Living while waiting... An art form
 

THIS IS AN ESSAY E'D TO ME THAT I THOUGHT MANY OF MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS MIGHT BENEFIT FROM READING.

I THINK EACH ONE OF US CAN RELATE, AND HOPEFULLY FEEL INSPIRED TO TAKE THE TIME WE HAVE AND RUN WITH IT, CHERISHING EACH MOMENT AND THOSE WE LOVE...


In 2003 I suffered a grand mal seizure followed by the diagnosis of a
brain tumor. After a 10 hour MRI assisted brain surgery and a year on
anti-seizure medication, life calmed down. In 2006 I was diagnosed
with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and had months of chemotherapy. Now after
two years I am completing Rituxan, a follow up on the earlier
treatment that is intended to extend remission.

Recently I had the final infusion. But I was not at all sure that
pulling away the safety net was a cause for celebration. My doctor
poked his head into the curtained chamber to assure me that he
expected a long remission. Kind of him, but what could he say?

Remission is cancer's suspended animation. The renegade cells are
poised to return but no one knows when. It could be a month or a
decade; for my type of lymphoma (one of the more than thirty varieties
of Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma) there is no cure. So I am stuck in what Dr.
Seuss -- in a book I used to read to my daughter -- calls "a most
useless place. The Waiting place...."

I have been here before; my wife was diagnosed with cancer when she
was 31. Our daughter was ten months old, and we waited. Following my
brain tumor and surgery, we waited. We thought then we were done. No
more bullets in the chamber. We felt safe, but tentative.

A swollen lymph node was the first warning of this new cancer. A
biopsy confirmed our unspoken fear. It seemed incredible, overwhelming
to think it was happening again, happening anew. The doctor called me
at work. I came home to tell my wife and she was in the shower. I
walked in fully dressed and we held each other; our tears combined
with the cascade of water.

I had the strange, surreal experience of hearing my congregants' shock
that this could happen to the family of the Rabbi -- as though
professional piety was a shield against disease. As though God played
favorites.

Right before my brain surgery I appeared in front of the congregation
and asked them for their patience and their prayers. Three year later
I was standing before them, bald. I witnessed the realization in their
eyes that there are no guarantees, no protected people. No one is safe.

At moments, my wife and I will look at each other and understand the
unspoken. We have both been scared, on and off, more and less, for a
long time. And now with the end of treatment we are scared anew and
waiting once more. Well, what now?

Do you live as if remission will go on forever? Or do you allow the
thought of death to be before your eyes always, so as not to waste a
precious moment of life?

Every patient is surrounded by people assuring him "you will be fine."
A woman in my congregation told me, with a sage look, "You are going
to be ok. I know these things." I told her I would feel more
comfortable if she had foreseen the cancer in the first place.
Statistics are meaningless. Neither my wife nor I had risk factors. No
one knows. We've rolled snake-eyes too many times to count on breaking
the bank.

What have I left undone? That marching song of purpose is quickly
undermined by the whisper of nihilism: so what if you've left
something undone? Will the world really be poorer for that article,
that book unwritten? Then I hear my own voice counseling others, love
more, care more, risk more, be more thoughtful.

One afternoon in the middle of chemo, when my hair was gone and most
of my energy with it, my wife was bringing our then 9 year old
daughter home from school. I heard my daughter say as the door opened,
"Is Daddy on the couch again?" Nothing has ever made me sadder than
those words.

There may be stem cell transplant in my future. There may be a new
regimen of drugs. They are always 'in the pipeline' I am told.

For now I am just waiting. I am trying to find my own way through this
because, inevitably, I will be asked how I did it. Rabbis are supposed
to be figures of authority and calm. It was hard enough to reassure my
congregation that a fickle universe does not mean that God is absent.
That belief does not indemnify me against adversity. That my faith
through all this is unshaken. How does one live, Rabbi, is the
question my congregants ask, of not so directly. Tell me, Rabbi -- it
is your job to know.

My answer, I now realize, is: Live as if you are fine, knowing that
you are not. Death is the overriding truth of life but it need not be
its constant companion. My safety net is gone. I feel, as all people
in remission do, that each time I fly my hand may slip from the
trapeze. But to live earthbound is to give the cancer more than it
deserves.

