped with overwhelming feelings of love along with overwhelming feelings of disbelief that she is gone. It's hard to articulate the "missing my mom" emotion - just that it has lived permanently at my core, deep inside of me for 21 years.

At some point in life you will lose every person you love, or they will lose you. Yet that knowledge does nothing to mitigate the feelings of loss.

I like to remember all the good times, and imagine that if she popped back by, she would be proud and satisfied.

Sometimes an old song comes on and I can instantly see her sitting at the piano, my dad leaning over her right shoulder, singing along and my sister and I gathered on her left. Happiest of times, those auditory memories are so deeply embedded!

I easily find the love of my mom in all the best parts of me. And even 21 years later, she continues to inspire me almost on a daily basis.

I am her eyes, her ears, witness to everything she's missed. When I dance, she dances too.

My suffering is eased by lessons she taught me. My strength fortified by her fighting spirit, paralyzed and in an iron lung for a year at age 12, she fought polio during the height of the epidemic and she won! My ability to fight is strengthened by her lessons on survival. She was a loving woman of great grace and spirit.

Thinking of her especially today, on her birthday.

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Congratulations!

And what a beautiful tribute!

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Beautiful! Thank you for posting this.

Carol Ann

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

A beautiful warrior paying homage to her divine Mother. Is there anything so perfectly soulful on this Earth?

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

A lovely tribute, Flori

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Beautiful tribute - my mom is my everything, I don't know what I would do without her. I'm going to give her a hug now :)

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Thank you for this...and congrats for your survival!!!

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Flori,

Thank you for the beautiful post! I know the past many years have been difficult for you. I can only say that my world has been blessed by "knowing" you, so I am thankful you braved the fight.

I lost my mother this past March. I talk to her in my head, and sometimes out loud, daily. Both my parents are missed and while I do not want to leave my family here on earth, I do look forward to the time when we are reunited in the hereafter. My mother was my champion, my private cheerleader. Who does not miss that kind of love, the "always in my corner" love?

I have wondered when my feeling of loss might ease. I now know due to your post that it is forever lingering in the recesses of our hearts. Maybe that is best? I would not want to stop having my daily "head chats" with her.

Thanks, Flori, for your wisdom. I am comforted by it.

Your friend and fellow sojourner on this odd journey called life,
Laurel

Re: 9 Yrs stage4 a lot on my mind...
 

Beautiful words and so very well said from the heart, i can so relate as miss my Mum every day too, we are indeed our Mothers daughters and survivors. xx