Do you ever just want to vent?
 

So, I know I should be thankful for many things ~ found BC early, chemo working, supportive hubby, feeling well for the most part (haven't missed a day of work), have lost 15 lbs, kids are great (their lives haven't changed a bit), etc....

I try my best not to complain about anything (don't want to worry kids) and no one wants to hear bitching anyways...but do you ever have "one of those days"? This last week I have gotten SO grumpy from not feeling 100% that a ton of little things are really getting to me - little things at work not functioning, damn rash on hand, fingernail hurts, eye twitching, nothing tastes right, kids can't decide on birthday party ideas, oranges going bad 2 days after buying...and i miss my hair :(

Anyone else have some vents?

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Sure! I've gained 15 plus pounds, lymphedema sucks, my feet kill me when I walk, I just want to get this weight off, hot flashes from the Arimidex, my eyes are still streaming here and there, constant runny nose from the Herceptin, the lymph therapist told me I have to wear my sleeve "all the time" ...

I think we should be able to vent once in awhile and this is the perfect place. I know someome else was asking how we kept from crying. I'll admit it, I cry in the shower All The Time. It is a great stress reliever and I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't do that!

Ca

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Crb,
It is going to be okay. This time last year, I was right in your same spot - felt terrible, couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I missed my hair. The chemos, the doctor appts and all the other crap we go through as breast cancer patients will end sooner than you think, slowly but surely, you will get your life back. And your hair will grow back - also slowly but surely. I am sorry that life seems so overwhelming right now. My best advice - take each day one at a time. It will all get better. You have been at the bottom of the mountain. After going through cancer and chemo, there is nothing you will be afraid of in this life. It is a strange gift that cancer leaves behind - being fearless. Pam

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Thanks Pam! :)

CA

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Thanks Pam! It does feel overwhelming...everything from the foggy brain, appts, feeling like crap, to my messy garage and closet! Sometimes when things are too much, it is just easier to do nothing (ie not clean my closet) and then everything piles up and gets more overwhelming....I was thinking of sticking around at home on Friday (my first day off w/nothing to do...omg!) and just throwing things out....but then again, I may leave it all and go get a massage ;)

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

The massage! Definitely the massage!
And Pam is right. When you're going through hell, keep going. Things get better
Keep the faith

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

I vote for the massage too. :)

Feeling much better this morning, off to my therapy appt. Thank heavens for this forum and all of you!

CA

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

People sometimes forget that we may look ok on the outside but inside we are struggeling, if we don't vent every now and then it can start to have negative effects on us. Vent away!

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

vent away!!! it helps others here feeling the same feelings. you are not alone, sister.

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Venting is healthy. I think I remember years ago, there was lots of venting go on on our site. The fact that you are working full time during treatment, running a household and recuperating in between chemo treaments.....gives your brain almost total overload. Take a break when you can. Vent when you can. Call in sick and sleep in????
You have every right to be frustrated with oranges and children that turn "rotten" after 2 days. This is my attempt at humor. How are your banannas holding up?

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Snolan I was just telling my daughter those exact words today.
Carol Ann I to cry in the showers sometimes just to let it out
Crb venting is great. Because I swear to you reading all these post it's nice to know that I'm not crazy or weak for feeling all these things , that is is the norm for us cancer patients . Thanks for venting it helped me tremendously . I even had my daughter read it so she sees that I'm not crazy lol

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crb,

Read your signature, I'd say at least three times, maybe more, - - you have a lot to be thankful for.

Venting is ok, but count your blessings each and every time you think there's something wrong going on with your life.
Some of us have it much, much harder than you, and there's no turning the clock back.

We just have to survive this disease day in and day out.

Take care,

Adriana

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Oh, you women are the BEST! I feel so much better and now think that my venting is really about silly stuff, but at the time it can be overwhelming and seem really important.

I remember my friend (who went thru this 6 months ago) telling me that mentally the 4th was the hardest, thinking that she couldn't believe she had to go thru this 2 more times, but by the time the 5th was over, then it felt good to know there was only 1 more treatment. So I am coming out of my grumpy fog and feeling better.