I was never taught that God promises us forever. Each day is graced
with beauty, with the certainty that this world is not all. I am not
owed more years. I do, however, desperately wish for them.

I am grateful for the time I have been given. I am scared it is
running out. And I pray with a new intensity -- not that I will be
promised a cure, but that I won't waste my waiting in fear. I owe it
to my family, my community and to God not to be done before I really
am done.

WITH MY LOVE, AS ALWAYS...

Beautiful words. Can I quote this on another list?

Jacqueline

Go for it!
 

Absolutely! Please do... Spread the wisdom...

We all need some inspiration.

Hugs,

Hi Andi! How often it seems that I need that reminder to live each day fully. I think the most helpful to me was the reminder that the world won't change if my story doesn't get told or if I don't save the "lost ones" in my life! What a challenge this ol' life really is to keep some sort of balance of caring for and about others and to slow down and touch life ourselves daily.
Thanks for sharing, Andi. Don't be a stranger. You are loved, ma

Hi Andi,
I haven't posted much, but have learned so much here since I was diagnosed almost 2 yrs ago. You are one of the first people that I was drawn toward. I have missed reading your postings. You have been quite the inspiration for my journey. I hope to see more posts from you. :)
Love,
Barb

Definitely inspiring...Thanks Andi...

Melanie

AndiBBBBBBBBBB
So good to see your smiling face when I logged on...thank you for posting this...it really resounded with me today....I needed that!
Dont be a stranger, I miss your wisdom!!

Time is so precious...
 

WELL, HELLO BACK TO Y'ALL. YOU MAY NOT HEAR FROM ME OFTEN, BUT I THINK OF EACH OF YOU ALL THE TIME.

MARIE! LOOK AT YOUR FINE SELF! AN ACTUAL PICTURE OF *BELIEVE*. WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU! LOVE HOW YOU ALWAYS SHARE YOURSELF WITH THE GANG. SHEILA, YOU AND YOUR BROOD ARE A TRUE DELIGHT TO SET EYES ON. AND MARY ANNE MY OLD FRIEND, THANKS FOR YOUR SWEET PERSPECTIVES AS WELL. BARBARA, I HAD NO IDEA, BUT I DO ALWAYS HOPE MY RAMBLINGS ARE TOUCHING SOMEONE(S)... http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gstres/thghts/smile A SHOUT OUT TO MELANIE! HEY!

A RECENT THING I TYPED OUT -- NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SHARE I THINK. NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION...

Time is precious. Priceless. Yet it costs us nothing.

You can do anything you want with it, but you can't own it.

You can spend it, but you can't keep it.

And once you've lost it -- there's no getting it back. It's just -- gone.

So, choose what you do with Time well. Use your power to choose what you will think about all day and what you will focus your energy on carefully. Spend it wisely and prudently.

MARY ANNE, I DO THINK THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR EACH OF OUR EXPERIENCES. BUT I HEAR YOU ABOUT NEGLECTING TO FOCUS ON THE MOMENT.

WE ARE A PART OF ONE ANOTHER'S REALITY. WE TOUCH ONE ANOTHER'S LIVES. WE EACH INFLUENCE ONE ANOTHER. LET OTHERS KNOW THEIR AFFECT ON YOU. SEE YOURS ON THEM. EXPRESS YOUR EMPATHY FOR THEIR SITUATION AND THE STRESS THEY ARE UNDER. A SMILE, A KIND WORD CAN CHANGE ANOTHER PERSON'S DAY, AND LIVE WITH THEM LONG AFTER YOU HAVE MOVED ON.

I LOOK WITH MY HEART. I DON'T SEE A STRANGER. I SEE A *THOU*, A SACRED BEING. WE ARE EACH SPECIAL, VULNERABLE, IN NEED OF A HUG.

But I believe we musn't lose sight of the fact that -- how you will feel each moment (as it scurries by and disappears)is an art to cultivate! As you thus choose how joyful you will be, others will feel similarly, as they share Time with you...

