Not One Of Would Purposely Create Ca
 

But understanding, and becoming aware of, the nature of the psychosomatic process, is more than edifying. It is empowering. We can't help what occured for whatever reason. But we can help with knowledge and awareness of the power of our thoughts -- to our great benefit! That is the point.

I lived most of my life on Long Island where the predominance of bc is the worst in the entire country. They wonder -- is the something in the water, in the pesticides (my house was built on a one time potato field) as were many others. Dix Hills was largely farmland. North Shore Hosp and many other agencies are investigating these and other possibilities for well over a decade, w/still now specifid conclusions. There is nothing I could do but filter my water, watch what I ate (low fats and carbs and red meat) and pray from time to time. Of course, I assumed bc, though dreaded beyond words and congnizant of the awful statistics, no matter where you lived, would happen -- to someone else. You never truly imagine it, or any great tragedy could happen to you. YOUR house wouldn't burn down. You would never personally experience kidnapping or the like.

But as I was living with a smile on my face, a genuine expression of my Spirit, I felt clinically depressed, struggling to make sense of my traumatic childhood and somehow fix it. I was wounded but didn't get that. I was angry, blaming, resentful, unforgiving, mad as hell. But bc helped lead me to the answers to finding joy and peace.

Even as I discovered that my thoughts were creating my agonizing, immobilizing back pain -- I never felt guilty! I had no idea there could be such a connection. Even w/structural malformation and visible MRI disc impingement. I felt no shame or blame there. WHAT I FELT IMMEDIATELY WAS WOW -- WE HAVE BEEN GRANTED SO MUCH POWER! My head reeled with the possible applications of this Secret of the Universe.

Dr. Sarno told me that studies had been done on people w/the same narrowing of the spine (which is natural w/age) and w/bulging, intruding discs -- WHO HAD "NO" PAIN. Really? He cited these various studies w/specificity. Amazing. Okay my malfunction and bulging L4 and 5, etc. doesn't necessarily cause the pain. So where is it coming from?

The pain decreases when we allow ourselves to more fully feel our sadness or grief or anger, etc., Sarno explained. I tended to suppress my outrage, as I'd learned to do as a child of a father who could not tolerate seeing me cry or look sad. In fact, studies show that if you smile, you begin to release the same chemicals that come from naturally smiling. I had adopted a natural, perpetual smile as it made me feel better and made others respond so wonderfully. Smiling, and laughter, increase our sense of well-being. So I use my sense of humor at all times, in the oddest of places, it just pops up. I do not like movies w/violence (which are truly difficult to avoid these days), but seek movies that I can learn something from (Waitress) and that make me laugh (Little Miss Sunshine). We are all dysfunctional, in varying degrees. There is no NORMAL.

Watching my mother's long death, Alzheimer's, inability to speak, understand, read or write, play cards, have a conversation and then her paralysis as diff brain parts were dying off -- was indescribably painful for me. It began in the late '80s (her late 60s). Ihad round the clock nurses for her for as long as I could afford to. We had a hoya lift to transfer her from bed to wheelchair. I managed a mini hospital staff. I marketed for her. I paid her bills. I grieved for her. (I wrote her eulogy 5 yrs before she died, as I started to forget the person she was, first writing avid reader, up on everything, volunteer all her life. Then the words became sentences and they became paragraphs.) My mother would stare into space blankly. I was caring for the shell of my mother as best I could. I hired ambulettes to transport my mom to doc offices as the nurse and I could not manage this alone.

Paul and I searched for Geriatric Care facility. She was not a candidate for assisted living. We were on a waiting list, expecting the call any minute and knowing we had 24 hrs to move her in or we'd lose our spot. Ev time the phone rang my heart leapt. I had hr packed and ready. One the day she went into the home, I "decorated" her room as cheerily as I could w/items I'd bought and saved. I put up a bulletin board I had made at the frame stare and pics I collected of her as a child, a beautiful young woman, w/my father who was long gone, pics of me and my sister as children and present, and the grandkids, pics of her parents -- all to hopefully remind her and give her a sense of being surrounded by love. It hung on the wall facing my mom's bed. An added perk to this was that the nurses had a sudden knowing of the woman who was now a shell. She was such a beauty. Those pictures. Wow. I can see her. They would ask me who was who and then review this w/my mom in my absence. Sometimes she'd smile back.

But the toll that took on me (from the late 80s to 01) was beyond mammoth. I was dx in '95. I never told my own mother I had bc. She wouldn't understand and if she did, it would gravely upset her. There was nothing she could do, but I felt, how could such a profound event take place in my life and me never mention it to her. I'd discuss my dghtrs and husb and the events of the day, prattling on. Surely the psychological impact of that horrendous ordeal for her, and more for me to watch, as she seemed not to know, had to contrib to disarming my imm sys. Not my fault. Just life happening. No blame, no anger, no resentment.

But had I known of the potential physical toll of my emotional upheaval I would have been better armed, to vent more, to find a peaceful place midst the turmoil of it all. I had a thousand pounds on both my shoulders of responsibility. (My sister was having her own family problems and therefore I was The One, it all fell to me, as if I were an only child.) I wanted to call my brother! But I never had a brother!!

Waves of sadness swept through me. There is no hope for a person in my mother's position at that time. My prayers turned to pleading w/God to release her from this tragedy and let her go in peace to a better place. I prayed ev time I left my mom, unable to feed or bathe herself. I thought I was dealing w/it, but now in retrospect -- not so well. Packing up her apartment and disposing of all contents in one way or another was so painful. My dghtr Ali helped me w/the papers. I couldn't focus on what needed to be saved and what could be tossed.I was disposing of her belongings as if she had passed on, but she was still alive. I felt I was intruding, peeking into drawers and crannies.

Surely I am not a self-destructive person. Never thought such a thing. I have been a survivor since childhood. That is how I have always seen myself. I do not see you or any one who has ever faced this dasterdly disease as bringing it on themselves. That is absurd.

Let us all do as Adriana says. She is much like me in so many ways. Long time survivors who have no intention of doing otherwise. I don't believe we were just LUCKY. Nor does UCLA, or many places of prestigious med research done on our behalf. Let us all add our personal experiences and best guesses and share our readings with one another to better understand the bc conundrum and try to get a better handle on it.

Please, ladies, don't any one of you feel an iota of guilt, blame or shame. That is totally unfounded. We are all here unwillingly but here all the same. Let us put our heads together and offer our heartfelt thoughts. Let us network our collected info (beyond the med percentages). INSTEAD LET US STRIVE TO ALTER THOSE PERCENTAGES -- TO OUR ADVANTAGE!

Andi and Grace
 

Who could possibly feel that Andi was blaming anyone for their cancer. The anger I read in many of these messages, as well as guilt and unforgiveness astouds me, Which brings me back to what Andi was trying to say. No One intentionally created their cancer.....but unresolved issues, trauma, unforgiveness of others, blame, etc, as well as environmental issues, diet, etc do have a part in our cancer, just as chemo has had a part in resolving some or all of it. Please reach out to one another and love each other. Forgive those around you if you ask for forgiveness for your own acts. Don't ask for forgiveness if you can't forgive ( a message from God) And Grace, your message is filled with hope and a positive attitude. Railing against injustice is about the most positive thing I can think of......LOve to you all, Vickie

Vicki, Irene And Believe 51
 

Bless your hearts. And your lives. Your words of understanding mean the world to me. That you get my intent loud and clear is wonderful. Your spirit jumps off the page and touches me profoundly. Thank you so much for your kindness and loving natues. I cherish them. Sending hugs and kisses... ANDI

I read the original long message and all follow-up replies with a heavy heart. My life long philosophy is never to give advice on religion issues, since it is purely a personal choice. The theory that mind-set and physical illness could merge is a similar debatable topic and borderlines on religion. Therefore, I shall not give any comment on this issue.

