Don't buy into the negative crap!
 

If anyone starts in with the "Terminal" stuff, tune them right out!
There is no one on the face of the earth who is not terminal. Since being diagnosed in 1999, I have known people who died from diabetes, heart trouble, and accidents. I have lived more in the past eight years than in all the years since my birth. Until I was diagnosed in '99, I had never really lived- not like I do now, savoring every precious second and changing the things in my life that needed to be fixed; making peace with God and learning to be kind to all of His children. Cancer has ultimately been the blessing that has allowed me to pour out my true loving feelings for my family and friends, so they will never doubt how much they were loved.
I never noticed the miraculous wonders of creation until lately- the miracle of each human person, the gorgeous colors and types of flowers and trees. the sparkles in the snow, the magnificence of water (I'm so grateful to be able to take a bath every day)
Live every second of this special life you have been given and appreciate your life for the beautiful and spectacular gift bestowed upon you by your awsome and loving Heavenly Father. He alone is the author of all life and He alone knows how many seconds each person has left before He takes us out of here.
Focus on all things uplifting and positive, stay away from negative people, and replace every negative thought with a positive one.I beleive God is using each one of you for a special purpose and I beleive you are all Saints.
God Bless and Keep You All- Cathy

Amen to what you said! My first onc was into the negative side of the numbers and not the positives. And when I quit him and that chemo he made feel like I was going to die because I was quitting. Here I am 2 1/2 years later still fighting and kicking!

Cathy, I agree with everything you said. I fit into that whole new life. I have done things I never dreamed I would ever do. I even dressed different like the bright green lime shoes I purchased in Florida. Everyone is special to me each in a different way. Everything here on earth I see in a whole new light. I have become closer to God through this journey. I am more free to reach out to people therefore, have many more friends. I took up oil painting and really surprised myself at what I am painting for pictures. There are 3 bc people taking the class-all new at it and maybe more but haven't said they are bc. We are all beginners. I don't have any negative friends around me if I do I can change them real quick or stay away from them. Wishing you well, sounds like you are living life to the fullest and so am I. People don't bother me anymore if I want to do it I do it!! God Bless you Cathy, hugs Sandy

Cathy, I couldn't agree more! I am convinced that staying positive is one of the main reasons I have made it through 21 years of fighting cancer, and especially since June 2004 when I was fighting a heart attack, BC mets to my lungs and phuemonia, then open heart surgery last May! I learned self hynosis and put it into daily practice. I never say "I have cancer" but "I am fighting cancer". When my oncologist told me I might have another year to live, I told him, "No, I have at least 5 years to live!" That was almost three years ago. I couldn't have done it without a wonderful supportive husband and a large loving family. I also give much credit to this wonderful website and all you Amazon warriors who keep fighting. You are absolutely right on, Cathy, and so are all the others who have and will agree with you about avoiding the negative. Only God knows when our time will be up, and I understand it may possibly be negotiated with Him, too! Keep on a'keepin' on! Thank you for your post. We need to be reminded to "accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative"! Hugs, Tricia

It truly is a life altering diagnosis-at least for me. I am now more positive than I have ever been, about everything. More at peace, more laid back.

Thank you for your post.

Bobbi

While I can't call cancer a blessing, I know that it has definitely changed me and I am not the person I was. I am better in many ways. And while taking life one day, one hour at a time is very difficult for me, I am surely savoring my life more than before.

Years ago I listened on TV to the interview of a well known French oncologist on a tour of lectures in North America. He said (& this was before many of the new treatments were discovered):I treat & save 30% of the "terminal" patients refered to me after they have been given up by their caregiver.

His motto was never to give up hope.

When I was diagnosed I decided that I would do everything I could to carry on as before - for myself and for my loved ones. I chose to continue working through treatment because it gave me something to do other than sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. It wasn't always easy but it was certainly doable. Whenever anyone remarks on my positive attitude I just remind them of one thing: You may not choose what life throws your way, but you can choose how to deal with it.

The power of positive thinking goes a long way!!