I continue to live AS IF. As if my desired destiny is on its way to me. I work hard at not obsessing about it, not demanding it, just BELIEVING I can call it mine. Fear and Faith cannot occupy the same space. So this is how I deal with my fears. I do think we all have them, after all...

I have learned to consciously choose to live moment to moment, hour by hour. Otherwise my head spins as I contemplate the *what ifs*. I choose to ground myself in The Now and drink in the Essence of being alive! Most days. I sometimes fail. Flounder. But I know I will do better, tomorrow...

I live with an open heart. I am a vessel for Universal Love. I know it sounds hokey, but it's how I see the world. I thought you should know this. It is such a wondrous Life Lesson I have gleaned!

I pray you too will find this Enlightenment for yourself, and derive great benefit from it.

I wish you Health and Happiness, Harmony and much love...

Always thinking of you,
Andi http://www3.telus.net/public/a7a5595.../butterfly.gif

Wonderful as always.....thanks so much!

This was wonderfully inspirational! I really needed to read this today, thanks so much!

Thanks Andi for this lovely post. We miss you, please try to pop in with some thoughts once in awhile.

all the best
caya

Hi Andi,

Your thread was just what I needed to hear tonight. I just returned from the hospital. My ex had a quad bypass today. Trying hard to be strong and supportive for our children and him. I too have not been online as I had to move out of state. I am one of the 3+ million out of work, lost her home... Still struggling with my own recooperation from last two years of treatment. Recent checkup was Cancer Free; thank God. I am going to print your post for him as he begins his recovery. Very inspirational. Take Care.

Tamara
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma 10/2006

Hi Andi! Thanks for sharing your awesome posts with us. I'm glad you're doing so well. It's always good to hear from you. love ya! Bill

Andi,

Thank you for touching my life in such a wonderful way. You are a real inspiration to me.

Paty

Andi,

So good to see your beautiful smile. And thanks for the
inspirational message - as usual.

Reading your post also helped me to feel less tense worrying about possible liver mets. I've been having discomfort on the right side below/under my ribs. And there are other notable changes in other areas. Reading your signature again helped relieve some of the stress and revive my fighting spirit.

Hi Andi, I always liked reading your inspirational words of wisdom. The phrases about time were also on the show called Medium. There is so much truth to those words about time. Something that is so easy to take for granted. Sally

Andi, I totally agree. I just mean that sometimes the things that I think are so important may not be important at all. My life chores may be skewed from what my simple mind thinks should be done and may be something altogether different! One of cancer's gifts has been learning to let go of what I assumed was so! Rather than try to get my point across, I'm loving just being on the learning end of the stick!
It has even seemed in the last few weeks or so that a "few...very few" of my little grey cells are coming back to life!
Keep tuning in please, ma

Andi-

I do not post a great deal, but I want you to know that your words are always so inspiring to me.

Thanks for continuing to share.

Suzanne

Remember to keep talking to your body please...
 

Letting go of the need to be right is a big one! Wayne Dyer taught me that in one of his many books. WOULD YOU RATHER BE RIGHT, OR HAVE PEACE? I have that on lilac 3 x 5s with my own calligraphied handwriting, scattered around my house.

I also no longer need to have the last word. I can sit serenely and ponder instead.

I never stop talking to my body. When it starts to misbehave, and it does, I let it know in no uncertain terms exactly what I expect from it. THE BODY HEARS EVERYTHING WE THINK, OR WHISPER. I don't want to send wrong messages, as I obsess. So once I vent, I correct any and all possible mistaken communications for my body to hear. And, for the Universe to catch my drift.

I suggest we all try to keep our Intentions clear and Expectations firm. And so it will be...

I do believe this. It is my mantra...

Every thought is like a prayer. Every prayer has the power to become a miraculous reality.

Much love always,

Andi, thank you again, for the umpteenth time, for timely inspiration. I will try to remember it each time that I find myself waiting to make a decision until after a scan, until after this milestone or that one. If I hadn't had cancer then it could have been something else. There is will always be a "maybe" lurking on the horizon. Life is now. I can never get enough reminders that what I have is today. That is not a fact of cancer, but a fact of life.