I do sympathize with the author in regard to her difficult and long journey, from caring her mother to her own bc. To have strength to go through these difficulties took a great deal of perseverence and courage. Her use of determination provided the basic elements to heal the body and lift the spirit.

The most important issue here is the intent. I am sure the author meant no ill and she has repeatedly claimed her love for all of us. Her good will intent is enough for me and I sincerely wish all the best.

Ann
 

I appreciate your comments. I too do not discuss politics or religion as these are HOT TOPICS. I see Spirituality as beyond any one religion. We are all human beings worthy of dignity and respect. Actually I see us all as spiritual beings on a human journey. We are all bonded, regardless of religion, creed, ethnicity, etc. I see us all as one. And surely all bc patients are Soul Sisters, knowing beyond any one else's ability to grasp what this scary journey is all about and how it demands our constant vigilance. So the passionate reactions and the radiant glowing Spiritual responses were surprising. I have been counselling friends of friends who are sent to me for over a decade. Never had I recvd such negativity.

I appreciate your recognition of my ordeal w/my mother. I now see how enormously more stressed I was than I admitted to while persevering through her struggle which became mine of course. Then came the bc and from my reading, I see a correlation to compromising my own imm sys, unintentionally, and becoming ripe for bc. Not that I need a reason for getting bc. Because I have so very many wonderful reasons that came from the bc. That is what I choose to focus on. My Spiritual path was ignited, the lessons and messages and Secrets of Universe have illuminated my life. As one lovely lady on this board said earlier (which I knew for sure if it was Mary Anne) -- "In the very blackness of the night a light so bright and warm covers me with blankets of love". That, in the end, is what I wish for every "being" dx with ca. We can become BITTER or we can become BETTER. The choice is ours. The difference of one little letter makes all the difference in the world.

Wishing you all a safe journey through this unique fight. May you come out more than you were before, with expanded awareness and deeper meaning in all of Life. Much love always... ANDI

I app

The world is not flat
 

The brave explorers who took heart and sailed in crowded wooden boats onto wild and vast seas have always held a special fascination for me. Why would someone leave the comforts of their known land and set sail outside the known world? I was recently reading the life of St. Brendan, the Irish chronicalist of 1500 years ago. He and a small group of Christian monks made a small craft and it is said they actually made it across the Atlantic to America and BACK! Not once, but twice. This is well before Christopher Columbus.

Somehow he was called to take this voyage. He seems to have had no choice, nor did he even WANT a choice. His voyages were taken as a way to know God. This "voyaging" is how I have come to see my fight with my cancer. Many dragons and sea monsters have been encountered to tame along the way, but seem able to do this so far. They are near, but do not threaten.

An unseen hand seems to guide and comfort me, keeping the periodic freakouts to a minimum. Accepting this disease as another life partner has been key in my type of battle.

Perhaps this is my way of using my energy as a healing force, even though I may be a bit selfish with it, getting less involved in the social pressures and problems of our times.

Learning from all here how you fight (and, yes, die) has been a way of keeping me afloat. There is so much valuable input that includes and goes beyond our individual attitudes. Keep it coming ... "with Love, from me to you."

As one not ready to give up my ship, I enjoy the wisdom shared, both ancient and modern.

Vickie
 

AMEN TO EVERY WORD YOU WROTE. You totally get it. Good for you. And I really mean good for you, for in the end that awareness and wisdom will serve you and your health well. God bless you for your open-mindedness and your open-heartedness. First seek to understand, then to be understood. First seek to forgive, than ask for forgiveness. That's what Spirituality is all about. (I think that's from St. Francis of Assis). Sending much loving energy to all, as always... ANDI

Steph
 

As always, your words are prose. Your depth of comprehension is quite riveting. You should write a book with your talent for expressing yourself. And BTW, you said what I feel with each new day, only far more poetically. Always love your posts, and your most special Spirit! With love ... ANDI

For Vicki, Andi, et al.
 

Thanks Vicki and Andi. I wrote my post, hoping to get a laugh, and lightened up what I thought was getting to be a sticky post. I'm always positive, mainly that everyone else is wrong and I'm right (my husband just said "amen" to that). Anyway, whatever we believe, we're all in this together, and fingers crossed, we'll all come out of it together.

So let's rail at the world that hasn't yet found a cure and not at each other.

Grace
 

YOU'RE FAST BECOMING ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. I love her humor. And am relieved that you're always positive -- that every one else is wrong. When I saw the movie Broadcast News, Holly Hunter was told, It must be terrible to always be right. She sniffed a bit and said, Yes. It is. And I totally related! Ashamed to say. But I do love it when my husb admits he was wrong (both times in 41 yrs). Still stubbornly sending loving energy to all... ANDI

Sometimes I think back on what could have caused this cancer in me. I was in tip top shape when I got it, best cardio shape in my life. Then I think back to all the days that I got myself in total fits of rage and stress over stupid things that meant nothing. I would literally shake with rage sometimes. I don't know if this stress I put myself through contributed to my cancer, but sometimes I wonder. I now try to control the stress, I don't get angry and worked up near as much. I do have my days but I try to stop them. I have started to let my healthy husband handle all the "dirty" work in our family. I was always the first to jump on the phone and chew someone out for some injustice..now he takes care of the problems..i like it that way. But as far as positive attitude. I am and have always been a glass half empty person. Every time I go get a scan, I just figure this is the one where it's going to be more bad news. My Oncologist always tells me that I am his first stage IV breast cancer patient that has gone this long without having to get back on chemo and tells me how good I am doing. I always laugh and tell him because it's because of my "positive attitude"..lol. Although i do find that I gain so much strength and positivity from God and praying. I like to go skinny dipping in our pool very very late at night. I will just float there, look at the stars and talk to God. I thank him for everything and pray for others. This somehow grounds me and gives me peace and strength. When I look at all those lovely stars above me, I know there's something more out there, I feel free. So I guess we all do what we have to to find strength. I don't find it productive in trying to figure out why I got Cancer, it's done and over with now..I just have to live with it...sherry

Recognizing Our Stress Buttons
 

Hi Sherry! It is so good that you see how you could improve yr QOL by consciously choosing to stop old patterns. You are evolving, as we are each meant to do. Each day I strive to become more grounded, while being alert to the worries and stresses that give me the willys and in turn make me snippy at the very least. I can see now how our thoughts are linked to our phsyicality as well as our emotions = how we feel.

I have to leave at 6:45 AM this Thurs for my mammog. Now I was alw anxious before mammog (10 yrs before bc dx) and would sit in the waiting rm w/the other women and sense their energy, which in some ways worsened my own, and also had the effect of calming me, as I felt I was not alone on w/this angst and anxiety. We all call out to one another as ea was called in -- Good luck! We'd make fast friends. I have Vit H the following Thurs along w/onc visit (which I now do ev 3 mnths) used to see him ev single time, then once a mnth, now a graduate. Still I have a list of questions (much derived from this incredibly wonderful and well-informed board). The last Thurs this mnth I have what have become my ev 6 mnth CT scans (which is scary territory after moving from ev 8 wks to ev 3 mnths to ev 4 mnths for so many yrs). I am talking to myself a lot as of yesterday. My husb is going through shingles and his suffering his impacting me gravely. I can't wait for him to get better (it's been 2 wks of 24/7 pain for him). I wish this for him, naturally. And I, selfishly, wish it for myself, as I can't take it, watching him in such agony all day and all night. Looking grey, usually tanned from 3 days of golf a wk, hunched over, face drooping, mouth gnarled. So the energy in this house is percolating and I am busy trying to keep a lid on everything. It's a full time job, which it is alw is but now w/added stresses the mountain I have to climb lks a lot taller than usual. But acknowledging our feelings is the first step in recovery! Like alcoholics. I am a bc Survivor, and pray w/ev day that I will stay there. Tests taunt me as I explain to myself that this will just be another way to verify my wellness. I refuse to say this one is going to be it -- when the other shoe drops. I won't put that energy out there. The best I can do for myself is stay positive, I am sure everything will be fine, but I'm just a tad anxiety-ridden, admittedly. That's normal. It's a part of being human. And then I try to connect to what is the basic spiritual composition of the True Me.