Great Thread,

I was a little annoyed this morning when I caught the view channel 7
(I do love this show) they were speaking about Elizabeth Edwards.
It was mentioned how bone mets are terminal with a 5-10 yrs.
survival...I was so angry and annoyed with them. I know a gal who
is a 20 yr. bc surviver - Oh and by the way has bone mets! With
all the new breakout drugs etc. who knows what we may have at
our finger tips in two years - five years - etc.

Reminds me of my first onc. Dr. Gold (Gold she was not- more like nickel) when I asked her do you think in the next ten years
we will have a cure for this disease? She did not even look up
and continued to write..." no I doubt it" she said. I knew I was
in the wrong place right away.

Of course we are not expecting fairy tales just a positive approach
to treatment.

I think I will e mail the view and tell them they did a dis-service to their
viewers this morning..by stating that early bc is curable but bones mets
has a time line....I am really annoyed....with them..they did not mention
that Elizabeth will have the newest and best treatment. What is really
concerning me at this point is that she is a central figure in the media
and this can cause great mis-information and stress to those women
who do not have inter-net access or are isolated - also to their
loved ones. Such as older parents who do not use the inter-net
to obtain current medical break outs which fight this bc back and keep
in down.

Kind Regards,
Jean

Terminal
 

I will not be "terminal" until I breathe my last breath. Period!

Hi Jean and all

I totally agree with all the misinformation being talked about by everyone and all
the time. I feel like I can't get away from it and have no say. These experts should be very careful what they are saying on national TV as you say Jean lots of people don't have a group as we do and they do not have wonderful support
and people who will give them the correct facts and this is just going on and on.
Patb

OK, I'm going to be the wet noodle here. I do not in any way believe that cancer has been a "blessing" to me. And honestly say that it is hard for me to find one positive thing about it. This saying, I was diagnosed at stage IV. Maybe if I was diagnosed at stage I and felt there was a cure, I would be a little more positive. I have young children and it hurts like crazy knowing what the prognosis is...so sorry if I'm not doing a happy dance lately. But I have not given up on life or living. I do travel more, take more time to spend with my kids and do appreciate the beauty of nature. There's just always this sadness in me that I can't seem to shake. I will fight this with all I have, I have just had too many people that I love and care for die of cancer, so I know what i'm facing. My brother is in the last stages of melanoma at the moment, it's in his liver. He was a big strong guy, who was a body builder..now he's just weak and half his self. It's just been a hard year for me and hopefully I can shake what I've been feeling lately so that I can enjoy things more...sherryg683

Sherry,

I totally agree with you that cancer has not been a "blessing" nor is it the "best thing that has ever happened to me". Feeling your mortality is certainly not being negative - just realistic. But in reading your message I still see that you have HOPE and a strong will to live! I admit it is easier for those of us diagnosed at an early stage to have a more positive outlook. I apologize if at times I/we seem insensitive to those of you diagnosed at a later stage.

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. My heart breaks for you.

Keep fighting the fight!!

Gerri

Sherry,
First of all I am sorry to hear about your brother. I also agree with you, that at least for me, cancer has not been a blessing. I have grown from the experience, but would never choose to travel this road. I also have a daughter with autism. Yes, I have also grown from that experience as well, and it has made me a better teacher, but again, I would not choose this path in life. Unforturnately, there are many choices in life we do not make.

On the other hand, we do have the opportunity to make some decisions and choices when our lives are interrupted with adversity, and it is not appropriate for others to question our choices. That's why I feel the Edward's family should be supported for the decision they have made.

My thoughts are with you!

Barbara H.

Amen Cathy...couldnt Have Said It Better Myself....

Dear Sherry,
I don't think your a wet noodle, we all hate this disease thats for certain.
I am very sorry that your brother is sick, life is so fragile. It is difficult
enough just to raise our children without the concerns of staying healthy
for them. Prior to dx. I think it is only natural for many to take for granted
how easy life really is as long as you are well. Then after dx. it hits like
a hammer - and the daily things in life become even more precious.

I believe that all the ladies of all stages feel the same bond, we hate the
disease and have realized that now everything else seems rather small,
and have a greater appreciation of life.

We all have bad days...and thats okay. By he way I know some very
nice wet noodles....I will keep you and your brother in my prayers.


