Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Yes, I said it the life altering drugs are not making me a happy camper! I go for my herceptin/projecta today, and never look forward to the 3 hour round trip.

This is number 5, and I know I am A newbie to treatment for life......today, I am mad, I want to cry, I want to quit.....today this being my life isn't wanted. This to shall pass as my Grandma would say. I think I was riding on the shock of it all and now it's reality. It's hard for me to except no end game besides it doesn't make sense anymore.....meaning treatment is done and die.

I know people can live for years on treatment, and I just don't know how you continue to get through.

So I am sitting here drinking my coffee thinking and crying about my 12:30 appt today and rather be anywhere else.

On a positive note the visible lump has swollen.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

How would you be feeling if there was no treatment available? None of us here wanted or likely even imagined having cancer. Some of the treatments can be pretty brutal. However, there are really effective treatments available! Without sounding uncaring or unsympathetic, I think it would help to focus on the positives. I say this because for me, it really helps.

Perhaps you could download some really good tunes to listen to during your 3 hr ordeals. Music has a way of picking up my spirits. Perhaps it could do the same for you? Use the treatment time to reflect on all of the things you have in your life to be grateful for. Think of how lucky you are that your body is responding so well to the treatment.....so many things to be happy for.

With all the advances in our disease, it isn't a given that you will need treatments forever. There are many stage IV HER2 sisters on this site that no longer have treatment and are doing well.

Hang in there and yes, it is ok to cuss

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Today I am not positive. And it's okay if I am not too. This board is where I vent bad, good and indifferent. Round 5 after reoccurance, and I don't know I just feel blah, mad or ehhh.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Btw just saying what my doctor said.....treatment for life...no end game like before that's the difference this time.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Linn. ((Hugs)). You are allowed to feel down but you are more than worth it. I hope today goes quickly and the SE are non existent.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Linn, I remember feeling just as you do now. I have been stage 4 for 12 years and on continuous tx. It has become normalcy for me and I truly am thankful for the time I've received with relatively good quality of life. I continue with Herceptin and Perjeta and find them not difficult, much more favorable than the consequences of cancer. Good luck to you!
Kathy T.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Really? You did? It's like I have been in a funk for 2 days and treatment is today. I want to live , and I am thankful for the meds. How long until gained acceptance?

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

linn,

I'm sorry that you are feeling down. My post wasn't intended to imply that it isn't ok to feel down. I was just offering up some suggestions that help pick me up when I'm feeling that way.

Best of luck to you today

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Waaaah, Waaaah, Waaaah!

What a drama queen! I knew there was a reason I like you - we are so much alike, lol.

You are doing Herceptin and Perjeta, honestly - could there be any easier treatment than that? And your node is shrinking! You will likely get to NED shortly and remain there.

Are you doing infusions weekly or every 3 weeks?

What are you doing for the estrogen? We need to start digging up the research on this, and check for possible future clinical trials - that you might not even ever need.

Honestly, you are on permanent vacation, you have one node that is shrinking, and the only thing you have to do is a 3 hour round trip?

Geez, I used to make 3-4 day trips to San Antonio for treatment and schedule around work.

I wish you would have gotten a 2nd opinion, or even 3 opinions. Was cancer detected anywhere else in your body besides the 1 supraclavicle node?

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Linn,
I have been stage 4 for almost 4 1/2 years and I haven't accepted that this is what my life is going to be like from now on. I don't even do doses every 3 weeks anymore and I still whine and complain to my dh whenever we are getting ready to go to treatment.

And just to clarify, there are not MANY stage 4 women on this site who are Ned and not on treatment . There are 2, maybe 3 at the most. It is very, very rare ( probably 2-3 % chance of it happening)

Laurie

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

ilzabeth.....I got your drama queen! Ms. Passive/aggressive !! ��

I am still trying to totally wrap my head around NED vs. stable. But I keep asking and the answer is....it's like you have a chronic Illinois like diabetes and it needs to be treated just like it. It was seen in 4 places total based on catscan. I am taking armidex for the estrogen the tamoxifen did nothing for it.

I have now turned into a complete whiner, complainer, uhm oh and high maintenance drama queen!!

Oh and yes every 3 weeks....it's longer to drive here vs 1 hour to get it. If I could accesss my port, , mix the meds I could do it from home.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Well it is about time you came clean and tell us about the scans. The last information was about regional recurrence.