Good idea for yr healthy husb to do the dirty work! I was lucky in this way as Paul, who felt helpless w/my bc found a outlet in taking care of the bills, the insur co., following up on promising new treatments he googled. This let me be free to focus on HEALING and attaining wellness.

Yesterday, in a rare situation, I followed up on the Bloomies bill. Paul alw gives it to me as all charges are mine, to make sure there aren't mistakes. I caught a double billing for my beloved old foundation. So I called the question it a wk ago. I had the bill in hand and went over and over, knowing I was right. I wrote the woman's name down, the date and time I spoke w/her. It'll prob take 2 or more billing cycles for the mistake to be rectified. Annoying, but thank you very much. Paul kept the bill aside as a reminder. Then yesterday we got a letter saying I must call to give more info. Paul said ignore it, but I couldn't. $52.50 is a lot of $, better in my pocket, where it belongs. Of course you start off speaking to a machine and then prompting and prompting, punching in your acct # and the last 4 digits of yr social. Then the voice says sorry didn't get that right. Please do again. This time I tk the VOICE route. Still a prob. So now I hold waiting for a real person. When she finally gets on I KNOW she is going to ask, as is common, for the exact same info I have alr provided. And she did. I was a bit snippy, perplexed by the dumb process. Why do they ask, to pull up my info and then re-ask. Any way she said the charge was right. I said wrong. She was patient and went over it again. I began to be patient, certain I was right, yet exasperated by my inability to communicate this. Then she asked how I purchased the item. This jogged a memory. I'd called to make sure they had the exact name of my color, which they often do not. She had 1. She'd put it behind the counter. What's yr name? When you come in, if I'm not here, tell them it's behind the cntr w/yr name on it. And that's precisely what happened. And then I was charged, seeing no receipt in the bag. This Carin (I alw ask for their name and use it) said that in order to hold it for a cust they auto charge it. So prob I was charged 5/2 and then charged again when I came in and used a diff salesp on 5/3. I calmed down. We started to chat and laugh. I love this founda (Alexanadra DeMarkoff and have used it for over 20 yrs and alw pray it won't be discontinued as so many things you come to love are). Carin related and we shared stories and had a lovely time. I have learned not to badger and berate as that gets us no where fast. I try to alw be a lady, polite, but firm. Anger is counter-productive and eats at our core, which is so very unhealthy.

I love yr skinny dipping story. We all need more skinny dipping and staring at the awesome sky lit up w/all those infinite # of stars and galaxies. We, the Earth, are so infinistessimal in the vast Universe. We are a tiny golf ball. A pimple. Making awesome spiritual connections blisses us out, offers us a sense of harmony and being one w/the Universe and all its' beautiful creations. We are ea unique beings. Such moments make us smile, and make our hearts smile. They are very theapeutic and healing. I wish everyone of my Soul Sisters more skinny dipping, dolphin sightings, Yosemite remembrances... Sending loving and healing energy always, ANDI in Boca

blame?
 

This sounds a lot like self-blame to me. HavahJ

Not About Blame! All About Empowerment!
 

Havah, This Universal religion if you will called Spirituality makes us see our Oneness w/each other. It is not about blaming ourselves for unconsciously creating physical reactions to our psychological internal dialogue. It is not about the bad news, but rather THE GOOD NEWS. We are are so much more powerful than we ever thought. We have been blessed w/a birthright to enable us to continue to create ourselves and the world. Not a blame game. We are not victims, though we all have days we feel as such. We are proud, strong, brave, determined warriors on a path to gathering as much info and pathways to healing. Traditional medicine, spirituality, supplements, diet, exercise it all counters in to the mix. Some of us have nastier genetics to overcome. All of us are fighting for our lives, even those who reach a stable NED place. We all feel we must keep our footing, work at stay well the best we can, doing our very best on a consistent basis. That's quite a challenge. And we want to do it with as much grace as we can muster. With love in our hearts, as we are touched by so many loving Souls. With compassion, the genuine desire to understand, to share and communicate our experience for the betterment of us all. We must see our many blessings and be deeply grateful for all we have, not focusing on what we have lost. This is the foundation of a happy, harmonious and healthy Spirit. I wish you all that and more... ANDI

either/or?
 

I have been doing a lot of reading on the mind-body connection. I am often skeptical. My degrees are in the field of biology so I look at the research with a cynical eye. But this applies as well to allopathic medicine. When I look at research conducted these days my first thought is "who benefits". I appear to be benefitting from the therapy I am recieving. Although, I don't know that the prayer and the "directed thinking" that I have concentrated on might not have influenced my outcome so far.

I am disapointed in my oncologist's total lack of interest in anything outside of the various drugs he is giving me. The clinic where I recieve my treatment is definitely benefiting as well as the giant pharmacology companies. Research is going to follow the money, with rare exceptions. That said, I am not talking about positive thinking. If I were standing on the deck of the Titanic and the lifeboats were gone, I don't think that being happy would be a solution. I was diagnosed with stage four cancer with liver mets in Feb. After two months of treatment, a PET scan showed no evidence of disease. My oncologist was surprised. This is not what he expected. Me either.

I have been reading quantum physics on an elementary level. And it leaves me filled with awe. Everything is so beautifully interconnected. I do believe that we influence how our bodies respond to illness. What I meant earlier in this post by directed thinking was that I meditated on my immune system, on the healing power of my own body. I visualized the cancer cells dying. I can't prove that it made any difference at all. But I can't prove that it didn't.

Obviously, there are many factors involved in the onset of cancer. Genetics ( as far as the breast cancer gene) accounts for only a small percentage of cases. Environmental insults from chemicals such as dioxins play a role. Viruses may also have an impact. But none of this disproves the theory that our emotions or thoughts or life experiences may affect our immune system or any of our autonomic systems,for that matter. How our body reponds to the cancer cells is obviously not under our conscious control. But that does not mean that it not affected by stress, etc.

There are scientific studies that suggest a strong connection between emotions and illness. It is erroneous to declare that it is an opinion with no basis in fact. I've included sites that address these issues.

http://www.psycho-oncology.net/abstracts.html

http://womensmindbodyhealth.info/science32.htm

http://www.scirus.com/srsapp/search?...=web&g=s&t=all

http://www.infinityinst.com/articles...mmunology.html

http://www.scirus.com/srsapp/search?...nom&ds=web&g=s

My thoughts on the matter are that both points of view are valid, with the understanding that it is not a matter of blame if you get sick or don't get well. No amount of thinking, positive or otherwise will keep us alive in this body forever. No amount of happy thoughts will console us when we lose people we care about. For some of us, it is important to feel that we can be proactive. That there is something we can do. It makes me feel less like a victim. We may not be able to heal ourselves but I think that to discount the mind-body connection is dangerous. The benefits may not be lifesaving but they can be life enhancing.

Leslie

P.S. The picture I have included with my profile is a painting I was just finishing when I was diagnosed. Phoenix rising.

Like A Phoenix Rising
 

Hi Leslie, It is most impressive to find a woman with a biologist's mind (and degrees to prove it) who is into quantim physics (on any level) and has such a spiritual outlook! It is a joy to meet you! You speak of awe. Einstein said that "what is so incomprehnsible about the Universe is that it is so incomprehensible" , so incredibly and precisely designed. He believed their had to be an Intelligence at work.

The NY onc/hematol/nutritional expert I have been blessed to come to know (wrote HEALING ESSENCE -- Dr. Mitchell Gaynor) believes in a holistic approach. He has classes teaching meditation and guided imagery. He's quite zen, for an all American boy. Kodansha America, Inc. publishing in Ny, NY. Most worthy of your attention. I found his bk life-altering! Also, just must add FIGHTING CANCER by Richard Bloch (of H & R Bloch) is FREE for a phone call -- 1 - 800 - 433 - 0464 -- chronicling his story of lung ca, 3 mnths to live. 20 odd yrs later he was still alive, using highly aggressive chemo he asked for, visualization, positive thinking and love for his wife Annette. It is
quite compelling.