Hugs,
Jean

Jean, I was getting ready for an appt this morning and just caught the beginning of the "View". I heard the same thing you did and I was angry. In fact enough so that when I got home from my appt. I fired off an email to the View. (I never do things like that...this was my first time.)

Especially when some new person is just DX and hears something like that. The fact remains hearing something like that can take away any hope someone has....let alone the fact is that isn't true. I talked with a women at the ACS that was a 18 year survior with bone mets. As you already stated...there are alot of people that don't have access to the internet. I swear...I had absolutely NO hope at all until I found this board. God forbid had I turned the *View* on a year ago when I was DX and heard that. I was grasping for any hope and that would of really depressed me. It was this board that saved my life.

I am all for you firing off an email to the View...I did first thing today. I hope and pray they got flooded with mail over saying that. They might mean well...but that was so wrong. They said it like it was a matter of FACT. No exceptions. (Wrong, & they should be told.)

Chelee

Sherry, I completely understand why you feel like you do. Those feelings creep in on me, too, in a fairly erratic fashion. I will go thru a few months when I don't think about it at all (other than on chemo day) and then I will suddenly get a butterfly in my stomach one day and the worrying and sadness sets in. I do go to counseling (I was already going before diagnosis to work through family grief) and it is really quite a relief. I am learning how to compartmentalize those thoughts so that they don't take over for very long. It serves me no purpose to go to a dark place and stay there. My counselor is a gem and it is nice to have someone to help me carry the weight of all of this. I also belong to a wonderful young survivors support group which is a very optimistic and positive (albeit realistic) group of women. Their friendship is also tremendously important. I don't have children (well, I do, I have 2 kooky cat children) like you do, so I can't imagine how much heavier that makes it for you.

Tricia - you are such an inspiration to me. Not enough words to express it.

Cathy - thank you for the reminder not to buy into the terminal talk! I have heard it over and over again in the media during the last week - and it has pissed me off. LIFE IS TERMINAL. That's the real truth. Those without cancer are not going to live a forever, immortal life. Any one of us could be crushed by a meteor falling out of the sky tonight, or by a drunk driver tomorrow... we have to keep it in perspective. Cancer is not a death sentence. Life is. It is a disease that we struggle with, fight, manage and survive and oh, yeah, it might also shorten our lives. But then so might an airplane crash or a fall from a ladder or a water-skiing accident. And I learned early on to NEVER EVER EVER go looking for statistics! The 8-10 year stat that we keep hearing in the media is making me ballistic.

Sherry, I am very sorry your brother is going through this. I'm sorry you have to see it. I have three brothers and would be very upset if one of them were ill. (Funny, I was irritated at how upset they were when I was diagnosed!) I pray that there will be breakthroughs soon to eliminate melanoma. There is so much grief around cancer -- grief for ourselves and the changes in our lives, grief for loved ones. There is a lot of cancer in my family and I realize that, in some ways, my family has been shaped by grief over cancer. Take good care of yourself.

I hate all the negative stuff lately from the media about cancer too; it really doesn't help those with the big C. I learning not to listen to the news lately and it helps. I do feel for Sherry, especially with her brother having C. also and her being young with kids. Sherry, keep up the fight and vent as often as you need here--I'm praying for You.


Jean, amen, well said:

"I believe that all the ladies of all stages feel the same bond, we hate the
disease!"

PS Yes, I am a "believer" on many levels, and I do believe a cure for cancer is in the horizon via nanotechnology. There are clincial trials right now going on where this technology will help diagnose and irradicate cancer!

To BUY or not to BUY ...
 

I did NOT buy in to the negatives when I was first diagnosed with Her2+++/hormone neg cancer.

I had three opinions and did get some numbers from those with different treatment options. The one I chose was the man who was less intent on those numbers and said that with the newer drugs and pacing of doses that there were better chances for most of us. I liked this approach and have not looked back since - just take a look at my "signature" and that should speak for itself.

I think a few of us should go on The View or one of the other shows to tell it like it REALLY is. There are many prospects and many ways to deal with ourselves once this disease is found out.

Seems many of us are dealing with family illness or our own relapses. Don't forget what Scarlet said, "tomorrow IS another day!"

I vote for going on Oprah instead of The View... At least she might give it a little more serious attention than the seemingly schizophrenic group on The View...

