Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Yanyan's husband Andy just let me know -- she passed last Wednesday. I am heartsick. She was only 40 years old. With a daughter. A sweet lady, bright and caring. Her Spirit was strong during the ordeal she had to endure through all these years. I know she is now at peace. In heaven.

Her last post was celebrating her 5th cancerversary. I feel my throat closing up. My heart broken. Truly this is just so devastating. Yet how kind of her husband to respond to my email to Yanyan. I was so worried about her. I knew she went to China for immunotherapy. That she was back in California and had severe shortness of breath. That she was in the hospital and didn't know if she should accept that her journey had ended. She understood the gravity of her situation. The drains were helping.

I know she and Karen spoke as they each were looking at immunotherapy and had difficulty catching breath. Pleural effusions can be deadly. I had such a thing and didn't even realize how close to death I was until recently. It was caught early with me and I was taken off of Taxotere. I couldn't take any more.

For Yanyan the drains did not really help. The tumor burden in her lungs was too great to bear was my understanding of what her docs told her.

I thought you would all want to know, of course.

I don't want to ever have to post about the loss of another Sister, or Brother.
Just tragic.

I pray for Joe Biden rallying the troops for serious research into cancer. He is out there gunning for cancer right now.

Sending my love,
Andi
__________________

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

O.M.G. Thank you Andrea for posting this. I'm stunned. Terrible.

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Andi I'm seeing a January date on this so not sure how we all missed it until now but thanks for telling us, such very sad news and I know Yanyan had found things very tough these past months. So sorry to lose her but thankful she's now at peace, may she RIP.

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Both and I and someone else posted about yanyan.

She died not long after Karen (KDR). Her lungs were also filling with fluid and she was having difficulty breathing. Her dad urged her to try immunotherapy in China. She traveled there and did it. Returned and was soon hospitalized in Cali. The cancer had spread.

She considered options and decided it was all so overwhelming she made the difficult choice not to proceed. For herself and for her family. I was broken hearted when she told me.

A few wks later I emailed her to check on her. Then 5 days later, I emailed her again. Her lovely husband had the thoughtfulness to have noted my emails and let me know of her passing. Truly a special person, as one would expect. Yanyan was a very special woman. I grew attached to her. Her loss is stunning and deeply felt.

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

I, too, had missed this. So very sad. Thanks, Andi

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Cancer just sucks.

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Damn not fair, feeling more defeated every time we lose another....

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Yanyan passed just a few wks after Karen (KDR).

I grieve with every one of you. I've been in touch w/Karen for 5 yrs often. Email, FB and PM, phone. She felt like a close friend though we never met.

As a 20 yr survivor I have to say share this with you. I once showed up at the chemo room (during my 10 yrs of Herceptin) where I was a regular and knew the nurses like dear friends and most of the patients who slowly disappeared and I'd ask and ...

The nurses knew to seat the newbies or the especially distressed patients next to me. They knew my cheery disposition and my unquenchable need to inspire and lift others up. This one day, the social worker who I didn't really see often or talk with, cause I was blessedly not in need of her help, she looked at me and brought a chair up next to me to talk.

What's going on?? What do you mean. She saw my face and apparently I wasn't my usual self. I searched for the reason I was feeling down. I suddenly realized all the many Sisters I'd lost in the last year, and of course all the other years before that, on Long Island and in Florida. I was the one who brought fresh bagels and cream cheese every time my husband Paul and I came. And for 2 yrs I was a weekly Herceptin person, before the ev 3 wk regimen came into being, Every single week we stopped first and bought the goodies to bring.

So that day I fully realized how sad I was feeling. Not aware a single detection of it was showing, but the social worker was trained and keen and she saw it. She suggested that when I go home I write down the names of those I'd lost and then take my finger and run it across their name and close my eyes and say a prayer for each and every one.

Seemed simple enough. Yet not enough. But was I wrong. I wrote each name. And then thought of another. And another. And another. And I looked at the paper (and 8 x 11 sheet I'd chosen) and I had dozens and dozens that I remembered, had taken into my heart, and lost.

I began running my finger across the first name, closed my eyes and said a prayer for them. Then chatted with them. Told them how I missed them, would never forget them, knew they were at peace finally with no pain, only joy. And that I also KNEW that we would meet again, on the other side. Cause I know death is not the end of our story. And I KNOW they each still are. They still exist.

After a half hour or 45 minutes and some tears and aching in my soul I finished and I miraculously felt a bit better. I'd unburdened my heart a bit and got to talk to each again.

Please don't feel defeated Ladies. Please move forward with resolve and tenacity. Turn the pain and the sadness into strength and greater determination. Use the power of your thoughts. What you focus on all day will become your reality. So let go of all fear and worry and concentrate on seeing yourself far far into the future. Do that every single day.

I began on Day 1 of being dx telling myself I AM HEALTHY AND WELL. NO MORE CANCER. I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. It was my goal. I needed to make my Intention and my Expectation vividly clear. I WAS TALKING TO MY BODY.

It's your body's job to do as you request. It takes it's cues from your thoughts, your words, your mental images, everything you whisper. It has no sense of humor. So don't say This is killing me. Say I AM STRONG, BRAVE AND DETERMINED. I expect to live for a long long time. To see my little one graduate, be Bar or Bat Mitzvah, whatever your dream is. A joyous occasion you do NOT want to miss. A place you are INTENT on being present for!!

You now our Sisters who've moved on would want us to do that. Do it for them, in honor of their radiant Spirits and for Yourself. You deserve that.

Use the power of your thoughts to bring your desired outcome to you. Make it manifest in your life. Not what you fear most, or worry about a lot. But think of what you want. Plant that seed. And see it through to fruition.

With love,
Andi

Please check out my years of posts and threads. Go to SEARCH and type in ANDREA BARNETT BUDIN. It's my hope my words will lift you up and feel you enveloped in Love and Empowerment...

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

At the end Yanyan did an infusion of Opdivo (which she and her husband had to pay for). Her oncologist also put her on Doxirubican, she died during her first cycle. She left her young daughter behind, who she loved and spoke of very fondly. Her husband was an amazing support. I miss her.

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

Andi - Thank you for your story and your inspiring words! I have been trying to think positive and move forward - just need to be reminded to do this when I see the losses of our fellow Her2 sisters. I'm five years out and still struggle with Cancer's tight grip in my mind at times - it's probably a tougher battle for me than the physical part. Staying positive is hard but I can never let cancer defeat me!

Re: Our sister yanyan is no longer on this earth
 

oh, i am so sorry to read this. another angel... so sad,