If I were on the Titanic as it was sinking w/no life boats around, I suspect I'd feel much like a 4th stage ILC patient w/2 nodes involved. Thinking happy thoughts would be most inappropriate. I would call upon the Universe, seeking to draw strength and miracles to sustain me. The heroine of the movie had the love the the young man and an unhinged door that came floating by to save her. I watched a woman being interviewed on HBO. She was Russian, a SURVIVOR after terrorists attacked a theater in that country yrs ago. The authorities pumped a gas into the theater, after a long stand off and many threats, all inside succumbed, passing out, vomiting, some choking to death on their own vomit. This woman was one of a handful who survived. (The police had not thought their plan out, and did not have the remedy handy for the captives.) WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE??? She looked away from the interviewer, her eyes darting about as she investigated her thoughts. In a heavy Russian accent, she proclaimed, with much passion -- I COMMANDED my body to survive!!!! I had goose bumps. And I never forgot it. So when I was dx I too commanded my body to survive, with absolute impassioned determination and conviction.

After the horrific tsunami a few yrs ago, I watched a model who was vacationing there and had survived. This was some 9 mnths later. Her companion perished. She clung to a tree for 9 hrs as I recall, w/what turned out to be a brkn pelvis, ribs and such from the heavy debris crashing over her again and again. 9 hrs of refusing to let go. She was not thinking happy thoughts, for sure. She was drawing upon the energy of the Universe to enable her to withstand the unthinkable onslaught. Her will was strong, bolstered by her spiritual connection.

Leslie -- your painting is remarkable. Beautiful. Inspiring. I will carry the image with me always. As the sun dies in flames each day as it sets in a magnificent display of artistry and emerges again w/ea morning. The phoenix rises from the fire and ashes and has a spiritual rebirth, renewed and reinvigorated. That is what I wish for ev Warrior Woman among these posts. May we ea find the fortitude to withstand the 9 hrs of our clinging to a tree midst the Chaos of Life, and to emerge stronger, wiser, braver and forever changed in marvelous ways. With my loving wishes... ANDI

Your Spirit Is The Master, Imagination The Tool
 

One of Leslie's post links has electrified me. DON'T MISS IT! I'm wading my way through her list slowly and eagerly. This site is from The Academy for Guided Imagery, located in Malibu, California. It mentions a book called Healing Yourself, by Dr. Martin Rossman. "Imagery is the natural language of the unconscious, going to the heart and bypassing words". It speaks of the fact that your body has an incredible natural ability to heal. Our goal is to harness that power. To learn about it and access it.

http://womensmindbodyhealth.info/science32.htm

"The Spirit is the master; imagination the tool, and the body the plastic material...the power of the imagination is a great factor in medicine. It may produce diseases in man and in animals, and it may cure them...Ills of the body may be cured by physical remedy or by the power of the Spirit acting through the Soul." Paracelsus, Father of Modern Medicine

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Sending healing energy to all... ANDI

Andi and Leslie and all,

Your posts are so wonderful to wake up to, a cup of tea in my hand, the sun peeking throught the Cypress, and deer playing in the hills beyond.

I think of E.E. Cummings and his quote when I think of you all...."To be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human can fight....and never stop fighting"

Thank you for lifting us all up by making us think, by making us discover new trails...for we should not go where the path may lead, we should go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.....

Today is so breathtakingly beautiful and filled with the strains of classically moving music sung by the wind, orchestrated by the rustle of golden leaves, penned in the silver ink of human love.

I cherish all of you brave and bold and lovely women.

Never forget that All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident

My love reaches out to you . Love, Vickie

I don't feel very enlightened today. I have been tired and irritable all day. I don't know if it is the anemia or the shot they gave me for it but I have been tired. For some reason I am getting phone numbers wrong and I am typing worse than normal.

I may just be tired. My daughter, Athena, and I have done several faux finish jobs in the last few weeks and I may just need some down time to recharge my batteries. I have scheduled some down time for the summer so that will probably help. I hope to do more paintings in the next few weeks. I am going to try and get them in a gallery in Oxford. I would really rather paint than do the faux.

The mind-body connection is fascinating. I have been reading Deepak Chopra's book "Life After death" and Wayne Dyer's books "Intention" and "Inspiration." Wayne Dyer's works just seem to nourish my spirit. I have started a journal at WWW.fauxgypsy.pnn.com. I am not sure if it will be all that interesting but it is there for now. I also have started a page at Care Pages. It is called LoveLetters. I don't know if y'all are familiar with Care Pages. It is a place where you can create a page for your friends and family to keep up with how you are feeling. I think it is a great idea when you really don't feel like talking with everyone.

Here is another link that is addresses the mind-body connection. I don't think I included it in the last post. I get the MindPower newsletter. Some of it is a little out there but it makes for interesting reading.

http://www.cancerselfcare.com/html/mind_power.html

Andrea, I love your enthusiasm. Vicki, I love your quotes. I don't know if you read my post with this quote: "En el mundo del Destine, no hay statistica" - In the world of destiny, there are no statistics (attributed to Martin Alberto Filches and quoted in Stuart Archer Cohen's The Stone Angels). I read this right before my second PET scan. I still repeat it to myself when I need it.

Several years ago when I was a graduate student there were several of us who shared and office. My friend, Scott, and i would find quotes that we really liked, turn them into small signs and put them on the wall in a corner that we called our "profundity corner." One day we wanted to rearrange the office and asked the other students if they minded. One of them told us it was okay as long as we didnt' put his desk in the "fecundity corner." Scott and I just looked at each other. After the other student had left we fell out laughing. The we decided that maybe he was right. The quotes did keep mutiplying.
Leslie

Beautiful Leslie
 

I read your journal, walked out to the sun and cried as I sat on the deck staring at the creek below. Your writing touched my heart so deeply. It was interesting, heartfelt and heart breaking all at once. It took me back over three years ago to Feb (like you) when I was diagnosed with stage 3b IBC.

I was greeted by four Drs. while I was in the hospital with pneumonia. It seems that the CAT scan they took of my chest lit up like a christmas tree, and they were somber, looking at the floor, their eyes fleeting, glancing only as long as they had to at me lying there in bed. I was told that my prognosis was very poor and that chemo was my only hope for another year or two of life. My husband was running an errand and I was there by myself. I felt myself wanting to reach out and put my hands on their heavy shoulders. I told them not to be burdened...I felt sorry for them. One was a surgeon, the other an Oncologist, another a plastic surgeon, and the other a Pulmonologist. I told them I would be OK, I smiled, I felt my body melt into the crisp, white hospital sheets, I turned and stared out the door. When they left, the tears fell like acid across my cheeks onto my chest, etching the beginning of a story I was part of, an actress in a movie I never auditioned for, a black comedy perhaps. I fled to Mexico as soon as I left the hospital and would not call back home for the results of my biopsy. I sat by the pool and ate almonds and brown rice and water, while others feasted on enchiladas and washed them down with margaritas. I took long walks and swam and wondered about all things.

I came home to messages on my phone directing me to an Oncologist's office and my diagnosis. They were frantic, they were worried. I called them, haltingly, and assured them I would be OK. I fled then to The Kushi Institute, A macrobiotic compound in Maryland. Again, I stayed there for a week and cancelled appointments for chemo. I ate lots of seaweed, vegies, brown rice, and slept to the sound of the snow outside.

