Fed-Up!
 

Does anyone else ever get fed-up! I know I don’t really have a right to complain, because I have to pretty good compared to some people, but I have to admit, I’m starting to get fed-up with treatment. I’m lucky enough not to be sick, tired, or weak, but I do still have to deal with neuropathy, bowel issues, shortness of breath, dry, bloody nose, weight gain, acne, and now lymphedema and hemorrhoids! I just feel like it’s never going to end! I mentioned this to my doctor when I saw her on Tuesday, and she told me to be patient and that it will eventually end, but I’m really getting tired of it. I really hope that I can get a chemo break over the holidays, so that I can enjoy the holidays without having to deal with chemo- side-effects!

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12/15 – First mammogram
01/16 – Second mammogram and ultrasound.
01/16 – Meet surgeon and go for third mammogram, second ultrasound and biopsy. Surgeon confirms cancer in left breast and lymph nodes and sets surgery date.
01/16 – Chest scan and bone scan done– all looks good.
02/16 – Surgery - left breast mastectomy and 16 lymph nodes removed (8 had cancer).
02/16 – CT scan done – small nodules on lung but Doctor advises it’s normal. They will continue to monitor just in case.
03/16 – Meet radiation oncologist and find out results of Pathology Report. I’m told that I have locally advanced breast cancer, based on the size of my tumour (7 cm!) and the fact that they found cancer cells in eight lymph nodes. I’m also told that I’m HER 2 positive, and that my cancer is stage 3, grade 2.
03/16 – Meet oncologist and am told that my cancer is actually grade 3, and that I should have done chemo before surgery. Too late now!
03/16 – Start first of six doses of chemo (Carboplatin and Docetaxal) and Herceptin (for one year).
04/16 – Have port put in.
04/16 – Get second dose of chemo, but Docetaxal is left out due to liver enzymes being high. I was unable to get a full dose of Docetaxal after my first treatment.
06/16 – Finished chemo! One month off and then I start radiation.
06/16 – Start Tamoxifen.
07/16 – First radiation treatment – 24 more to go!
08/16 – Went for Genetic Testing to see if I have the BRCA gene. Tested negative for BRCA I and II
08/16 – Radiation oncologist biopsies “scar tissue” on my scar.
08/16 – I am told that I have a “local recurrence” and need to have rush surgery.
09/16 – Meet surgeon who advises that I need to meet with a plastic surgeon, as they will need to do a skin graft to close me up after surgery.
09/16 – Go for rush ultrasound, bone scan, breast MRI and CT scan.
09/16 – Meet plastic surgeon and all looks good. A surgery date is set for October 4.
09/16 – Meet oncologist who advises that the ultrasound and bone scan results look good, and that MRI shows three small masses at surgery site, but lymph nodes are clear. Still awaiting the results of the CT scan, but we are positive it will look good.
09/16 – Get a call from my oncologist, who advises that CT scan shows small spots on my lungs, and a large lymph node in the middle of my chest. This means the cancer has spread! She looks into getting me funded for TDM1 and cancels my surgery.
10/16 – Meet oncologist, who advises that I have to take Perjeta before I can take TDM1. I start Perjeta/Herceptin every three weeks for an indefinite amount of time, and Taxol, which I will take two weeks in a row with one week off and then two weeks in a row for 8-16 treatments.
10/16 – Stop Tamoxifen.
10/16 – Meet surgeon, who reviews my CT scan and advises that the spots on my lungs may not be cancer, and that he doesn’t see a lymph node in my chest. He thinks it’s a spot on my lung. I’m feeling very confused! He advises that my oncologist doesn’t want me to have surgery to remove the three small masses on my scar line, as she wants to use them as a way to determine if the treatment is working. He advises that if they have not shrunk in 6 months, he will revisit surgery.
10/16 – CEA blood test to determine Tumour markers. Results were normal (2.7). My doctor advises that this could mean two things: (1) that the treatment is working, and the tumours are shrinking, or (2), that I'm one of those people who never get elevated CEA levels. Given that some people never get an elevated CEA level, this test doesn’t seem very accurate to me! Asked for PET scan, but am told I don’t qualify.
10/16 – Brain MRI – NED!
11/16 - CA-15-30 blood test – Tumour markers are normal at 19.
11/16 – Second CEA blood test – Tumours markers are still normal at 1.6
11/16 – Second CA-15-30 bloot test – Tumour markers are still normal at 19
11/16 – Develop lymphedema and have to wear a sleeve
12/16 – CT Scan scheduled for December 14. I can’t wait to find out if the Perjeta is working!