Sherri, I agree with you. sometimes I get down and wonder "what's the use". I think it's natural to feel like that from time to time. It can be exhausting being upbeat all the time. We need to feel the reality of our situation occasionally, as well as the joy of living. That doesn't mean that we don't all hope for as much life as we can have, but it's also not being Pollyanna.

Oprah, better audience
 

Don't get me wrong. Continually fighting my way through over SIX years of cancer treatments from head to toe has not been easy, but getting through it meant keeping a forward-looking perspective while enduring those clinic visits.
Looking forward does not mean we have to be upbeat all the time, just keep in mind that there IS more to life than our cancer, even though we now have some limitations that were not there before.

The beauty of our bodies is that we are able to "forget" severe pain and traumas to our body as time goes by. Otherwise, what woman would want to have more than one child, if the pain was the main issue? What happens after the birth wipes that out for most of us.

The ability to heal is a wonderful thing, and "the negative crap" is a hindrance in my opinion.

You are a true inspiration, too Steph! Your words really resonate with me and I needed to read them today. Thanks for posting.

I really needed to hear those words, also. Thanks Steph.

Ditto for me Steph. Thanks for the positive words.

Caya

I would too would say that cancer has been a hardship for not just me but my entire family. I was 32 at diagnosis. I have one child and would have loved to have more. A lot of dreams are crushed or cut short due to cancer. There are a few blessings along the way like most things in life.

My take on The View are a bit different than those who posted. I am not familar with bc and bone mets. I saw the episode and I believe Rosie said what the stats are for survival with that diagnosis. From reading the posts I see that that was inferred as a loss of hope. I think the stats are what they are and each case is a bit different. That being said anecdotal stats are not real numbers they can't be reproduced stastically. So knowing someone who beat the odds does not make Rosies information wrong.

I have had brain mets three times in six years. My neurosurgeon told me that my prognosis was not very good. He did tell me that when CA pts. get only brain mets they seem to do well. Knowing the stats was very sobering. I actually think that by knowing my stats has given me the opportunity to live my life differently. Like many who have posted I see my time very valueable now. I no longer take good health for granted and I think I am less concerned about things that don't really matter. My oncologist once said to me,"If I think you are going to die I owe it to you to tell you. Would you really want to go to work if you only had two more weeks to live?" We both chuckled but there was a lot of truth to that. So for me the truth helped me in the fight.

kat in the delta
 

What was that famous French ONC's name?????
just curious ---------------------------kat in the delta

Hi Annmarie,

I watched the view and did so very closely as anything to do with bc
just pushes out everything else. It is not so much what Rosie said
re: stats....she and Barbara Walter both said that it was "Terminal"
that once you have bone cancer you can expect 5-10 yrs.
survival...those were their words.

This to me was annoying...since that is a very scary thing to announce
on National TV especially to newly dx. women who may or may not think
they not only have bc, but will they get or have bone cancer from their
bc. It is just my belief it was way over the top to say and totally not
necessary. I don't think I am over sensitive just senseable...If one of the
woman had bc or was fighting the fight for a loved one they would know
better. Shame that they who have the Media Power do not do a bit
more research before they speak...I just hate the word Terminal....

Going one more step for poor Elizabeth Edwards, it is bad enough she is
being dragged through the Media but to have them say she
is Terminal was not necessary. I paid close attention to the show that
morning....the stats did not bother me at all, (Also I do not pay attention
to stats) since that is just a number for the bean counters. I am flesh
and blood so therefore I would rather just pay attention to the treatment.

That my story and I am sticking to it! :)

jean

Steph,

Well said, Bravo...

Jean

Boy am I torn on this thread!
 

First of all, I don't watch ANY daytime TV as I work (more than) full time. So I don't really know what I'm talking about on this thread, but the discussion has been great!

And EVERYONE who has commented on this thread is absolutely right. We're angry, sad, focused, positive, hopeful, all of it at different times.

I agree, you have to focus on the postive and as StephN said, be forward looking. And keep living your life.

The reality is, at this time metastatic disease is "not curable" but is treatable. This was Mrs. Edwards initial statement about her prognosis, and is exactly what I was told by my rockstar oncologist. At that point, hearing that they were beginning to look at Stage IV bc as a chronic condition that could be managed for a long time was the first HOPE we got. My other hope is that major breakthroughs are just around the corner.