I came home and started chemo, and as they put in that first needle, again the tears spilled all over my shirt. I felt broken, I felt lost, I felt cheated. The women sitting near me nodded in recognition, in sisterhood. They knew. I didn't yet. The nurses hugged me and comforted me that day. My husband and daughters stood by me like boulders fending off the floods. I walked out of there a person changed forever. My hair fell out a week later, followed by all other body hair the next week. I. too. stared in the mirror, but a strange thing happened then. I looked at a reflection of a woman filled with stregnth and courage and hope and I hardly recognized her. It was me. Without any hair, eyelashes, or wigs. I missed the old me, wanting to hang on, but letting go and floating into the next world.

Today, I have hair, and eyelashes and dignity. I love the new me, though I still catch a glimpse of myself all those years ago in the mirror. I've decided I love both of those people and I love you, too, Vickie

You go girl!
 

I am also a big believer that the mind is a powerful tool, we just have to know how to use it & put it to use. From everything you describe, sounds like you're a fan of "The Secret". I have read the book & recently rented the movie. There is a section on self healing. My husband & I have decided to purchase the movie so we have it at home & can watch it from time to time to keep our minds on track and keep the positive energy flowing.
Dodie Osteen (a minister's wife) wrote a book called "Healed of Cancer". She was DX in 1981 with cancer that had metastasized to her liver (Docs couldn't find origin). Docs said she had only weeks to live and said chemo would not prolong her life any and so they sent her home to die. Through strong belief of the power of the Lord and positive thinking, she is alive and cancer free today. Not bad for someone with only weeks to live eh?
Just thought I's let you know I think you right on base!
Lots of hugs,
Michelle

Journal
 

Vicki,
Thank you. I am so sorry you were alone when you found out. I understand the need to tell everyone that it will be all right. I still want to protect my family from the worst of it. I knew it was bad the day the young woman who did my ultrasound wished me luck while she was avoiding looking at me. I had a terrible sense of urgency but it seemed like no one else did. I wanted everything done right then. The surgeon didn't seem concerned at the time. If I had left it up to him it would have taken several more days to find out the results of the lumpectomy. I knew the head of the lab at the hospital where they were processing my tissue samples so I was able to get it expedited a little and I had them send the results to my GP who got back to me as soon as he heard. I knew before the surgeon did. When I saw him he was very negative. Terrible prognosis, on and on. When I went back to him to get my port he started again, asking me did I realize how bad this was, how terrible the side effects would be, etc. I finally pulled out the information on the chemo from the oncologist and laid it in front of him. The port he put in never quit hurting and when it quit working two months into this I refused to go back to him and had another surgeon replace it. It seemed as if he thought that I wasn't taking it seriously because I wasn't crying. I have cried very little. And I would not cry in front of him.
I have been on the verge of tears many times lately, which seems a little backwards since I had that wonderful PET scan that nobody expected last month. I was sitting on the deck yesterday holding a calico kitten and wondering if she would outlive me. Just a passing thought. I have realized that my life has irrevocably changed and I will never again be without this cancer. I will never again take so much for granted. I know that I will come to terms with it in time but right now I don't feel that I even have the words to explain what I have lost.
Several good things have come out of this, though. In 1999 I was taking a medication called Reglan and one of the side effects can be clinical suicidal depression. It took me months to get over this. My mother died two days after I got out of the hospital. I have always loved to write and during this time words literally failed me. For the first time in my life I could not write. It gave me no comfort. If I tried I could not focus. Poetry could not comfort me. Now I feel that I am able to write again. So maybe this time words will help me find a way through.

Leslie

addendum
 

One more site.

http://www.mindpowernews.com/PsychologyOfMiraculous.htm

Leslie

Hi Leslie!

And so wonderfully, your words allow so many more of us to, through your words, see our own thoughts, feelings, and experiences in writing. Thanks so much to all for your honest sharing - it keeps life rich, real, and doable! ma

I am so very intrigued by this thread. I love what Andi is trying to share. I am also astounded that anyone could infer from what she has written that the cancer patient can find blame in their life for getting cancer. That is so far removed from what she is trying to share...

My counselor and I have been talking about this for 3 years now. It has been a very educational journey. I have always presented outwardly what others have experienced to be a positive attitude. I have received many compliments during this journey from outsiders who find me inspiring. But I knew that something was missing, that portraying a positive attitude was the easy part and was only half of the equation, that living it on the inside, in my body and my mind was a more difficult part to accomplish. It has taken me a while to get there and I am not totally there yet. But I am working on it. I still go to the dark places. You have to. You have to bring them to the surface, experience them and acknowledge them in order to let them go. But it's the learning to cope with them, bringing them into the light and purging them that is the key. It's a discipline just like anything else in life. Changing thought patterns is hard work. It's challenging. It's more than just anti-depressants and weekly therapy. (both of which have been tremendously helpful to me). Thoughts and inner dialogue are as innate as putting one foot in front of the other. But over a lifetime, left truly unattended, the brain and the thoughts can take on a sludge, a "coating", an unintended and ill-trained way of operating. Much like a car engine that is never lubed or maintained and eventually needs an overhaul. It's human nature and it is not something to blame one's self for. The key is to recognize it and take steps to correct it - to do the "overhaul." It's hard to learn how to "expand the rubberband" on one's brain. Whether I had cancer or not, I would hope that I would have embarked on this journey anyway... of re-training my brain and inner dialogue. Of looking inward for the disconnect between mind and body. And finding ways to connect the two. The mind and body are a temple. I used to hear that and think it was hooey. Now I know differently.

My counselor has given me so many gifts, and one of them is the gift of relaxation and visualization. Another is the technique to change the inner dialogue. We have discussed that you can't truly find The Secret without regular wrestling with the negatives. You can't get to point B without doing the hard work of point A. Point A (the negatives) have to be acknowledged and brought into the light. And once you have done the work to lay the foundation, then you must set the goal and take massive action towards the goal. The Secret is more than just "positive thoughts" - it's a lot of challenging work. You can't skim over the fundamentals to the cream on top.

The less than positive thoughts and resentments in our lives, when allowed to go unchecked, are poison, toxic. I know that since I have truly embraced the harder work and gentle teachings from my counselor, my body has felt wildly better and healthier. My mind is sending it a more gentle and positive electricity instead of lightning bolts and surges of hidden negativity and resentment. I attribute my body's mostly easy tolerance of the many different treatments to the mind/body connection work that I have been doing (in earnest) over the last year.

The newest gift my counselor is giving me is the gift of meditation. Due to my work with her, I have found my personal access to what is know as "The Blue Pearl" and it is so beautiful. I know there is a deeper meaning to be found surrounding my Blue Pearl, but just to be able to see it so easily now is one of the most beautiful things in my life. I believe that accessing it and seeing it in my relaxation and meditation opens up blocked corridors to the essence of the crucial mind-body connection. Remember that word "connection" as you contemplate all of this. The mind and body are always connected, but you have to be sure that the electricity between the two is a positively charged connection and not negatively charged... "Putting Negative Electricity into a light bulb will darken a sunlit room."

As my nutritionist says: "There is more to winning the battle against cancer than simply relying on technology. When it comes to cancer survival, conventional medicine often ignores the body's own remarkable restorative powers. Doctors are unable to explain in scientific terms instances that can only be attributed to self-healing. The spiritual and emotional components of healing cannot be defined by statistics and cannot be measured by sophisticated instruments. No-one can guarantee you a miracle, but why not
try?"

I consider the work I am doing on mind-body connection to be simply another component in the natural and traditional healing/nutritional support changes I have chosen to pursue in combination with my conventional treatments...

Leslie, Your post again grabbed and held my attention and my heart. You have been through so much . I want you to know that you have a lifelong (?) friend. And I too, held my cat and wondered that very same thing.

I have been wandering the beaches near here and have picked up sand dollars and star fish and shells, thinking about their existence and how they came to thier deaths and how they ended up in my hands, I have them in my home and everyday I look at them I realize how fleeting this moment on Earth is. I will walk through the next door into a whole new world someday. I cannot deny that nor would I want to. I just want to live with the blood coursing through my bones, alive and extremely grateful for every second I get to be here. I send you my love and healing energy today under the hot California sun. Much love, Vickie

Victor Frankl's "Man's Search For Meaning" referenced above contains one perfect line that stands out and has been demonstrated as true in both mine and Sue's experience. Nothing too philosophical here... (Doesn't really speak to this issue either ;) )
The line is:
"He who has a WHY to live can bear any HOW."

