Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Hi Friends~
Asking for your prayers for my sweet Papa who we've moved to hospice care yesterday.
A year ago he suffered a catastrophic stroke that reduced him from an active university professor who played tennis and swam at the beach here in beautiful Hawaii to not being able to speak, tube feeding, and walking only with assistance. My incredible mother has cared for him tirelessly for this past year,but despite it all he has suffered additional mini stokes and seizures, and now respiratory issues, including pneumonia.
After prayerful deliberation, my mom made the difficult decision to move Dad to hospice. I'm so grateful to be able to be here with my sisters, supporting each other and my Mom and just loving my dad through this transition.
Hospice care has already been so helpful guiding us how to say goodbye and let go. The social worker made a point to tell me that it is important that i tell my dad that i'm going to be okay, and that i will continue fighting. I honestly never in a million years thought that i would survive this disease before losing my parents. But i have to tell him that i'm going to be okay. At east i've been able to share with him my most clean brain scans and I hope that brings him some comfort and peace.
It has been an intense couple of days, and I know the upcoming will be even more so, so I ask all of you for your prayers and strength.
Thanks so much.
Keep the faith~
jml

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

I am so sorry. Sending prayers up...

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Dear Jessica -

Very sorrowful time for you and yours right now. We did speak about your father in San Antonio, and it was clear how much he means to you and the rest of your family.

Your love and constancy will prove good underpinnings as this transition progresses. We were in a similar situation with my much-loved and missed father, so I feel your emotions.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Of course we will keep you and your family in our prayers in this difficult time.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

I am so sorry. Please know that your father feels your love and the love of the rest of the family. God is watching over him and his family.
Hugs !!

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

God bless you all. We will always be our Daddy's little girl...
Keep the faith.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

I add my prayers too.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Dear Jesica,

I am praying for you, your dad and your family. May this time God help you to smooth the pain that you all are going thru..

love

Paty

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Adding my prayers for you and your family. May you have sweet time together.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Oh Jessica, so sorry to hear! I will absolutely pray for your father and for all of your family. I pray you feel comfort and peace during this difficult time. I lost my father a year and 1/2 ago and miss him so, but I rest in knowing he knows no more pain and suffers no more.

Love and blessings to you...

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Prayers for you and your dear father.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,
Your description of your father paints him as a very knowing and loving man. He knows you WILL survive. I will be thinking of you in the coming days.
Warmly,
Karen

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica, my heart goes out to you, and your family is wrapped in loving prayers.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

So sorry for all you and your family are going through right now. It's so hard to say good bye. God Bless each of you with Peace and may your last days together hold some very special blessings.

Love and hugs...

Mary Jo

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,

We will be praying for your Dad, your family and you. Be sure to take good care of yourself during this trying time.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

My heart is sadden for you also. Gods blessings to you and your father. Please know you and your family are in my prayers.

My father's COPD is catching up with him. He had been in the hospital for a month and home now for 2 weeks. While in the hospital my Sister said my Dad told her he was only trying so hard because of me, if he gives up I might. I never talked to him about it because I'm afraid he will stop fighting. reading your post has made me think who am I to decide how long he should fight?

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica
Keeping you and your entire family wrapped in prayers, it is never easy to say goodbye to our parents....hospice made it much easier losing my Mom....he will forever be in your spirit as my Mom is with me. Sending a hug and much love

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

jml,

I am praying for your father, you, and your family.

Amelia

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

jml, Saying a prayer for your father and your family as well.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

All our best thoughts prayers and hope for your family.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

JML, hospice is a wonderful group.
I had them for both my Mother and Father.
I will of course keep your Father in my prayers.
Will also pray for additional strength for you, your Mother and family during this most heartfelt time.

hugs,
Jean

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,

We just lost my father in January. The hospice care givers were wonderful and he died at home as he wished. It was a difficult year and I am only now beginning to mourn my loss such was the intense involvement in caring for him and Mom. Now she is alone and my family is very involved in her care as she had a stoke nearly 8 years ago. Mom is a trouper and we go on without Pop, but feel we did our best in helping him to die.

Remember, Jessica, NO GUILT. Everyone who embraces Hospice care wonders if they made the correct decision. KNOW that you have under the circumstances faced. You are a wonderful, brave, loving daughter and I know your father is as proud and trusting of you as my father was of me.

Bless you.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

you have my prayers as well
hugs and love
sarah

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica, Thinking of you and your father...they are so special, aren't they....prayers, Ceesun

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Thank you everyone for your chorus of voices. Thank you for sharing you experiences.
Hospice really is wonderful, but it can be a rollercoaster. I'm going through a bit of a confusing time because Pop has been more alert since moving to hospice.He's not been able to speak since the original stroke last year, but for 6 months he was still able to interact with us, even mobile with assistance. Then after seizures & mini strokes in December, that really knocked him down to completely bedridden, non communicative, rarely opening his eyes.It was respiratory issues & pneumonia last week that brought him to the hospital again & ultimately the decision to move to hospice.
Now in hospice he opens his eyes, looks around, responds to the sound of voices and touch. The doctor & social worker reassure us that these are not signs of him getting better, it's part of the process, especially now that he's off all meds. And we all know there is no treatment out there for him that will heal him and return him to the life he would want.
I feel so confused about not wanting him to linger and suffer, yet not wanting him to go, because once he's gone, he's gone forever.
So now we just surround him with love, even laughter,reassure him that we will all be okay, that we will take care of each other, and that I will continue to fight.
Thank you again,friends for you love,prayers & support.
Aloha & God bless~
Jml

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica - So sorry to read about your dad.m Prayers for him and your family. Pam

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Your dad and you are in my Prayers, Jml..