Re: Fed-Up!
 

I would think most everyone enduring chemo and its lovely side effects gets fed-up every now and again. I certainly did. Stay focused on the end goal. Keep on top of the side effects as best you can (dont wait too long for constipation to become unbearable or whatever before taking something to alleviate the problem). You are stronger than you realize. Keep fighting, stay strong and know everyone on this site is here to help or listen as you vent!

Re: Fed-Up!
 

Thanks Donna. My neuropathy is much better this treatment, which is really helping with my attitude. I don’t know if it’s because my doctor gave me a lower dosage of chemo, or meds for the neuropathy, but I don’t care. I’m just happy that the neuropathy is not shooting up my leg this time around! I think it was being told that I have hemorrhoids that put me over the edge. I have never had hemorrhoids in my life, and didn’t even know that they were a side-effect of chemo. I’m trying to work and live life like normal, but it’s hard to do that when you have to do all of these things to deal with the side-effects, (like a sitbath for 15 mins a day) that take up so much of your time. I guess if it works, it’s worth it!

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12/15 – First mammogram
01/16 – Second mammogram and ultrasound.
01/16 – Meet surgeon and go for third mammogram, second ultrasound and biopsy. Surgeon confirms cancer in left breast and lymph nodes and sets surgery date.
01/16 – Chest scan and bone scan done– all looks good.
02/16 – Surgery - left breast mastectomy and 16 lymph nodes removed (8 had cancer).
02/16 – CT scan done – small nodules on lung but Doctor advises it’s normal. They will continue to monitor just in case.
03/16 – Meet radiation oncologist and find out results of Pathology Report. I’m told that I have locally advanced breast cancer, based on the size of my tumour (7 cm!) and the fact that they found cancer cells in eight lymph nodes. I’m also told that I’m HER 2 positive, and that my cancer is stage 3, grade 2.
03/16 – Meet oncologist and am told that my cancer is actually grade 3, and that I should have done chemo before surgery. Too late now!
03/16 – Start first of six doses of chemo (Carboplatin and Docetaxal) and Herceptin (for one year).
04/16 – Have port put in.
04/16 – Get second dose of chemo, but Docetaxal is left out due to liver enzymes being high. I was unable to get a full dose of Docetaxal after my first treatment.
06/16 – Finished chemo! One month off and then I start radiation.
06/16 – Start Tamoxifen.
07/16 – First radiation treatment – 24 more to go!
08/16 – Went for Genetic Testing to see if I have the BRCA gene. Tested negative for BRCA I and II
08/16 – Radiation oncologist biopsies “scar tissue” on my scar.
08/16 – I am told that I have a “local recurrence” and need to have rush surgery.
09/16 – Meet surgeon who advises that I need to meet with a plastic surgeon, as they will need to do a skin graft to close me up after surgery.
09/16 – Go for rush ultrasound, bone scan, breast MRI and CT scan.
09/16 – Meet plastic surgeon and all looks good. A surgery date is set for October 4.
09/16 – Meet oncologist who advises that the ultrasound and bone scan results look good, and that MRI shows three small masses at surgery site, but lymph nodes are clear. Still awaiting the results of the CT scan, but we are positive it will look good.
09/16 – Get a call from my oncologist, who advises that CT scan shows small spots on my lungs, and a large lymph node in the middle of my chest. This means the cancer has spread! She looks into getting me funded for TDM1 and cancels my surgery.
10/16 – Meet oncologist, who advises that I have to take Perjeta before I can take TDM1. I start Perjeta/Herceptin every three weeks for an indefinite amount of time, and Taxol, which I will take two weeks in a row with one week off and then two weeks in a row for 8-16 treatments.
10/16 – Stop Tamoxifen.
10/16 – Meet surgeon, who reviews my CT scan and advises that the spots on my lungs may not be cancer, and that he doesn’t see a lymph node in my chest. He thinks it’s a spot on my lung. I’m feeling very confused! He advises that my oncologist doesn’t want me to have surgery to remove the three small masses on my scar line, as she wants to use them as a way to determine if the treatment is working. He advises that if they have not shrunk in 6 months, he will revisit surgery.
10/16 – CEA blood test to determine Tumour markers. Results were normal (2.7). My doctor advises that this could mean two things: (1) that the treatment is working, and the tumours are shrinking, or (2), that I'm one of those people who never get elevated CEA levels. Given that some people never get an elevated CEA level, this test doesn’t seem very accurate to me! Asked for PET scan, but am told I don’t qualify.
10/16 – Brain MRI – NED!
11/16 - CA-15-30 blood test – Tumour markers are normal at 19.
11/16 – Second CEA blood test – Tumours markers are still normal at 1.6
11/16 – Second CA-15-30 bloot test – Tumour markers are still normal at 19
11/16 – Develop lymphedema and have to wear a sleeve
12/16 – CT Scan scheduled for December 14. I can’t wait to find out if the Perjeta is working!