Had oncologist appt today and he is happy with everything, but thinks I should cut back at work over the next month. Easier said than done...but I did schedule my massage for tomorrow :)

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I think its the silly stuff that gets ya! Seems like I can handle the big stuff but something small comes along and I fall apart. Maybe its the preverbal straw that broke the camels back who knows! I am reminded of a line from When A Man Loves A Woman - 'Nothing has to happen for me to have a bad day" But....vent when you need to, cry when you want, but don't stay there get back to the laughter and the gratitude as soon as you can and remember you are not alone

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I had a meltdown in the grocery store once and went through the 15 item line with 18 items because i couldnt find capers! I was going to punch the person who counted my items right in the throat too! Luckily no one questioned it and we all lived to tell the tale. Vent away- we've all been there!

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My signature tells my vent. My first TCH-P treatment was 4/17/14. At first it appeared no side effects then harsh reality began on Easter Sunday evening The dreaded "D". Later in the week even with neupogen support my immune system was completely wiped out and I had to be hospitalized. As tough as it has been I am more concerned about being able to complete all the treatments then I am about the side effects. I wasn't saying much but this thread gave me the opportunity to let it go. My Onologist says I am extremely sensitive to the drugs, The bright side is that on physical exam yesterday My Oncologist could no longer feel any breast mass and the previous 2 cm malignant node now manually palpated to be approximately .5 cm. I am praying all results allow me to continue treatment. Chemo kicked my butt and ground me in the dust but it appears the cancer took the worst "lickin". I remain hopeful.

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

I call cancer to the floor everyone once in a while, give it a piece of my mind (sorry, cant reprint here), go in the shower and cry, get out, put my makeup on and get out of the house.

Karen

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Love Carlatta's rebellious stand in the 15 item aisle! You go Girl! I can remember times when I would just be thinking "I dare you to cross me!" Cancer can bring out the feisty side. And we might vent on the nearest victim!
Keep the faith

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I hear you. I am tired of all of it! Starting 12 weeks of THP next week and mad that it wrecks my summer travel plans. Sometimes the words "you are so strong and positive" feel like a burden. I don't feel strong and I am not always positive. Sometimes I feel like the coping is struggling. I don't feel like I am putting on a false front for people but I am considering antidepressants to help me with the overwhelming feeling that I get sometimes. Overall I'm very grateful that I've been weathering my chemo with minimal side effects. I feel confident my decisions. I have a great support systems both at home and at work. But sometimes it just feels like a lot and it's helpful to have someone to vent to whether it's here on the website or close friend that doesn't take it out to the community and you can share with just him or her.
It does feel good to get it out. Take it one day at a time and one treatment time and sometimes we are on an emotional engine sometimes run an emotional high emotional low all the cycles of life seem to be amplifying during this phase and I think that's just part of it. Wish you all the best and thanks for providing a forum for the rest of us to vent

I'm also doing when I can to help I'm getting acupuncture. And I too am starting massage with Reiki once a week to help with the side effects and improve my outlook. Spring and summer should help also!

Lisa

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Lisalou, I'm right there with you ... YES, I am grateful ... we are all grateful ... that isn't the point! This is tough, and being cheery all the time (or feeling like we HAVE to be cheery all the time) IS an extra burden at times.

"Breast cancer culture" can be hardest on the ones dealing with the disease itself at times, I think. Of course the people around us want us to be ok ... and when we vent, it is scary for them! That's why they need the reassurance from us ... our being upbeat reassures THEM.

And I get that, and I'm OK with that! I need to be upbeat for me, too, MOST of the time. But then there are those moments in the grocery store aisle!!

LOL!! And that's ok too!!

We are all doing the best we can. Period. And that's enough, or should be!

CRB, thanks again for starting this thread!

CA

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

What makes it really hard though is when you do have children at home. Two of my children were at home during the time I had treatment (aged 15 and 12 then). They really understand what cancer means and they are watching. I tried really hard to not "transmit" my fears and frustrations because I felt that internally, they also had fears and frustrations too. However, the 15 year old who turned 16 just became so nasty to me. I think her fear took over. Sometimes, you hold back on purpose and that just wants you to vent even more. I got lots of crap like, "don't pick me up in the old minivan and wear your wig". So, I picked her up in the old minivan completely bald. Just so we could have a fight. Pretty bad venting, eh? But much later (2 years ago), she got some disposable cameras she found developed and came over. She showed me the pictures. They were during chemo. She said, "look how sick you looked. You were gray and fragile looking". She said, "you know, during that time, I treated you so rotten. I didn't help with cooking or housework like you asked. I just couldn't believe this was happening. I think that I thought if you could still do it all (I also worked full time), everything was okay and you were just kidding around." She said she was so sorry. I said I was sorry too for picking her up from school bald (we laughed). So, for your children, don't go overboard on the parties because you never know what they are thinking (ie: is she doing this over the top thing because it is the last birthday she will see (its not but they think differently)). Ask again and if you get nothing, plan a simple family event. Get take out or order platters from the grocery store if "family" mean big for you. Be yourself and don't be afraid to rest and vent. The "sick" day sounds good. I did them once every chemo round on the "bad" day. Work understood. Most people couldn't believe I worked but I did my best and nothing slipped. Ughhhhh. I loved the grocery store story too on this thread. I had a similar thing and somebody said something to me. I had stopped at the store coming home from work and had 20 things in the 12 thing checkout. I wore a wig to work. When this guy behind me said something snotty, I took off my wig - right there in front of everybody and said, give me a break! I thought he was going to die! Walk in my shoes sometime 3/4 days after a chemo treatment. Ha - and that's not like me.