Leslie

Within resistance lies struggle and pain
 

Yes, sweet Leslie, even those w/o ca find themselves saying -- when this or that happens, then my life will begin. We all do it. We wait for our lives to start, dependent on a particular set of circumstances. We set an arbitrary moment in Time for the event. We determine that we will hold our breath until then.

We need to stop waiting to start living. We need to live while waiting! Cause otherwise, we're forever waiting. For something. Whatever that is. Or we're buried in wanting for the old norm. We need to stop resisting. That is where the struggling lies. We must somehow learn to open to our new place in the world. To open our hearts and our minds and accept that we are (for some unknown reason) exactly where we are supposed to be at this point in Time. I know, it is very hard. But so well worth our efforts. Happiness and serenity will be your reward.

Grab hold of this moment right now. And learn to OWN IT.

Your words Leslie, are so beautifully expressed, as always.

Let's all make a pact. Let's give this our best shot. BE IN THE NOW AS FULLY AS A BEING CAN BE. Savor every drop. And be grateful for the gift of it. You'll see, you will be so full of Joy and Love you will be radiating it all over the place.

Others will see it, and feel it, and be touched by it, and respond to it IN KIND. You will set a whole chain of emotions and actions into effect. Single-handedly.

Tell yourSelf -- GOOD JOB. Be proud of yourSelf.

Give yourSelf a hug for me, please...

Andi, I wondered where you have been and so glad to hear from you. That post was exactly what I needed to hear the past few months. Please keep in touch and thanks. Ceesun

Andi, beautiful and very thought provoking words. I also would like to quote you if thats ok?

So well said and soooo needed. Thank you. Love, vickie

Finding your safe place...
 

I'm reading Rachel Naomi Remen's Kitchen Table Wisdom.It is so full of Enlightenment and Insights, I will read it the moment I finish it, scanning the underlined areas I have made. This is one exceptional book!

She speaks of SANCTUARY. Finding your own personal SAFE PLACE. Cats, for example, have their hiding places. But we all need such places.

For me meditation creates an inner silence and calm where I find strength I never knew I had. I feel connected to a force I sometimes call God, and other times refer to as the Universe. It is a place where we become One!

I've discovered that what I feel when I go deep within myself, to my Essence, is -- my Truest Self. I am other than my mind or my body. They are surely a part of me, but the real me is a Spirit. And, of course, this is not unique to me. We are each a Spirit, with a mind and a body...

Our Spirits are full of the divine energy of our Source, making each of us sacred Beings. We should speak and act accordingly. Regarding one another as sacred Beings, and behaving as a sacred being should.

Rachel's safe place allows her to connect with the marvels of the majesty of nature. The giant redwood forest is near her home. How lucky is she! The great trees stand rooted in a silence that is so absolute that it helps her inmost Self come to rest, she explains. She finds the silence this place evokes even more remarkable than the towering trees. Skyscraper high, they have trunks that have grown over a century to have a girth that a car could drive through it (if someone managed to create a tunnel there). I have been to Yosemite many decades ago. But the experience remains etched in my Soul, it was that awesome!

Rachel mentions that she learned that in Spain there is a place within the bullring where the bull feels safe. Can you imagine?! A safe place within such a daunting place -- thwarted by a matador with sharpened swords out to kill you.

If the bull can reach this place, he stops running and can gather his full strength. He is no longer afraid!

This place in the ring is different for every bull, but it is the job of the matador to be aware of this, to know where sanctuary lies for the bull he is up against. To be sure that the bull does not occupy this place of *wholeness* where he becomes empowered and emboldened!

I think of canser http://cdn-cf.aol.com/se/clip_art/gs...dday/greenface and I think of us Warriors seeking a place in our inner world, a place of deep inner silence where we can go to feel safe -- empowered and emboldened!!! It is like finding a way to give yourSelf a hug, to put your arms around yourSelf and attain Wisdom and Guidance. A place where you can experience a Universal Love that simply fills you up to overflowing.