On the other hand, although Rosie or whoever quoted stats was probably quoting accurate stats, they are historical and thus (hopefully!) improving every day. Furthermore, statistics are just that and not a specific prognosis for any individual. There are so many factors influencing this.

That said, I think that the media loves to use words like "terminal" because that makes it so much more dramatic. Like we NEED more drama in our lives! That does a disservice to those who are trying to maintain positive energy in the face of a difficult situation.

Anyway, I'm ramblin on aimlessly, you are all so awesome I thought maybe if I posted on this thread I could be awesome by association!

Chris

WOW Steph...you express yourself so clearly. Thank you for being so open,balanced and honest. I would guess this is just Steph, being Steph...what a blessing you are.

Marcia

life is terminal
 

Sherry,
I was recently diagnosed stage IV and it is frightening. I can't imagine going through this with young children. My girls are grown and I recently married the love of my life after many years in a bad marraige. Two years ago my baby brother went to sleep on his couch and didn't wake up. He was only 35. When he was a baby they told us he probably would not live much past his teens. He had two young children. Last year my stepfather passed away after fighting lung cancer for a year. He had lost two sons within six months the year before. And recently ( right after my diagnosis) my husband's stepson from his previous marraige was hit head on and killed by a driver that had a massive heart attack. Jason was 30 and the other driver was 40.
I guess where I am going with this is that we are going to die of something someday. When I start feeling sorry for myself and I do, I try to remember that I am not promised tomorrow. I have time to come to terms with this and to help my family prepare. With any luck and lots of prayer I hope to have many more years. I know that I have a lot yet to learn about and from this illness and I have had more "@#$% opportunities for growth" than I have ever wanted in my life. But I have found that I am paying a little more attention to the important things in my life and a little less to ambition. I am still very angry about it and when I am very tired I just want to cry.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I know that it is hard.

Leslie

The most important thing is not to give up.
When I discovered cancer I took a moment for me in my room: OK, I said, I will have to fight but I'm not afraid and I don't want the cancer to destroy my life.Every person has a different path on this earth and the path could be long or short: I'm like because, in any case, I know I can not lose my time.

Sandy: I definitely want to see your green shoes!

Chrisy I like what you wrote....
 

We are at one time another up or down, negative or positive and there really is no one right way to feel. I see my diagnosis as two sided, one of the worst things that ever happened to me, and yes, sometimes I feel it has given me opportunity for personal growth. I still would have wished not to go through it. Sherry my prayers go out to you and your family, I understand your sadness.

Taking advantage of every day
 

Cancer has caused such a complex change in me personally and I do believe that it is very important to be as relaxed and positive as possible. In the time since my dx (july 05) there have been so many others in my life that have also been dx; ex-husband, sister in law, brother in law, best friend, best friend's husband, 2nd husband's ex-wife. I feel surrounded by it and forever changed. I dont think blessed is quite the way I think about it, reborn almost. I take everything (non cancer related) easier, I am more mellow and I am more careful about all of my choices (what to eat, how to spend my time, who to spend it with, how i save/spend my money, how i do my job, etc) I am fundamentally a different person. I also live with a level of fear that I often find difficult and have to focus on managing so that the dark clouds dont take over on those days that I know we all have.

Sherry, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My ex-husband also has melanoma (stage 3c).

Hugs,
Patricia

Right on!
 

I agree with everything you say Cathy. I do stay away from negativity and concentrate on the positiveness that Life has to offer.

People do not understand what a BLESSING this disease has been to me.
I appreciate every single moment of my life doing what really inspires me, taking time away from work, enjoying vacation time with my husband and my daughter, cooking -experimenting :)- for my family, etc.etc....(kinda of like to see the look on their faces - they think am crazy, ja ja ja).

I have always been close to my family, but this disease makes it so much more special when I get to visit them. I enjoy every single moment of my life.

I'm not happy...

I AM CONTENT. CONTENT WITH MY LIFE, CONTENT WITH MYSELF.

Thank you for your inspirational note..it's going to stay with me for a long long time...