Re: Weekly Taxol for Stage IV
 

So glad to hear you are feeling better and loving your positive attitude! Will be working on the retreat this week, it will be the therapy you need :)

Re: Weekly Taxol for Stage IV
 

Checking in on you Traci - How are you feeling/doing?

Re: Weekly Taxol for Stage IV
 

Hey, Jessica. Thanks for checking in. I haven't been doing great, a lot of pain, nausea and fatigue. I took a three week break from chemo to get feeling better before we hit it hard again. During my break, I went to visit my family in Sarasota. Sunshine therapy and baby (my sister's) therapy do more than chemo could ever do. I came home really feeling positive and less fatigued with no nausea. My pain has advanced though, it's still all bone pain so that is encouraging. I have scans (CT and Bone)on the 28th and I will know better if this chemo is doing anything. Hoping the pain is just Zometa doing its thing.

I got myself in a bit of a funk. I applied for (and received) accelerated death benefits on my life insurance policies and my retirement. My MO signed off on less than a year life expectancy, of course he told me that it didn't mean that I would die in that time frame, just that he can't say I won't. His actual medical notes do say life expectancy of 12-24 months. That was tough to see in writing and I don't think he ever planned for me to see it. The insurance company shared it. I'm not giving up, just got a serious glimpse of reality. I want to live. I plan to live. Cancer is scary. I could get on the right treatment and have decades of remission. I could die before the leaves fall again. The uncertainty is what wears on me, that and the weekly visits to chemo room. I love the people I take treatment with, they are sweet people who do not deserve to suffer the way I see them suffering. They are all older, decades older than I am so it is a pretty grim atmosphere. ...and it's been rainy and raw all week. I am SOOOO looking forward to Spring doing its thing. I need to feel the sun on my face to get out of this funk, soon, soon enough. I just need to keep treading water until the weather breaks.

Sorry to be so grim. I get quiet when things aren't going well, withdrawn. Thanks for calling me out. How are YOU doing? Are we still looking forward to a retreat? :)

Re: Weekly Taxol for Stage IV
 

Aw Tracy - sorry to hear you've been going through a rough patch. You have been through the wringer but you are a fighter and you are fighting the beast. I admire your courage and honesty.

As you said, spring is right around the corner (although it's supposed to snow this weekend in my neck of the woods!).

Take care
Janis

Re: Weekly Taxol for Stage IV
 

I read your post earlier, and you've been on my mind every since. It's just about 12:30 am, and I just want to write you before going to sleep (or my version of sleep)...I am very glad that you posted the truth of what you are feeling. It's so vital to be able to state the truth, we are your witness's and your friends. There are words you cannot say to family and friends, truths that they cannot handle, it is crushing what you/we live with. Sorry this will jump around a bit...reading the words 12 - 24 months to live, is crushing. Takes my breath away. Yet, it's those words that help facilitate getting the money from your life insurance, or in my case the word was "terminal" and that helped me get on disability. These words are crushing. Heartbreaking. Unfair.

Cancer is a mind game. We must keep our head on straight, and keep our focus. Going to Florida was brilliant, a great way to nurture yourself, and be captured by the baby, and the love of your family. I went to Florida last October, for the exact same reason, to spend time with my father's cousins, well in their 70's, they are the closest I have to parents and I did nothing but sit around their house, talk, laugh, eat, enjoy the backyard, the nearby Clearwater beach, and rest. It's so exhausting, the physical assault of the chemo, the mental exhaust of the fight, the pain, the panic, the decisions, the thinking.

I am truly so sorry that you've hit a rough wave. I don't know how you handle the pain, I've had this debilitating sciatic pain since Jan 20th, not that I'm counting the days or anything. Finally, I had surgical consults and will have a small repair job in another week. Grateful that it's not cancer (that we know of) and grateful that there is another opportunity to get well again. Living with pain for the last 12+ weeks has scared the crap out of me for when it is cancer pain. How will I cope? But, as you demonstrate, you find a way and keep moving forward.

If you are still feeling too sick to have treatment, how about doing the HP portion (herceptin perjeta?) and give yourself another week before the Taxane? Another thought is adding in Tykerb. Not sure if you can Tykerb with perjeta, but you can Tykerb with Herceptin, Zometa, and Taxane. You don't have to take all 5 or 6 pills, there were a bunch of us taking 3-4 pills a morning and doing very well!! They cross the BBB and many people do well wth them as part of the regime.

Well, I'm falling asleep as I type, so will say good night for now. I am so sorry that you are going thru such a crap time.
Keep fighting! I know you are strong!!!!
Big hugs,
Flori