This has little to do with positive thought, or mind body connections, sickness, health, or even happiness for that matter. Take from it as you wish, or not at all. There is truth there though.

Yes, going over one's past certainly can explain a lot about who you are today, and a calm mind is more likely healthier than a stressed one, and yes extreme stress can wear on the body as well as the mind, but it doesn't necessarily follow then that a positive mind can cure illness. This is flawed reasoning.

It is more likely that a positive attitude can't hurt, and nothing more or less.

We see the original post as sincerely written with good intentions. We don't need to agree with it to see that there wasn't any suggestion to stop treatments, or to abandon modern medicine for therapy sessions, or prayer sessions, or even the diet du jour for that matter... it seems to be an opinion expressed out of goodwill. There's our 2 cents.

All anyone has, cancer or not, is this moment. In this moment, We're glad you're all here mixing it up for a change.
And... big P.S. for those of you who focus on this sort of thing ( you know who you are :) ). Sue and I write together, She's made me edit out my diatribe, which I really enjoyed writing too -- Probably for the best.

Thank you for being here in this moment

Psychoneuroimmunolgy
 

I feel like I have been patted on the head. There is a whole field of scientific research into the interconnection between our mental and physical states. It is not about a belief system. Andi's initial post was thought provoking and I feel that it has lead to a great discussion. In my posts I am not talking about the "power of positive thinking." I am suggesting that learning new ways to respond to the stressors in one's life, as an example, might lead to a greater degree of healing. This is not to negate the use of allopathic medicine. Or to suggest that anyone should approach it as I did. I feel that the term complementary medicine says it precisely.
I am suggesting that there is another way to think about this. Women used to die in great numbers from childbirth fever. Doctors did not understand the importance of disinfecting their hands, So they thought nothing of going from a death bed to a women giving birth without washing their hands. By doing this they caused the deaths of many women. Up until it was finally proved that bacteria caused infection and thus illness, this did not change. Even then there were people who refused to believe that something that was invisible to the human eye could cause disease.
What if we are at the verge of another paradigm shift? What if we are looking at something that cannot be seen under the microscope but can only be measured by its effects? Immune system responses can be measured. Endocrine levels can be monitored. In the same way that astronomers can find a planet or star that they cannot see in a telescope, by its effects on the planets near it, scientists are trying to determine the effects of the emotions ( to simplify it) on the other systems of the body. Read the research with an open mind. It is very interesting even if you choose to dismiss it.
http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/immune/psychon.htm
http://www.nfnlp.com/psychoneuroimmu...n.htm#research
http://www.wellness.org.za/html/pni.html
http://www.bcaction.org/Pages/Search...etter014C.html
http://www.cousinspni.org/
http://www.aacn.org/pdfLibra.NSF/Fil...e/ci140105.pdf
http://www.appi.org/book.cfm?id=8171
I am going to bed. I feel sure that this discussion will continue. I have been taking part in a very important human ritual. At least to me. Harvest. I probably don't save a penny but it makes my heart feel good. We have been putting up pickles. Sweet pickles. 10 gallons of cucumbers . We are being industrious little ants. There is a poem by Millay, "Rosemary". the first lines are "For the sake of some things that now be no more,...I will plant bergamot at my kitchen door". Canning and pickling make me feel connected to life in a very good way. Wonder if it boosts my immune system? ;)

Leslie

Pickles
 

Leslie, I agree wholeheartedly with you. Some things cannot be explained/examined/scientifically explained. Those things which we cannot measure, or see, or explain with logic surround us every day. There needn't be any research to just know (feel) that our thoughts and actions influence our immune systems. Science is not always to be trusted since they skew their results to match their hypothesis, invariably inducing an exchange of capitol....sometimes refered to the root of all evil.
I am glad you are canning, it is a wonderful and productive and fruitful act of creativity. I used to can tomatoes and jam and I remeber the sweet scent of warm berries, and herbs filling my kitchen as I lined up the colorful jars of sauces. I have never canned pickles but my mouth started watering when I read your post. I love pickles!
Love and peace, Vickie

I Did Not Disappear...
 

HELLO AGAIN! I did not disappear. Sorry. Been tending to my husband. His agonizing and extreme case of Shingles -- beginning May 29 -- spiraled into a long adventure of collapsing backward, momentarily losing consciousness, breaking his foot, going to the emergency room, having Brain CT and then Brain MRI, being kept overnight (taken off certain nerve pain that created dizziness, confusion, garbled speech). Dehydration also contributed to his staggering, knee-buckling state (couldn/t/wouldn't eat or drink due to intense pain and suffering). Then a urinary tract infection turned out to be urine retention and an enlarged prostate that created an urgent need to see a find a urologist and be catheterized. Put back on alpha blocker that he had taken for yrs without episode but had stopped for 3 days in accordance w/doc's recommendation. Dizziness, knee-buckling falling backward recurred. Eyes fluttering, confused, speech garbled again. I called 911 and asked for an ambulance. That was Monday night. He is fine now. We are again home from the hospital. Paul's been taken off the alpha blocker and put on new med to do its' job heart-wise and keep urine flowing as well. Seeing urologist this afternoon for follow up. Seeing orthopedist Monday for follow up. Seeing cardiologist in 2 wks for follow up. We are shaken but we are forging ahead with prayers and love. So I haven't caught up on my 141 emails and am slowly plodding on to pick up where I left off. Which was about a wk ago, I think. My head is awhirl.

Just read Leslie post and I am in love w/her. I am getting to replies to other posts and messages slowly but surely, w/determination. Want to meet Leslie and Vickie and have lunch. I adore you both. Couldn't agree w/you more. Will also begin my homework assignment and click on the links provided. They are soooo fascinating. Actually reading what my heart tells me is True, seeing the words of my thoughts in black and white, written my some one else is a mind-blowing experience!

Love to all my Soul Sisters, as always. OH, BTW -- midst all this I had a 7AM mammogram last wk and I am NORMAL. Scans on the 28th. No time for the usual jitters prescan, called INSCANITY by some one on this board, which I relate totally to. I'm busy focusing on my Paul and sending my prayers out into the Universe for him. So, if some one reads this and has a moment, send a prayer for the 28th to result in SAME DAY "STABLE" RESULTS (chest/abd/pelv). ANDI

Antivirals for husband
 

Andi, I am so sorry for your husband. Years ago I had shingles, just a small breakout and for a day or so it was bad. I can't imagine a full scale breakout. Do they have him on any anti-virals? Mine cleared up really fast. Concrats on your results and my prayers are with you and your husband.

Leslie

Shingles And Such
 

Hi Leslie! Paul had pain from hip to testicle at first for a wk. We saw an orthopedist, did MRI, thinking referred pain. Then, went to internist. Still no rash for 1 wk. Once we saw this flaming red from navel down and around to spine and down, we called and got a FAMVIR script called in. A COMEDY OF ERRORS, which isn't funny when it's happening to you. Love the doc, hate his office. Can't get a response. Even if in dire pain and in critical condition!! Finally, after calling my dghtr, saying, I'm not thinking clearly, what can I do? She told me to "prompt" the "if you are a doctor or a hospital" button! BIG LESSON. But, I can't do that. I'm not a doctor or a hospital. Rule follower, me. You've called 5 times and no one has called you back, this is an emergency -- you can call. So I got "permission" and though generally so proactive hesitated until I got the message from Ali. I prompted the special # and got through to a person and begged.