Once connected with my Spirit, in my understanding, I listen to my Inner Voice and feel secure and certain of attaining my dreamed of goals, despite all odds that contradict my notion. There I find the will to carry on. There I find courage. And serenity.

Somethings for you to consider perhaps...

With love always,

Her book is great...simple, respectful. A great read.

Hi Andi! words of wisdom from my role model! Thank you!
Body and Self, being and doing....trying to maintain that balance. My body and ego says to "do"...control, protect....
My Self says to recognize, accept, let go and be.

How are you coming along with your book?
Much aloha to you my friend....
Maryanne

More living while waiting...
 

Hi Maryanne my dear friend in Alohaland. I always love your take. What you see as Body and Self is right on. Is Mind included in Body? Cause I see that our True Selves have a mind and a body. I stopped identifying myself as simply a Mind and a Body years ago.

This is enormously clarifying. We are each unique sacred Souls, or Spirits.

I think what we do comes from a place that is our core Self.

Some things I have learned to accept. Some I keep trying to rectify, but always with the understanding if what I want is in opposition to what the Universe (or God) has planned for me, I trust that sometimes I should be careful what I wish for.

Example: As you know, after 10 years of being on Herceptin, I stopped late last July ('08). I go every 3 mnths for a full panel of bld tests, including CBC, lipid profile and TMs (CA 27.29 and another which I seem to be less fixated on). I have remained around 12 in CA 27 category these past 10 yrs.

I get a copy of my bld results and compare the latest to the last, line by line and check the normal range, which my brain doesn't seem to retain. Last Nov my TMs were at 16. I didn't say anything. I know they are unreliable, that they vary due to no one is quite sure what.

In Feb all my bld work was perfect. My Dec chest/abdomen/pelvic CT scans STABLE. But my Feb TMs were up to 29. YIKES! I spoke to my onc who I love and totally trust. We decided to retest in a mnth, not 3 mnths. I upped my Omega 3. I was cognizant that I had THE WORST FLU I EVER HAD -- and it lasted for 3 long mnths!!! Dec/Jan/Feb I was sick as a dog. Daily painful throbbing headaches (which I never get), clogged sinuses that felt like a concrete block in my head. My nose ran incessantly. I practically duct-taped a kleenex box to my hip, needing it wherever I turned. I was coughing unproductively.

Anyway, sorry I am digressing as I am prone to do. March 31 I went for a retest of TMs. After all, being off H for so many mnths, I am especially vigilant, trying to keep ahead of any problems. My TMs went up and out of the normal range to 41. Yes, first I freaked out. Panicked. Onc said may have to return to H, that would be the worst case scenario. All other indications are that I am perfectly STABLE. But having tasted freedom, I didn't want the side effects of H that I now could clearly see and appreciate the absence of. No more hot flashes. No more bathroom drama (as long as I steer clear of my trigger foods, which I have learned to recognize). Plus -- i simply and slowly lost 20 lbs. However, obviously, if need be I would return to H, and make my every 3 wk journeys to the chemo rm if necessary. AND, I am humbly and genuinely grateful that H exists and that my body (and heart) basically tolerate the blessing of this fabulous drug and keep mets at bay for me! I am so lucky, but a tad greedy, yearning for my freedom to remain...

So, onc and I decided to retest in a mnth. At 2 wks I begged for just 1 more wk of waiting. And so it was. If I had to return to H, let's get moving!!!, was my thinking. I was sure my # would go up, but I prayed and meditated and spoke directly to my body ordering it to get it's act together anyway. I did suspect my 3 mnth illness could be the cause of the problem, but of course seriously worried my HER2 cells were out to cause mischief, coalesce and create something somewhere. Anywhere in fact. They have a passport to go where they like I believe.

A part of me considered that perhaps this was a message from the Universe telling me that I need to get back on H. So I stopped resisting. Still prayed, meditated and talked to my body, but was open to following wherever I was led.

Well my April 20 TM's shot WAY DOWN -- to 14! They ran the test a second time to be sure. I will naturally retest in another wk or so. I am still awaiting my HER2 serum bld test, just for further input.