-hugs,
shobha

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,
Your Dad sounds like an amazing man. Not just for his professional accomplishments, but for the love he clearly shares with a beautiful daughter and family. Your love for him is in every word of your post.
I have lived through the hospice experience with both of my parents now, and I truly believe that each of them "hung on" until they were sufficiently convinced that we would be okay, and would take care of each other.

I hope your Dad is able to find peace and comfort as he prepares to go Home to God. You, and your family will be in my prayers.

Denise

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family.
He will never be gone forever, he will live in your hearts.
Emelie

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,

Thinking of you and your family.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,

Even more so now, this confirms what a blessing it was to be your roomie in San Antonio at SABCS. The stories you told me about your father, as we chatted into the wee hours, made him become so real to me. Getting to know you was like getting to know your Dad, because he lives in you and you are WONDERFUL!! I am sorry that I will never get to know him in person.

I empathize with your confusion in the weeks ahead. I felt the same way in 1999 as I drove to Houston to be with my Mom on what turned out to be her last night on earth. I wanted to pray, but I didn't know what to pray for. On one hand, I didn't want to pray for her to die - what child in their right mind would pray for something like that. I wanted her to live forever . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On the other hand, how could I pray for her to live when I knew she would never want to continue living in her current state of health. She had told me that many times, it was why she had a living will. Before I left town I stopped to speak with my Pastor and he gave me wonderful advice. On the 3 hour drive to see her I did not pray for her to get better, nor did I pray for God to take her quickly to end her suffering. Instead, I prayed all the way for that peace which passes all understanding that only God can give. Thank goodness God answered my prayers. Around 4 a.m. she became unusually alert and recognized me. She asked me, a little scared, "Am I going to be alright?" I was able to answer her honestly - "Yes Mom, you are going to be alright". Those were the last words she spoke, and she died peacefully 3 hours later.

Life is not fair, and times like this it is so hard to understand why someone as wonderful as your Dad could have been stricken like this. I pray for peace for you and your loved ones. You remain in my prayers.

~Alice

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica, My prayers go out to your father. You are a good daughter and sister. Joan

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

oh Jessica you have my prayers from accross the pound. My eye watered that you have to deal with this now. At the same time I remember a chinese quote that said what is happiness "you parents dies you die and your children die" to which the learner answered "how is that happiness?" to which the answered was " they die in that order". I hope that you undertsnad what I mean I am just trying to soften the terrible blow. Much love to you and your family

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

I am sending prayers up for your family, especially your father and you....

Papa passed on Saturday,4/14:(Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

I can't tell you how helpful your voices of prayers, compassion, tenderness have helped me and my family get through this heartbreaking time.
The hospice counselors and doctors were gentle and caring with all of us, especially my mom who felt helpless after a year of doing all his care, then suddenly leaving it all to the rn's & cna's- she felt so empty-handed.
We sat with him daily &my mom stayed overnights. He lasted in hospice for 12 days, much longer than they estimated when we arrived, but my Dad was a strong, stubborn,tough man! I would just sit with him, reading a book while he slept & holding his hand under his blanket. He would even reflexively squeeze every so often.
The last 36 hours were the most difficult. Just watching him, fearing the 'worst' and not knowing what to pray for him-just like alicem said, only that there would be no fear, that we would all be okay and would take care of each other and that all that existed was Love. I prayed the rosary every day with him, and since it was a Catholic hospice we has numerous visits from priests and nuns, for
anointing and communion. It was very comforting to me.
In his last moments, my sisters and I surrounded his bed, each holding his
hands, with my other sister's hand on his heart, while my mom kissed his
face, whispered in his ear and smoothed his hair.Sadly my oldest sister who had been here earlier in the week had already to returned LA to be with her
kids & husband & wasn't able to be with us. But we told him how much she loved him- I know she's so sad not to have been with us.
My mom & sisters tell me his last breaths were very gentle and peaceful-my head was buried, sobbing in his hand, but am glad to know there was peace at
the end.
After this experience with my Dad I thought I would have a better sense & comfort with my own mortaliy - dealing with my stage iv disease for~10yrs, 200+ rounds of chemo, running out of options & hoping and praying for pertuzamab & tdm1 to quickly come to market, but I'm still feeling confused. All I do know is I have to keep fighting like crazy because I can't bear the thought of my family enduring more sadness right now.
I don't want to think about myself right now- I just want to celebrate his life at his service next week, with friends, family, his university colleagues and students who adored him.
Thank you again for all your kind words, prayers and encouragement. Your friendships are invaluable to me.
God bless & Aloha~
Jessica

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Peace be with you, my dear girl. I am sure this is what your father was thinking, whether he could say it or not.

I also was not at the hospital when my father passed, but he was already in a coma and I had spoken with him a lot earlier. The sense of loss is so great when you have a wonderful father who was the strength of the family.

Remember to save some energy now for your own healing.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica
My deepest sympathy to you and your family...it is difficult to lose a parent, they are our stronghold, our protector...so glad you were with your Dad...I remember my Mom waited for my Dad to kiss her good morning, and tell her he loved her, like he did every morning...then she took her last breath. Stay strong for your Mom, she needs you now more than ever...please take care of yourself too.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your father. My sincere condolences to you and your family.

Laurel

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

Jessica,

So sorry for the passing of your dad. Our deepest condolence to you and your family.

Re: Prayers for my sweet father in hospice~
 

You have our deepest sympathy,our prayers for your families strength and prayers for your healing.
Lorraine