The "funny" part is that when my husband wound up in the hosp the 1st time they were trying to give him that med 3X a day. He insisted he's only supposed to get it once a day, as the bottle at home said. Was it the doc who wrote it funny (looked clear to me when I checked at subsequent office visit)? Was it the Janice person who called it in wrong? Was it the pharmacy that insists that was what Janice said, 500 mg once a day -- 21 pills (as in for 3 wks). So, Paul should have been getting triple the dosage, which would have lessened the severity of the pain, which would have lessened the need for the nerve pain med that caused him to become dizzy, disoriented, etc and fall and break his foot!!!

I had Shingles w/2nd rd of chemo (Taxotere) about 5 wks in. Caught it instantly as a big bug bite on my belly. Felt sick, fluish, nauseous. light-headed and thought it was from the chemo. Went for visit (checking out possible stem cell transplant w/3 specialists) and asked WHAT'S THIS? Herpes Zostra. Went for chemo 3 days later, as the rash spread all around front and back ON ONE SIDE and onc said NO CHEMO. Not when you have Shingles. Can't get chemo. I knew I would die if I didn't get the chemo. So I made up my mind I would cure it fast. Was on Valtres ('98 drug of choice). Added supplements from my Prescription For Nutritional Healing bible, meditated, prayed, envisioned, sent healing messages to my body in no uncertain terms. 10 days later I returned to onc. How are you doing?, he asked. I'm cured, I said. He smiled, laughed a little, and said, Let me see. Walked all around me. Wow. You're right. Very nice. Good for you. You can have chemo! YEAH! I was taking pain killers ev 4 hrs. Thought I would die from the pain alone. Calamaine ev hr. But insisted to healing fast if I wanted to live, and I did, and do.

I recommended to Paul that he get rid of the Shingles in 10 days, like me. We know people who had it for 8 mnths, a yr. You don't want to follow in their footsteps. I put him on the supplements, which he took begrudgingly. Moaning and in pain. I said, If you want to help yourself, boost your immune system! I left the page of the book (above) open, highlighted in bright pink, with the bottles and permanent marker indicating X1 or X2 or empty stomach. He took "some".

A friend of ours, Michael, told me I should have put a note on top saying, DO NOT READ! We must keep laughing...

Sending much love. Still trying to catch up w/old mail. I have a lot to say to you Leslie. You've been in my thoughts. I adore your posts. Your quotes. So much to say. Patience, please. Almost time to go to followup visit w/urologist for Paul.

I decided, I swear, it's easier to be the patient than the caregiver. Paul is an excellent caregiver!! And a really lousy, cranky patient. Poor baby.

ANDI

Tired Of Feeling Tired
 

Hello all! I'm busy "catching up". People ask how are you doing? I want to answer honestly so I say GOOD, BUT LOW ON ENERGY... I want so much to respond GREAT! Check out the thread CHEMO BRAIN, please. There's some helpful info on this topic in there. My posts re SUPPLEMENTS -- PHYTO FORMULA and NADH have come to bless my life, pepping me (and boy did I need it lately).

I know, exhaustion can feel so defeating and depressing. I try to stay connected to my Spiritual core for strength and well-being, harmony and serenity.

Leslie -- you mention Wayne Dyer. I'm a total FAN! I've read the bks you mention above. I wanted to add to his credit some other bks I have read of his that were quite profound and altered my view of Self and Life. THE SACRED SELF, YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT, WISDOM OF THE AGES and MANIFEST YOUR DESTINY. All gems I highly recommend for those seeking to find joy and peace, self-love and Empowerment.

Your painting is a fabulous creative outlet for your emotions (much like writing). Why do you aspire to show at Oxford, may I ask? Just curious. As in the UK? I told you, I will carry the image of your Phoenix with me forever. Your talent, Leslie is quite beautiful, as if your radiant Spirit.

How was Chopra's Life After Death? Can you share your overall impressions? I have quoted Wayne so much my family groans when I start a sent with, Well, Wayne says... As you say, Leslie, he feeds my Soul, re-awakens and reinvigorates it . He reminds it of what it always knew but had forgotten!

Sending loving energy to all you wonderful Warrior Women... ANDI

test

Regards
Joe

Tired too
 

Hi Andi,
I am tired too. I have had two Aranesp shots, four weeks ago and two weeks ago. I am going to check out the supplements you have mentioned. We have a busy day Monday. I have an appointment for a second opinion and my husband has to have a CT scan. He has been hurting lately and I was wondering if it was his gallbladder but instead they found a spot on his right kidney. Hopefully it is nothing, but we will see. He keeps saying that it is a pulled muscle. I hope so.
The second opinion is one I should have gotten before now. First it was in my liver and then it wasn't, no biopsy to prove it either way and no surgery or dose dense chemo because it had already spread but maybe it hadn't. After we started treatment the oncologist said that it might have been a fluke. I am very glad that nothing showed up in my second PET scan. But I still have my doubts about the course of treatment. I think the second opinion will give me peace of mind. I have met the new oncologist (he was my stepfather's when he had cancer) before and really felt that he was compassionate. He takes his time to talk with you and I am very uncomfortable with how rushed I feel with my current oncologist.
I am hoping that I will paint more now that I doing less faux finshes, etc. I live near Oxford, MS, where the University Of Mississippi (Ole Miss) is located. It gets a lot of alumni, of which I am one, and tourists because of this. Not Oxford, England although I would love to visit there.
Hope you and your husband feel better soon.

Leslie

Our Situation Comedy Reality Show
 

Vickie, I have been preoccupied w/my husband's medical misadventures, but from the moment I read your post about being given the grim news by 4 docs surrounding your hospital bed, alone but for your pneumonia -- I have been beside myself. What were they thinking? This was clearly not the time to approach the lone patient. The synchronicity of their being in the same place at the same time was not a strong enough case to hit you over the head, blindsiding you. Traumatic doesn't even begin to cover what you went throug. I am so sorry that happened in that most awful of ways.

A few times you mention you assured others YOU WOULD BE OKAY. That was your Spirit speaking! Do not dismiss it as placating, attempting to comfort others in your compassionate way. BELIEVE IT. Your trip to Mexico, taking long walks, swimming in the buoyant waters, wondering about all things was your Spirit trying to make you feel connected to Life. Eating the right things was your Soul seeking to nourish you as it craved your acknowledgement. Once we find our True Self, discover our Essence, at our core, we can more easily tap into Universal guidance and wisdom.

In MY PRAYER FOR SURVIVAL that I wrote in Dec '98, midst Taxotere and torment throughout my body, at the lowest point in my entire life, I began with the following words. I AM WOUNDED, BUT I WILL SURVIVE. I AM DEEP IN THE WOODS, BUT I AM NOT LOST. MY BODY ACHES WITH THE DEATH OF MY CANCER CELLS. BUT I AM STRONG, BRAVE AND DETERMINED. THIS STORM WILL NOT TOUCH MY CORE. I WILL NOT LET IT. MY ESSENCE IS CALM AND POISED. MY WILL IS GREAT AND SHALL TRIUMPH. I WILL BE STEADFAST. THE BEST IS YET TO COME.

Vickie, you are not broken. I understand that you may feel lost and cheated. But know that -- you are being led. The tangible evidence of your efforts lie before you. As you expect the best, so it will come. It is a Universal Law. Do not retreat. There is a malfunction afoot. You will not break. Your Spirit will not be broken. Diligently stand guard against toxic thoughts and images. Acknowledge them, experience them and then be done with them. You have much to be grateful for. ou are truly blessed. As you see the radiance of life, the darkness within dissolves.

You are in a process of spiritual unfolding. When all is calm, we stagnate. You are becoming more than you were, your life enriched immeasurably with fresh perspectives, the gift of feeling truly alive with each new day.

You write with such artistry, Vickie. YOU WILL BE OKAY, as your Spirit told you repeatedly. Stop resisting participating in this unwanted drama. It is your Life. Rejoice. You are on a gravel-packed road but with the power of your chosen thoughts and images, stubborn determination that will not flag and belief in your abilities to triumph you will be guided through this the mother of all storms.