Re: Fed-Up!
 

Even though I felt like crap, I did get out and try to do things I enjoyed, even if it was a drive somewhere pretty. I did jigsaw puzzles to keep my mind off how poor I felt. Anything that made me happy I allowed myself that luxury. I had friends paint my toe nails.

My doctor prescribed Diazepam (valium) because of the stress of all the treatments. In fact, he brought it up and suggested it. I also was placed on Lexapro for anxiety/depression. I live in CA and my last two cycles I did smoke weed but that's a personal choice for everyone. It gave me an appetite and relaxed me.

But with all the various Dr. visits and treatments, it gets old really quick. Just know that when it's over, you'll feel like you can conquer anything! Hugs and well wishes!

-Julie

Re: Fed-Up!
 

Fed up? Why yes, a good deal of the time. This is not the life I envisioned, not remotely. It is however, the life I have and I love living so I must adapt to find love and joy in this circumstance. I revel the small victories and try to avoid the dark places my mind wanders to when left to its own devices. I spend my time doing things I enjoy and learning about things that interest me (and some things that don't). An occupied mind cannot wander destructively.

Light a candle in that sitz bath and work on a puzzle (I love Sudoku, Jumbles and Crossword), read a book or play Words with Friends (with me) on your Smart Phone. Enjoy that 15 minutes that you get all to yourself to take care of you. Otherwise, you'll sit and grumble about how unfair it all is and work yourself into the dark place. That's the danger of me trying to meditate, it never goes well and I usually feel worse rather than better.

Right now, I am thinking about PUPPIES, fat fuzzy Rottweiler puppies!

Re: Fed-Up!
 

I have to admit, I’m feeling much better during this treatment cycle, due to the fact that my chemo side-effects are not that bad. My doctor only gave me 75% of Taxol last week, and I’m hoping to get 75% again tomorrow. It has really made a difference with my neuropathy, shortness of breath and bowel issues. I still have these side-effects, but they are not as bad as they were after my last treatment. I think a break at Christmas will also help to boost my spirits, and get me ready for chemo again in the new year. Sometimes, you just need a break to rebuild your spirits, and then you can start over again.