I have some breathing space. I am even more fully enjoying each day and each relationship it is my good fortune to have in my life. I am thanking God for being alive, and feeling reinvigorated with more bliss and a degree of peaceful calm that had perhaps begun to slip away a bit over time.

I was originally dx in July of '95. My first grandchild, a girl, was born in '96, and I was blown away with the honor of witnessing her birth and her first breath. THANK YOU GOD FOR SUSTAINING ME AND ENABLING ME TO SEE THIS MOMENT. And now, I am a part of the planning for her Bat Mitzvah which will come a few mnths after her 13th birthday. I bought my dress.

This July will be 14 years of survival. With less than a 15% chance of being here, according to statistics (forget them!) -- I have miraculously held on to my desired destiny. That is with the help of: God, my Spirit, my Family and their love, my docs and nurses and of course Herceptin (and Dennis Slamon's devotion to developing it and making it available to all of us, despite the bureaucratic odds to the contrary of that happening)! I cherish each friendship I have.

I send loving energy to all of my Sisters and Brothers, as always...

Love you Andi. Thank You Andi. http://her2support.org/vbulletin/images/icons/icon7.gif

Love Rachel and Eckhart and all our beautiful Wisdom Warriors...

Thank you for helping us to learn to live and share in this beautiful moment.

Blessings all
Hermiracles

Andi, I wish you continued good results with your tm. I send you as much good energy as I can.

I was reading recently of 4 levels being body, mind, spirit and soul. Each level having connections with the next. Was very interesting.

Peace is born out of
equanimity and balance.
Balance is flexiblity,
an ability to adjust graciously to change.
Equanimity arises when we
accept the way things are.
~if you expect your life to be up and down,
your mind will be much more peacrful.
Lama Yeshe

Peace and much love to you Andi!
HarrieCanarie......maryanne.....

Getting connected...
 

Thank you Maryanne for your well wishes. And, I agree -- if we can't adapt, we are doomed. As Darwin said.

And I have learned that when we resist, we struggle and thus suffer.

Joy and serenity come with the Knowing that all of Life is impermanent and we must reach out and savor the heck out of each moment.

As we relish the ordinary, we discover the sublime and get carried away on it. We simultaneusly make every aspect of Life sacred. Which is a beautiful way to be! Plus, we start to feel One with the Universe, and with All That Is. Very cool. As we open to receiving Universal Love, we see the world through different eyes -- the eyes of our Soul... And everything changes.

We connect with our Spirit as we do this, which is eons old and full of wisdom. This is when I turn away from the mental chatter of my mind and listen to my Inner Voice. It is this CONNECTION that puts us in sync with Life...

I try to live AS IF. As if the destiny I desire is already on its way to me. I am on a path leading to it. I find that very empowering.

I never forget to express my gratitude to God, directly, and with my words and acts of kindness. The more we give, the more we receive. Just as it is written...

marilyn, i just had to say -- speaking of miracles -- you are totally awesome! You have achieved remarkable goals. Enjoy your beautiful family. How blessed you are. You have drawn these joyful happenings to you with the power of your radiant spirit. I am very impressed. People like you keep us strong and full of infinite possibilities.

harrie in hawaii, you too are so special. I love the way you are so open to being joyful and in the moment!!

this site is so full of radiant souls. I truly enjoy connecting with you all.

there's some great and uplifting info in this thread. Hoping to draw a few more to take the time to feed their spirit.

we each carry messages for one another.

love hearing your feedback. Thank you every one...

Holding on to the lessons
 

Hi Pink!

Thanks for coming out of THINGS TO THINK ABOUT OTHER THAN BREAST CANCER -- way over here. I am teasing you, my sweet friend.

I recall, back in '77, my father died suddenly. Well he had been very sick for several years, but I think death is always so stunning that we feel like it is sudden.

Anyway, I lived on Long Island at the time. At the very start of the winter the dark brown paint on the front door of my house chipped. It was ugly. And the first thing I saw as I came and went (as a busy mom with a 7 and 9 yr old). Darn that nasty chipped paint, right in my face! Everyday. It annoyed the heck out of me. Adding insult to injury, I was informed that I had to wait till spring to repaint and repair. DRAT. I was ever frustrated by this untidy matter.

Then my dad died, and as I would walk into my house I noted that the chipped paint meant not a whit, in the scheme of things. I no longer cared. My Father was gone from this earth. I missed him. This was a matter of importance, not the other thing. I held on to that wisdom (guess kind of like not sweating the small stuff) for a long while. Slowly, it began to slip away.

I agree Pink One, why do we need constant reminding of Life Lessons? Geez. In the same life yet!

Bc of course kind of brought me back to earth, so to speak. And, then the recurrence further etched Lessons into my brain and my heart. Plus, as you say, my tumor marker issue created a total resurgence of my need to celebrate each day. I was kind of doing that, but it was also kind of slipping away. I AM PRESENT NOW! I AM BACK! HELLO *NOW*!!!!!!

I will ponder this and get back to you on why it is we don't hold on to the Lessons for longer. Any suggestions??? Anyone????? Good topic. Interesting. I think...

Hey Steph -- over there in LIVING WHILE WAITING, ME TOO -- you'd be perfect (if you can find the time pre travel) to offer some outlook on this issue. You being newly freed and on hiatus from Vit H and all...

Have a fab trip, BTW. It's sounds divine!

Reading the messages on this thread reminded me of the 'here and now' that was emphasized by the popular 'transaction analysis' in the 70's and 80's. Did a web search and found a lot of information about TA, including these interesting initialisms:

YDYB: Why Don't You, Yes But. Historically, the first game discovered.

IFWY: If It Weren't For You

WAHM: Why does this Always Happen to Me? (setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy)

SWYMD: See What You Made Me Do

UGMIT: You Got Me Into This

LHIT: Look How Hard I've Tried

ITHY: I'm Only Trying to Help You

LYAHF: Let's You and Him Fight (staging a love triangle)

NIGYYSOB / NIGYSOB: Now I've Got You, You Son Of a Bitch

RAPO: A woman falsely cries 'rape' or threatens to - related to Buzz Off Buster

Thanks Jackie for your input.

I kind of get your point, maybe... Surely I can relate to the WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME syndrome which is a red flag -- to be more introspective and examine what the heck I am doing wrong. It's human to make mistakes but the true crime is not to learn from them, and to keep repeating them.

I think the profound Lesson of grasping our need to CHERISH EACH DAY AND THOSE WE LOVE, AND TO DO IT WITH UNCOMMON PASSION has so many layers. Like falling in love, in time we still love the person but we aren't all atitter about it as we are when it is freshly discovered. I may have made that word up. Could be atwitter, but you catch my drift.

So as life has a way of moving like a roller coaster, when we have a crisis, we RELEARN this invaluable Lesson, as it has even deeper meaning. Over time, we become lax in being awestruck and humbly grateful. Life has a way of reminding us, which is a good system I suppose.

That's my take.

The SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO is emblematic of abusers, I've noted. It's never their fault. If it weren't for you, my sad story, my victimization -- then Life would be good. Blaming rather than taking responsibility, not only for the past but for taking charge of your future is self-defeating!

One of my favorite Gleanings is -- I CAN CONTROL MY THOUGHTS. THEY CONTROL MY EMOTIONS, SO I CAN CONTROL MY EMOTIONS. I MUST CONSCIOUSLY ACCEPT MY POWER OF CHOICE AND REWRITE MY MENTAL CHATTERINGS.

I CAN CALL MY DESIRED DESTINY TO ME WITH MY CHOSEN THOUGHTS, ATTRACTING THE UNIVERSE TO MATCH MY POSITIVE ENERGY AND ASSIST ME. I CAN COMMAND MY BODY. AND I AM EVER GRATEFUL FOR THIS GOD-GIVEN BIRTHRIGHT! WE ARE EACH SO VERY BLESSED, WE HAVE ONLY TO RECOGNIZE AND CLAIM OUR EMPOWERMENT...

Good discussion.

What keeps coming to mind is the Old Saw: "You can't take it with you."

There is more, but I need to go take hubby to get his leg checked at the hospital now. later.