With much loving energy being sent your way... ANDI

I Bow To The Teacher Within My Soul
 

<TABLE class=tborder id=post126550 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" align=center border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_126550 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #aa8799 1px solid">Thought you who were interested in the CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC of the mindbody connection (which turned out to be a whole lot more *controversial* than I'd guessed at first) -- would be interested in this post from OPRAH thread. Seems most of you have at the very least *suspected* the link and many are actually utilizing your innate healing powers to your advantage. In that spirit -- I copied the following posts to help feed your expanded consciousness. Sent with loving energy to all, as always!

Andi - I never answered you.... 'Om Namo Guru Dev Namo' means "I bow to the teacher within my soul, I bow to the friends that I've come to know." My counselor taught it to me, it is a Kundalini Mantra and it is used for healing balance of the chakras through the fingertips... the fingertips of each hand corresponds with the chakras as follows: thumb with 2nd chakra; index finger with 5th chakra; middle finger with 3rd chakra; ring finger with 6th chakra; and little finger with 4th chakra. I don't know much more than that, but I know I am experimenting with it as I learn more about meditation.
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Brenda

AS OF 6/07...
* Nov'03, diagnosed stage 2B
* Dec'03, Rt side mastectomy, Her2neu+, ER/PR+,10 nodes removed, one +node
* Jan'04, Taxotere/Adria/Cytoxan x 6
* NED, Clean margins, no Rads
* Tamoxifen 1 year, then Arimadex for 3 months
* NED 14 months
* Sept'05, recurrence/microscopic mets in lungs/chest nodes/one underarm node
* Switched to Aromasin after recurrence
* Taxol/Carbo/Herceptin x 7
* NED 6 months - Herceptin only
* Aug'06, recurrence/micro mets in chest nodes & bone spots at C3 in neck
* Added Taxol to Herceptin indefinitely
* Feb'07 Genetic testing, BRCA 1 & 2 negative
* Apr'07 MRI revealed 2 small (9mm) brain mets & 5 punctates, and new left chest met.
Small increase of bone met in neck.
* Starting Tykerb/Xeloda May'07
* MRI June'07 - stable brain mets, no new mets, 9mm spots less enhanced.
* Tumor markers down from 45 to 17 in 7 weeks.
* Ty/Xel working it's magic!
* Will re-scan Aug'07.

NOV'06 - 3 year anniversary


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</TD><TD class=alt1 id=td_post_126573 style="BORDER-RIGHT: #aa8799 1px solid"><!-- icon and title -->http://her2support.org/vbulletin/ima...ons/icon12.gif I Bow To The Teacher Within My Soul

<HR style="COLOR: #aa8799" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->BRENDA THAT IS SOOO BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for remembering to share that. I am reading a link Leslie posted in CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC and I have thrill chills. It speaks of connecting with that teacher within, with your Spirit and the INFINITE POSSIBILITIES that alignment holds for us.

We have each been thrust into a process of RENEWAL with our dx of bc. Mythologist, scholar, teacher and author Joseph Campbell speaks of "regeneration...a retreat from the desperations of the wasteland to the magic" within, "golden seeds (that) do not die". The Soul being eternal.

Medtation allows the "self-righting" mechanism of the body to come into play. Learning to "live in" in the positive images we create is key component of self-HEALING, I am reading. That resonates as a KNOWING I had but was not yet aware of. Having the ability to shift out of "the critical, analytic mode of information processing", to SEE beyond -- "inhibits the interfering signals of doubt and skepticism", says researcher Ian Wickramesekera.

Those "blessed" with the awareness of their healing capabilities have "easier access to...a primarily intuitive and emotional response, thather than a logical or rational one". Harvard anthropologist Richard Katz notes "healers" are "more 'expressive' and passionate'". They raise within heir bodies the "boiling energy", as he studies the African Kung Bushman tribal ceremonies. Katz points to healing being associated with unexpected recoveries. The experts are busy studying "psychological changes that might precede healing -- searching in effect, for a Tumor Necrosis Factor of the Mind".

Fascinating stuff! Makes my heart smile to know such prestigious inquirers are scrutinizing this virtually untapped, hidden resource within each of us.

Sending loving, healing energy to all my Soul Sisters... ANDI :)
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'95 age 50 post-menopausal dx ILC -- 9cm tumor + 2 nodes out of 18 -- Lt mastec/tram flap reconst/PORT+8 mnths chemo (4Adria + 8CMF). Borderline ER/PR. Tamoxifen '96-'98. Felt LUCKY. Blessed. Something deep inside told me I WILL SURVIVE THIS!

'98 -- multiple mets to liver + HER2+ 80% ER/PR-. Flushed Tamoxifen down toilet. Raging, highly aggressive tumors spreading fast, per tests over 1st 2 wks. New PORT + 9 mnths Taxotere (isn't called The Freight Train Drug for nothing) but it did the job! We have a love/hate relationship. Made me miserable but helped save my life! Gotta love it...

Added Herceptin Nov '98 (6 wks after FDA fast-tracked its' use for met bc). BEEN ON VIT H EVER SINCE! I believe it keeps my Her2 gene from acting up, keeps more mets at bay, sustains me. Pronounced in CAUTIOUS remission May '99. Now I am a walking miracle. IN THE 1% club, they say! Still NEMD. To hell w/poor prognosis and nasty stats! "A CANDLE LOSES NOTHING IF IT IS USED TO LIGHT ANOTHER."
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Meditation
 

Meditation allows the "self-righting" mechanism of the body to come into play. Learning to LIVE IN the images we create is a key component of SELF-HEALING, I read. Having the ability to shift out of "the critical, analytic mode of information processing", to SEE beyond -- "inhibis the interfering signals of doubt and skepticism", says researcher Ian Wickramesekera.

Those *blessed* with the awareness of their healing capabilities have "easier access to...aprimarily intuitive and emotional response. Rathan a logical or rational one". Harvard antropoligist Richard Katz notes "healers are more expressive and passionate. They raise with their bodies te "boiling point", as he studies the African Kung Bushman tribal ceremonies.

Becoming duly scarified impels us to go within and connect with our Spirit. That in turn grants us expanded vision and understanding. You can't prescribe it...but you can learn it. See Flori's post I'M SO UPSET from today and read the thread through for more on soothing your psychological blockades and activating your healing powers.

Sending much loving energy to all my Soul Sisters... ANDI :)

Andi--I really like your post (and I LOVE your photo--I just updated mine, but now I think I need to do another one that's more fun:-)

After reading this, I wanted to add the list of things that I felt then (at the time of diagnosis) and now and will in the future--because it reinforce it again for me, and because sharing ideas is what this board is all about:

1. There isn't anything I can do about the fact that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer. But I can choose my response to it.

2. There will always be someone out there who has a worse health situation than me. I can choose a pity party or I choose to live my life the best way possible.

3. I will continue to live my life by doing everything I have always done, unless it becomes impossible. I will continue to teach spin, because a high heart rate might give the Herceptin more "passes" through my body. I will continue to work because it keeps my brain active and happy.

4. While I have not gotten very upset about my situation, I need to understand that others close to me will grieve at different levels. They may expect me to behave in a certain way, or have certain needs, and when I don't match their expectations, I need to be understanding of their emotions.

5. Positive thinking is an effective weapon against fighting diseases like cancer. I can help my chemo drugs work their magic by mentally cheering them on.

6. Today is a great day because I'm alive. Others (like the guy I dated in high school and was engaged to right after high school who was instantly killed in a motor vehicle accident two years ago) don't get the chance to fight for their lives. I am lucky because I have been given that opportunity.

7. In general, people are generous, caring and totally cool. The people on this board, the people who brought meals when I was getting chemo and radiation, the people who sent emails to keep in touch--they are my heroes!


Val

Yes Val! Yes, yes, yes!! Thank you. You have put it down in affirmation form and the clarity of your writing and list is perfect.