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬ ¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬
12/15 – First mammogram
01/16 – Second mammogram and ultrasound.
01/16 – Meet surgeon and go for third mammogram, second ultrasound and biopsy. Surgeon confirms cancer in left breast and lymph nodes and sets surgery date.
01/16 – Chest scan and bone scan done– all looks good.
02/16 – Surgery - left breast mastectomy and 16 lymph nodes removed (8 had cancer).
02/16 – CT scan done – small nodules on lung but Doctor advises it’s normal. They will continue to monitor just in case.
03/16 – Meet radiation oncologist and find out results of Pathology Report. I’m told that I have locally advanced breast cancer, based on the size of my tumour (7 cm!) and the fact that they found cancer cells in eight lymph nodes. I’m also told that I’m HER 2 positive, and that my cancer is stage 3, grade 2.
03/16 – Meet oncologist and am told that my cancer is actually grade 3, and that I should have done chemo before surgery. Too late now!
03/16 – Start first of six doses of chemo (Carboplatin and Docetaxal) and Herceptin (for one year).
04/16 – Have port put in.
04/16 – Get second dose of chemo, but Docetaxal is left out due to liver enzymes being high. I was unable to get a full dose of Docetaxal after my first treatment.
06/16 – Finished chemo! One month off and then I start radiation.
06/16 – Start Tamoxifen.
07/16 – First radiation treatment – 24 more to go!
08/16 – Went for Genetic Testing to see if I have the BRCA gene. Tested negative for BRCA I and II
08/16 – Radiation oncologist biopsies “scar tissue” on my scar.
08/16 – I am told that I have a “local recurrence” and need to have rush surgery.
09/16 – Meet surgeon who advises that I need to meet with a plastic surgeon, as they will need to do a skin graft to close me up after surgery.
09/16 – Go for rush ultrasound, bone scan, breast MRI and CT scan.
09/16 – Meet plastic surgeon and all looks good. A surgery date is set for October 4.
09/16 – Meet oncologist who advises that the ultrasound and bone scan results look good, and that MRI shows three small masses at surgery site, but lymph nodes are clear. Still awaiting the results of the CT scan, but we are positive it will look good.
09/16 – Get a call from my oncologist, who advises that CT scan shows small spots on my lungs, and a large lymph node in the middle of my chest. This means the cancer has spread! She looks into getting me funded for TDM1 and cancels my surgery.
10/16 – Meet oncologist, who advises that I have to take Perjeta before I can take TDM1. I start Perjeta/Herceptin every three weeks for an indefinite amount of time, and Taxol, which I will take two weeks in a row with one week off and then two weeks in a row for 8-16 treatments.
10/16 – Stop Tamoxifen.
10/16 – Meet surgeon, who reviews my CT scan and advises that the spots on my lungs may not be cancer, and that he doesn’t see a lymph node in my chest. He thinks it’s a spot on my lung. I’m feeling very confused! He advises that my oncologist doesn’t want me to have surgery to remove the three small masses on my scar line, as she wants to use them as a way to determine if the treatment is working. He advises that if they have not shrunk in 6 months, he will revisit surgery.
10/16 – CEA blood test to determine Tumour markers. Results were normal (2.7). My doctor advises that this could mean two things: (1) that the treatment is working, and the tumours are shrinking, or (2), that I'm one of those people who never get elevated CEA levels. Given that some people never get an elevated CEA level, this test doesn’t seem very accurate to me! Asked for PET scan, but am told I don’t qualify.
10/16 – Brain MRI – NED!
11/16 - CA-15-30 blood test – Tumour markers are normal at 19.
11/16 – Second CEA blood test – Tumours markers are still normal at 1.6
11/16 – Second CA-15-30 bloot test – Tumour markers are still normal at 19
11/16 – Develop lymphedema and have to wear a sleeve
12/16 – CT Scan scheduled for December 14. I can’t wait to find out if the Perjeta is working!