Where else is your cancer besides the 1 supraclavicular node? Is is still regional? Or do you have metastasis in distant organs?

Still expecting NED as you haven't had a combination of Herceptin, Perjeta and Arimidex before. I am very happy about the Perjeta and the Arimidex.

Are these treatments really that bad? Sounds like something you can manage with a little humor thrown in. Yes - and I have my own Passive Aggressive dramas, just blew my stack over the new coupon police that I have to deal with for the Christmas holiday. Seems like my new coworker had to go running to the #2 manager in the store to let her know I was walking around the store with 25% coupons along with the 30% flyer for fine jewelry. Two days later my technique of encouraging new accounts was posted on the board for all to follow, LMAO. Seriously, I need to not take things so seriously, lol. Honestly if the customer checks out at another register or 2 they will find out the coupon exists and I've had enough come back to be rerung. Shopping with coupons is an artform!

Lauriesh, thanks for setting us straight on the Stage IV continued treatment information. I also thought the NED, off treatment number was higher with board members.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Anyway, you Passive Aggressive friend here is really happy that you've started posting again.

We missed you, honest, lol!

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Coupon police you got a love them and you know the old saying you can't beat them join them. But hey I'm very proud of you working another Christmas season. Or you are glutton for punishment!!

Laurish is my new BFF and I would like to start a whiner and complainer club. Forget humor, trials, vaccines we need a whiner complainer club!!! Lol

As far as side effects; couple bloody noses, vomited a couple times, a little bit of itchy, watery itchy eyes, and runny nose without the stuffy, the usual fatigue and and let's not forget my hand and feet hurting on and off other than that this treatment is just so fabulous! And I wish I could just go weekly instead of every three weeks after all I miss the recliners......��

She said I have three other areas in the axila nodes.....so that reoccurance quickly with the same phenotype, leaving the ducts I think she said, and all the previous treatment that means stage IV.....Ned or stable the treatment keeps it that way unless the puppy jumps out of the gate I believe the words Lani used at one time or I guess the puppy did. Well, now we want to keep the puppy a puppy and not a full grown Dog.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

So glad to "see" you! You are allowed to vent, bitch whatever.

Anyway, I get the other areas in the nodes, but were there any other areas in your body that showed up as cancer on the scans? I know I'm echoing 'lizbeth but am curious as well.

Anyway, we all missed you. Welcome back to the safe space.

Janis

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

I know, I know, she is NOT stage IV. Only Stage IIIC.

This time it seems like the tumors ARE responding to treatment, unlike your initial.

Fascinating. What if you get a pCR? Lifetime maintenance, very likely, but also encouraging.

What? You not complain? We could not deprive you of that!

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

You are entitled to curse, vent, cry, laugh...most importantly...SHARE!!! Why??? Because you are ALIVE!!!!!!!

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Hello Linn,
You're early into the Herceptin treatment, it does get easier and you will feel better but bitch and complain if that helps you. We all have to find our own way to get through this and carry on. Cancer is a bitch. Try audio books, I found it soothing to listen to a good book and often reading or watching a movie was too hard. Also it's a good way to take you away from the present situation. If you aren't taking Amidex at night, try taking it at night to lessen any side effects. For itching, I found calamine lotion the best solution although it's messy.
10 years ago, I thought I'd received a death notice and would be dead within months so I'm one of the happiest people because I'm still here! You'll get there too, hope it's sooner than later. Have some chocolate and a glass of red wine. I find those 2 things always make me feel better. I also hope you have supportive friends and a furry animal - my dogs have helped me through a lot. I often think of Brenda's line "but doctor I hate pink!" Don't we all!
hugs and love
sarah

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Bitching is such a relief sometimes, and you certainly have right and reason to do it. For me it was a short five months, but even that wore me down, so the thought of "no end in sight" can only be overwhelming.

I suppose there are as many ways to cope as there are people. My way is to put one foot in front of the other and keep going, but I'd be a liar if I didn't admit to dragging them at times. Okay, more often than not.

I have found that anger is as good an impetus to movement as any--perhaps even better than most. Just try to temper your fury to a level that is motivating rather than incapacitating.

And remember that you can always come here to whine and complain and bitch and moan, and there will be someone to listen.

Re: Is it okay to cuss on here?? Cuz this is a Bitch
 

Linn,

Cuss away! F*ck is my favorite word!!!!

Hugs to you, dear!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox