Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Friends,
I feel like all I ever do is ask you to pray for my feeble body and spirit. Please bear with me again...

In about an hour, my wonderful sister is coming to take me on what promises to me a very uncomfortable ride into the city to see the specialist for my ruined back. The IV narcotics and steroids have all run their course, and I'm worried about just how painful this 45 minute trip could be.

Then, I'm worried that once I'm there, they're going to send me back home until they can fit me on the OR
schedule next week. That would mean, not only a painful trip home today...but new adventures in pain when they tell me they can fit me in and fix me up next week. I asked...my insurance will not pay for an ambulance to transport me (preferably unconscious).

As a cancer survivor myself, I know I should be embarrassed for whining about this, but friends...this pain hurts more that I ever could have imagined anything hurting. ANYTHING.

Please pray for me.
Relief from some of the pain...
relief from some of the stress...
courage...and perhaps most of all...
a quick return of the "can-do", peaceful feeling that keeps me going day to day.

Satan's spawn (aka HR director) has been trying hard to steal that peace from me...
and I need strength to fight that feeling of despair off, before it takes hold.
To fight off cancer and lose to that "beast" would be embarrassing beyond endurance. I would never be able to face my loved ones on the "other side" someday, if I gave into that whole mess!

Thanks for your love and prayers my friends! I'll let you know how today goes.
Denise

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

I'm praying now for a pain free transport.... Make the Good Lord surround you today and always.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Praying, Denise.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Praying for you. The more you relaxed, the less pain. I know its easier to say, harder to do. you could try at least

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Dear Denise... I will be praying all day for you. I've suffered with back pain and issues off and on for years. Sadly, your struggle sounds incredibly painful. :( You certainly deserve pain free days along with peace from dealing with Satan's spawn. You are in my thoughts!!

Jeri

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Sending prayers from the Great White North to you dear Denise...

I hope and pray they can fit you in for surgery ASAP on compassionate grounds.

all the best
caya

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

What I hear throughout your message is so out of character for you: fear, defeat, pessimism and I know that is pain talking. It can wear you down like nothing else. So just remember that what you are feeling is the result of outside forces.
Maybe the pain won't be as you anticipate it, maybe things will go smoothly. That's how our Denise would tackle it
I remember being told about a practice in Mindfulness Meditation. It seems counterintuitive but here goes: when in pain, go with it, ride it. I know it sounds very Zen and to be avoided but it somehow works. I don't pretend to be able to appreciate how you feel right now but am just offering thoughts
Can you at least take something for anxiety? Ativan?
In future, if you can't have an ambulance, would some sort of medical transport be available? I don't know that they would be any better than ones own family but maybe they have more comfortable seats?
Mostly I just want to say that I hear your frustration. It can be exhausting keeping up good spirits in the face of such circumstances. But it is all temporary. It won't always be like this . You are a survivor if I've ever seen one. Take it a day at a time and keep the faith

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Dear Denise -
Praying hard for your ride and appointment outcome.
Hope they gave you something strong for that pain! Otherwise the surgeon can prescribe it. You have to have a paper copy for that since it is a narcotic, no over the phone refills.

I came out of the hospital with some Oxycodone for my back pain. I dosed for the rides into the hospital, which took around 40 minutes. Then I had another pill when I got back home and into my bed.

Hang in there, and as Bonnie said, try to keep that pain from talking. As excruciating as it is, it WILL get better.

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Prayer going up. God listens to us sinners!

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praying for you Denise....back pain is horrible (I literally feel your pain)

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Denise please never stop asking us for support, you are always there for all of us in your wonderful posts. I will pray that you get relief from this terrible pain but when you get to that surgeon you get the most powerful pain relief they can give you. I really hope they get you into surgery ASAP thinking of you Denise. Lois

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So if you break your leg, they transport you in the ambulance, but not if you break your back! Unreal. Let me know the school district and maybe get an investigative reporter to talk to the Devil's Daughter. I am buried in alligators or I would go myself.

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Oh Denise....Im so sad and upset to hear you are in so much pain. As mentioned, please don't ever quit asking for the prayers and support when you need them. I'll light a candle for you, and Im thinking about you today. Lots of prayers, gentle hugs.

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denise, I know your adventure today has already begun, and maybe is even over. Still, prayers are never wasted so I prayerfully give thanks for all the good guidance you have gotten from your bros and sisters above, and ask for you to be showered with all the additional grace you need to get through this.

Never apologize about asking for prayers, we want to hear and so does God.

As for Satan's spawn. I call upon greater, far more powerful angels to be brought to bear, to weaken her and shield you from her. Angels can take many forms...

Denise, don't forget to breathe.

Love,
Chris

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Dennis,
When I had my herniated disk I would scream out with pain. My husband would set the alarm 2 hours before I needed to be up so I could take a pain pill to get out of bed to get ready for work. Most excruciating thing ever. If I didn't move I was ok but how do you avoid moving? Maybe try to position yourself in the back seat some how so u have more availability to move or stretch. Now getting out of the car is another topic. I will tell you that after surgery I was pain free and walking the halls immediately if that is of any comfort to u. We all react differently and I pray that is the case with you. U can do this I know u can. I am surprised that they haven't already done your surgery with the pain level you are having. U have tackled so much and won, this is just temporary. I feel your frustration, enough is enough but let's get that back feeling better SOON! Are they doing a fusion or micro discectomy? U r always in my prayers. Scream in a pillow if it helps, you are allowed to be fed up. Lets hope this is your last hurdle. Keep us posted.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Oops, just reread your post and you already should have done your travel. I meant well. Sorry I am late. Hope it went well.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Hope all went well today Denise
Dawn

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Thinking of you often, and hoping that they may have just been able to keep you to do your surgery. Prayers, prayers, and more prayers.

Barb A.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Sending prayers up!!

Denise

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Friends,
First...I love you!! <3

Second...surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Gee, that means for my Aussie friends, I'm done, fine, and eating celebratory chocolate already. That was easy.

I'm hoping my experience is like yours Darlene, and I dance out of here on Saturday!

Everybody who was worried about my spirits slipping...fear not...they've "un-slipped". Pain management is a beautiful thing!!

I'll keep you posted as things progress. Keep praying!
Love,
Denise

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You cannot keep a good woman down!! Hope all goes amazingly well for the surgery Denise.
Thinking of you, and sending you a big pain-free hug!
Cheers Marie

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Will be thinking of/praying for you tomorrow. Be aware that the pain threshhold (after the surgery - in the recovery room)might be different this time.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Praying that surgery is a total success and that you have a quick recovery. Those chocolates will taste so good!

Let us know how it goes~
Jeri

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Happy to know your pain is now MANAGED!

And your surgery will be over by the time I am having my breakie tomorrow morning.

My very best wishes coming your way for a skilled surgeon with a steady hand to do the amazing work to bring you back to a normal life.

(Mine is not yet quite normal, but gets better as time goes by!)

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Denise,
I'm glad to hear that God answered our prayers to get you the help you needed with the surgery scheduled quickly. I hope you feel much better real soon.
Paula

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Praying that your surgery went well and you will soon be pain free!

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Today is the day! Im sending lots of positive thoughts and prayers. Im so happy they got you scheduled so quickly, and you will be on the road to recovery. Also, so thankful they got your pain under control, and you are not suffering with that anymore. Yay! :)

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Good morning, Denise. Lots and lots of prayers have been sent. Hope you are feeling better and will soon be on your feet and feeling fiesty! A friend told me that his post surgical pain was so much less than what he had experienced before the operation, that it was downright strange.....Hope the same is true for you, and you will soon be resting and recuperating at home. Gentle hugs.

Barb A.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Denise, by time you get this you'll be out of surgery and on your way to healing! I'm sure you'll have the relief that Barb described above. Looking forward to having someone to play scrabble with again soon!

-Julie

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Denise,
Hope all went well and you are on the road to recovery!

Prayers still going!

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Praying ever so hard that you are able to post soon with a positive attitude and out come. Gods blessings are all around you. Peace my friend

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Denise, Oh I'm sorry to hear that. :( I've been there and my husband has too (he had to have 3 vertabrae fushed together). Damn- I know the suffering from back pain can be so unbelievably unbearable. My heart goes out to you. I hope and pray for prompt pain relief for you and that they are able to help resolve your pain!!! Denise, Please let's us know how it went.

Thank You My Dear Loving God, I pray in your name Jesus Christ. Please hear my prayer. Please have mercy and lay your healing hands on our sister Denise. I pray for your mercy of those sick, suffering with mind and body pain and all of us here stricken with cancer, and I pray for peace in this world and your miracles! Amen!

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How are you going Denise? Thinking about you
Dawn

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Hello Friends!
I'm feeling much, MUCH better today!
The surgery was on Thursday...pushed a day earlier because of the pain levels, that drugs were barely touching. Intractable pain is what they called it.

From the time I arrive at the hospital on Wednesday, until the surgery was complete on Thursday, I was treated like a queen...a drugged up queen, in a lot of pain, but a queen, just the same.

Then...and those of you who have known me for a while will not be at all surprised by what happened next.
I came out of anesthesia,
intubation tube was removed,
I was wheeled into recovery...
was spoken to briefly by someone who was clearly not old enough to shave but who was expert enough in the practice of neurosurgery, to decide if I was going to be okay.

This fine young man said everything went fine. He told the "workers" in post-op that I could return to my room, and that I could have ice or juice whenever I wanted it.

Good deal, right?! That was at 5:17. One of the post-op minions gave me a tiny medicine cup - smaller than a shot glass - with exactly 4 pea sized pieces of ice in it.

They parked me by the door to the soiled laundry room - no, you didn't read that wrong - and no one came back to check on me until I heard someone say it was 6:50, and they were going to order their pizza for dinner. They were having trouble deciding between pepperoni and sausage. I hadn't eaten a thing in 18 hours at that point...and the 4 tiny chip of ice were a distant memory.

I asked someone for more ice or some water - at this point, my teeth were actually stuck to my lips, and talking was painful. "You're next, we're waiting for transport to come get you." I could really use a drink, I replied, my mouth and tongue are sore.

"You're fine", she said, "you still have most of a bag of fluid hanging."

It was then that I looked at my arm and noticed that while there was an IV line in my arm...there waddn't shit running into it!
No fluid...because I've been battleing low blood pressure,
no antibiotics for the bladder infection,
and NO, I repeat, NO PAIN meds at all.
It had been 2 hours since my 3 hour spinal surgery and I had yet to get any pain medicine.

I looked around the room, and realized that except for the staff members trying to decide what to order from Pizza Hut I was the only one there...
clearly they were NOT rushed off their feet!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it was then that something inside me snapped. Even with all the untreated pain I was feeling...
I sat bolt upright and announced in a rather determined tone of voice:

Excuse me everyone, I think I've gained just about all I can from my view of the soiled laundry room. It would probably be best if one of you would find me a wheelchair, so I can transport myself to my hospital room. I'll just be removing these IVs and monitors while you work on that.


Sadly, it was then that one of those post-op worker bees set down her 32 ounce Pepsi...with LOTs of ice in it, to come running to stop the lunatic patient (That would have been me in her view)

My state of extreme dehydration, coupled with that beautiful sloshing ice sound was a very bad combo.

Then, not knowing with whom they were dealing...they all adopted what I'm sure were intended to be calming tones, but telling me to stay calm when I am perfectly justified in my fury...OH MAN!!

Fortunately for their bodies, and for my perfectly clean criminal record, I was too weak to do much more that say loud things about my perceived mistreatment at their hands.

Then, my whole body started to shake, and I realized, I was crying, but I was too dehydrated for tears to form.

I don't remember who finally got me to lay down and wheeled me back to my room - she was dressed in OR garb not Post op. What I do know is that the nurses, CNAs Food service staff, maintenance, PT, OT on my floor...all checked in on me several time over the next day or two. "How could anyone treat their Denise" that way! Very sweet! (Boy does a good story travel through a hospital in a hurry!)

And the neurosurgeon, when he came to see me about my "entire experience" - that's how they always ask here...YIKES!

What they want to hear is something like"seamless", "couldn't have been better", "your team is certainly top notch".

Clearly, that was not the case. I didn't have the names of any of the people who were slackers and caused the problem...he says he can easily track that down himself...but I did make a point of telling him the names of every person who took exceptional care of me...because there have been many.

If you didn't laugh when you read this because you were feeling bad for me...go back and read it with the knowledge that it all turned out fine, and the part where I tell them to get me a wheelchair cause the IVs are comin' out...I wish I had video of those faces when they realized just how much trouble their poor treatment of me could end up causing. I bet they didn't enjoy that pizza as much as they thought they would!! :)

Thanks for checking in on me!
Still having pain, but nothing like I had before the surgery. And...I'm pretty sure I get to go home tomorrow!
Love to all of you!
Denise

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Oh Denise!!!!

What a day! Yes, I was feeling bad for you, but you are right, everything turned out well, so ll you can do is laugh! Fancy leaving you with a view of the laundry room, with no medication, or water for hours, whilst they debate their pizza toppings! WTH?

You are a funny lady, Denise, you always have a goo d story to tell. I'm so glad you are feeling ok, and will be home soon. If you can get out the hospital now that is, they may be trying to make up for it now, keeping you in with extra special care!
Take it easy my friend x

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Oh, man. Was this at UPenn? I'm so disappointed in them. Disgraceful.

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I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT! The hospital staff is NEVER supposed to leave a just-recovered-from-surgery patient unattended!

Having had the same recent surgery, I am shocked! That staff was completely negligent, and it is not one bit funny. You were starting to have complications and needed attention. They should have never taken you out of recovery until you were either going home or directly to a room.

I can't stop shaking my head ...

You were right to give the riot act to the physician. That place could be in big trouble.

On a brighter note, I am so glad you are feeling better and in much LESS pain.

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O Denise, that was aweful! I'm so sorry about your odeal.

Thought my experience after hysterectomy/oophorectomy three years ago was bad enough (terrible pain in the recovery room because my tolerance of pain medicine and then late at night a staff attempted to put the blood pressure cuff on my right arm where 11 lymphnodes had been out and I'd experienced lymphedema!)

Those staff must have thought you were still under the influence of Anesthetics and they could just sneak off... [A nurse had told me some personal stuff during my rehabilitation after the brain (tumor) surgery in 1990. When I mentioned it (asked about her 'Oriental' daughter-in-law) a year later at the 'reunion', she turned to my husband and said: "You watch her! She doesn't forget anything!"]

I also had been left alone by a young 'boy' (probably a high school student volunteer) after he had pushed my wheelchair to the 'wrong' station unattended. Susan, my PT, 'fetched' me about five minutes later. From her pale face I realized what a big deal it must have been for them to have a patient 'missing'...

But the IV part was inexcusable...

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Denise,

So sorry for all the mistreatment you had to endure. Very glad you are feeling better and on the road to recovery.

Re: Pain? yes Appt? yes Relief? ????
 

Hi Denise,

So good to hear your pain is under control. I saw your message too late to suggest finding a friend with an RV, who can transport you in a horizontal position.

I once pulled a muscle in the mountains in Switzerland which developed into an infection. Until then, I'd never ever felt such excruciating pain (I learnt that childbirth can be worse, since, but that's another story). My boyfriend and I had a van, and he put a mattress in it & drove me back to the Netherlands (900 Miles, the first 150 through the mountains). I think if I had known in advance how painful that would be, I'd have screamed for euthanasia.

You are a real trooper to have done the 45 minute trip without killing your sister or the doctor or both.

Love

Jacqueline