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I've been so fortunate -- my son is 17 and I homeschool, and see my signature, I started with surgeries and chemo at the beginning of this school year ... there are days when I've had the chemo, surgery recovery, etc, etc, therapy appts and HE vents because I can't be there all day. Overall though, he has totally stepped up to the plate and worked independently to the max this year, including one course at community college. And yes, like Becky says, there have been times when I've had to tell him I just don't have the energy. I've done my best to have a regular homeschool day every day, but not always, sometimes it just doesn't happen -- and because I've been honest about how I'm feeling, he's felt good about supporting me, and working as much as he can on his own.

Now, if he had been younger ... that would've been a whole lot harder! No question.

Becky I am laughing like crazy about you showing up bald in the van and taking your wig off, etc. I started out wearing a cap all the time, but it just got too uncomfortable. I finally told my husband and son, "I'm bald, deal with it," and I usually don't wear anything on my head unless I go out somewhere. No, not even when company comes over. (The one set of friends we have that regularly visit are used to it now. :))

CA

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Ok here's my venting (feeling sorry for myself) so I can get past it and realize it's all temporary.
This past month...
I took my sister to ortho because she needs a knee replacement.
I've held her hand and tried to reassure her it would go by quicker than she thinks. She works full time and I love her dearly but I began to resent her because I had just had my kidney ablation and we are struggling for insurance approval for new chemo. I developed a hernia that I need to see surgeon for.
I take my parents to Dr. appts because my sister is working and making money. (Oops is that sarcastic?). I took them for normal check ups and podiatry and then spent the rest of the week dealing with my mom who developed shingles and a few days later, my dad who seems to have had a TIA and/or dehydration. It's not that she did nothing and she has been understanding of my situation. We have been juggling home health nursing for mom and shingles and palliative care for dad as dr ordered. We also have caregiver in on Fridays for laundry and showers for dad. But this just sucks because she is now on a vacation for a week. She has worked hard with me to get everything in place but it just sucks. My life is in constant limbo so I'm probably one of the few who would love to be working.
Then I have my kids who run hot and cold. Right now my 25 yr old son lives at home but is working full time and can't afford to move out. He seems to have a chip on his shoulder and reacts to most things I say poorly. My daughter has turned to a pleasant place but has resumed a relationship with a guy we don't like and has not always treated her well. Theirs is a life on a roller coaster. She's 21 and working full time but going to school (unless she changes her mind). She doesn't make a whole lot either.
So I feel I'm back in the dunk tank and can't get to the seat before another ball is thrown and I'm back in the water! On top of it I now have a cold!!! And I probably got it from onc office when chemo was held and I'm still waiting for treatment.
I also realize that family and friends are tired of hearing about me and my treatments but I don't think I make a big deal of things. I've always been strong and try to be honest without making a big deal or having self pity.
I know that this will all pass and we will all go on hopefully in time for me to be able to help support my sister in her surgery. I'm a physical therapist assistant so I have some decent input for her.
My husband has been an angel and listens and helps out where he can.
Don't get me wrong. I love my family dearly and they love me. It's a moment in time and thank you for letting me vent. It feels good to let it out and makes me realize what minor problems I have compared to some people so I will move on with my day and back to laundry.
PS. I have pulled the cancer card a couple of times in public too. And the first time around my daughter, almost 13 at the time, requested I wear a wig and wanted no part in thinking about my baldness.
Wishing you all love and hugs, and many, many thanks,
Cathy

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Yes, Carol Ann, I need to feel upbeat for myself.

Today I had just had enough. I was sick and tired of everything and wanted to quit it all. Chemo, hair loss, rubber legs, not being able to plan ahead for anything, missing my granddaughters softball game, a cyst on my liver (what?), antibiotics for infection in lung...

Hubby sat with me and listened, said the right things and I felt better. The rest of the day wasn't so bad.

Dee

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Your husband is very wise! I remember writhing around on the bed with leg pain and declaring that I was going to quit, this is IT, no more, etc etc. My husband just let me vent because he knew that's what I needed to do. I wasn't going to quit, not really
Keep the faith

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Isn't it true that we women just want to get it all out and then we feel better? I have told hubby multiple times to just LISTEN to me and not try to give me solutions on how to FIX things...LOL

Becky ~ My kids are 15 and 12 as well and seriously laughed out loud about the "minivan and wig" comment! My daughter was not thrilled when I went to the theme park with my bandanna and hat, but I was really worried the wig would fly off on the roller coasters. Figured I wouldn't see anyone we knew there anyway (but we did and thankfully, the mom knew what was going on with me and her kids didn't even notice I had no hair). My kids have been great and very helpful around the house. They are just incredibly indecisive about their birthdays and with my foggy, chemo brain I can't think of anything fun and exciting to do. I'm to the point of just ordering them a pizza, putting candles in it and calling it a day!

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

You can never go wrong with pizza ... :)

CA

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

I might be late to respond. But vent ANY time. Every time my husband takes me to chemo I tell him that he is taking me to the slaughterhouse. They just don't give me enough poison to finish me off. He HATES it when I say that. But I do have a quirky sense of humor. I Hate chemo. Never wanted to do it. But there are three people that I love too dearly, not to do it. My new husband, who lost his wife to BC in 2009; and my two daughters. They really need me around, 16 and nearly 14.

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Lnmum, I can see why your husband might hate that reference, since he has lost someone to BC so recently. He must be feeling very vulnerable himself under the circumstances
The only thing being slaughtered by chemo is cancer! Although we can really feel beaten up by it as well!
Keep your eye of the prize. Or prizes: your dear family
And keep the faith

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I didn't want to do chemo either. Tried to talk doc out of it, but no he didn't agree of course. So I am into it for 6 treatments and nothing I can't manage so far.

I agree with Bonnie. I don't think it is helpful to yourself or family to say that. You are killing the cancer that is trying to kill you. Be thankful we have chemo to cure us.

I think your fear is coming out in your humor. I turned my fear into power to heal. I wear my 'cancer sucks' tee shirt to treatments. Gives everyone a laugh. Also, my 'Chemo Ninja Cancer Assassin' shirt pictured here. See if you can find a way to channel your fear in some action. I am doing a Relay for Life walk in June, get your family involved.

Best wishes to you through a journey we all share in some way.

Dee

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Thanks Bonnie and Dee. I do want to be positive. My husband and family would benefit from that. You both have great insight. Thank you!!!
Hugs,
Loren

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

I have a big venting:
I get really annoyed listening to women who are heathly (no breast cancer or any cancer for that matter) parents are heathly, they have housekeeping help...for the most part what anyone of us would call a "a great life" and all they do is bitch and complain. I have often wanted to say "have you had to endure chemo? Have you had to endure financial hardship due from medical bills. Have you had to drag yourself to work because maybe you just had to or maybe it was best to keep your sanity by doing something normal?

Yup that is my venting....walk a day in the shoes of a breast cancer lady having chemo then tell me your complaints.

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Jean~ I have seen many people over the years that are like that....complain, complain, complain...I rationalize it that they are just miserable people that will never be happy. I am just thankful that I am not married to one or have one for a mother-in-law ;)

Re: Do you ever just want to vent?
 

Jean, although these people are very annoying I feel sorry for them as they are ill prepared to deal with a real hardship. One thing we tried to instill in our children when we were raising them is an attitude of gratitude. "If you are not happy with what you have you won't be happy with what you want. Everyone on this board seems to possess this attitude of gratitude no matter how tough things may be we have hope and thanksgiving in our hearts!

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ELfrost,
So true, the women on this board are amazing with huge hearts and souls.

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Jean~ I hear ya! I'm a school nurse and sometimes the teachers are the biggest whiners! More than the kids...They come to ask for advice/cures ect for minor thinks like itchy eyes from the pollin or posion ivy and say things like " I just can't take it anymore" and "I guess I'll just have to home"....Here I sat most days through my chemo. REALLY! I Just want to scream.. Get a Grip........
Ahhh, Thanks. Feel much better